▶ Full Post Text
[+53] u/iTouchStuff: Week 1: We won!
Week 2: Please send help.
Week 3: We won!
Week 4: Why isn't anyone helping?!
Week 5: Praise be to Allah
[+43] u/Successful-End7689: OPEN THE HORMUZ NOW OR I WILL EXTEND THE DEADLINE EVEN MORE!!!
[+34] u/Emotional-Bag1398: Step 1 - Praise Allah
Step 2 - Prophet?
[+33] u/OrdinaryMix4013: IF IRAN DOESNT MAKE A DEAL BY WEDNESDAY, I’M GOING TO MOVE THE DEADLINE TO THURSDAY IM SERIOUS THIS TIME
[+29] u/StraitOfHummus: I'm still closed guys, sorry.
[+28] u/zslszh: IF IRAN DOESNT MAKE A DEAL BY TUESDAY, I’M GOING TO MOVE THE DEADLINE TO WEDNESDAY
[+22] u/severed02: Haven’t been this excited for Sunday futes since last Sunday
[+21] u/StraitOfHummus: Monday morning is going to look like:
> Well they were only tactical nukes, they are like barely even baby nukes
[+21] u/R3dFiveStandingBye: Damn went from a President asleep at the wheel to one on a 3 day coke binge while tweeting at the wheel
[+20] u/svpa3991: Crazy that a little over a decade ago a tan suit was unpresidential and now we have these tweets lmao
[+19] u/JohanLiebert92: BREAKING: Iran rejects US proposal to open Strait of Hormuz in exchange for temporary ceasefire, Wall Street Journal reports.
[+18] u/sailortyx56: He saw the sand latinas inside Iran yesterday.
And decided to convert to Islam on Easter.
[+17] u/StraitOfHummus: Iran War recap:
Rubio: Sir, if we attack they will close the Strait of Hormuz
Mango: They don't have the balls to close the Strait of Hormuz
Hegseth: Sir, they just closed the Strait of Hormuz
Mango: OPEN THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ NOW INSHALLAH
[+16] u/cultoftheclave: someone in another sub pointed out that there was probably a polymarket bet that printed on Trump (obligatory imagine if Obama did it) saying "praise be to alllah".
Can we just rename prediction markets to corruption markets and get it over with
[+15] u/UsernameTaken_123: Monitoring the situation while gooning on adderall rn
[+15] u/Actual_Difference617: I think he will convert to islam just to get out of this mess. Grifter be grifting.
[+14] u/Mr-Bonnet: # OPEN THE FUCKING CASINO YOU BASTARDS
[+14] u/LasyKuuga: 🥭: open the strait or get glassed
#PRAISE BE TO ALLAH
Said that on Easter as well the man has lost it 😂
[+13] u/one_excited_guy: happy to announce that I will be monitoring the situation
[+12] u/Actual_Difference617: Inshallah! May the market be good to you tomorrow. 0DTE’s for jihad.
[+12] u/-Wisefool69-: Need spy to drop 6% by eow to be breakeven… wish me luck
[+12] u/enroute2mars: Allah your base are belong to us.
[+11] u/AndThisGuyPeedOnIt: Open the fuckin' casino, ya crazy bastards
[+11] u/Ok-Mango-5228: Serious question, whats an actual bullish indicator right now?
[+11] u/No_Run3357: Just think, the astronauts on Artemis and the ISS might get to see the end of humanity. Fortunately we have that base on Mars they can head to.
[+10] u/Bam2458: “Oh no, I meant *next* Tuesday at 8pm eastern.”
[+10] u/McClintockC: In Soviet Russia
CASINO OPENS YOU
[+10] u/Defvayne: Open the fuckin' casino or you'll be living in hell!
[+10] u/InitiativeGlum2507: Am I the only person that thinks Savannah Guthrie whacked her mom?
[+10] u/Philthatman: Believe it or not, Brent/WTI up 15% and SPX trades sideways
[+10] u/VSU-yt: Open the fuckin market you crazy bastards
[+10] u/erov: 25th Amendment this fool already.
[+10] u/StraitOfHummus: While all this Iran business is going on, Israel has taken over like 20% of Lebanon and whole stability of the country is getting a little yippy.
[+10] u/LasyKuuga: From Glory be to God to Praise be to Allah.
Man just praying to anyone to open the Strait at this point 😂
[+9] u/ajibtunes: Iran has informed mediators that the U.S. is not in a position to make demands – WSJ
[+9] u/sonofalando: 🥭 going insane on truth. Glad I sold my S&P position on Friday 💀
[+9] u/Pitiful_Bedroom_6619: Finally a real thread, no one gives a fuk about weekend thread. OPEN THE CASINO!!!!
[+9] u/bigmeatbag: So is Donnie declaring the US a Muslim country bullish?
[+9] u/StraitOfHummus: We're about to find out tomorrow the real reason why all those generals and high ranking military officers were fired.
[+9] u/Standard-Top-5942: Taco Tuesday or literally the biggest humanitarian crisis in modern history!! Weee
[+8] u/KeTaMiNEanDpEdoZ: WE WILL NOW CALL IT THE GAY OF HORMUZ
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
EDIT: FUCKIN'
[+8] u/supercali45: I guess it’s ok for everyone to just cuss now since the President does it on Easter
[+8] u/Muted-South4737: Why would Alladin do this?
[+8] u/Slow-Astronaut-2135: So oil another +10% today based on the "imma bomb the shit outta you in Allah's name" stuff?
[+8] u/aquaticsardonic: That was the longest fucking weekend thread of my entire life
[+8] u/collegefootballfan69: There is no better entertainment than a crazy person dealing with a radical.
[+7] u/9tacos: He’ll flip you. Flip ya for real
[+7] u/i_simp_f: Iran Situation is Crazy
[+7] u/dreamer_Neet: Oil price will be glorious in another 2 hours
[+7] u/PureAlpha22: That’s the most unhinged truth social yet
[+7] u/Mr-Bonnet: GONNA BE A FLAT 2 WEEKS OF TRADING
GG BOLS BERS
[+7] u/Odd-Dragonfruit-1186: I bought weekly SPY puts thursday at close. Given my track record, we probably moon all week long.
[+7] u/Fun_Restaurant_1834: He really praised allah bro what timeline are we on
[+7] u/ApathysLastKiss_: You know he threw that temper tantrum bc he knows what the futures market is about to do
[+6] u/Careless-Jacket-6929: Open the Fuckin’ Strait!! You crazy bastards
[+6] u/Careless-Jacket-6929: Went from glory to god to praise be to allah
[+6] u/Larkalis: I bet we go another week of green because why the hell not in this market? Only event that might change the direction is "Boots on the ground."
Last Thursday, oil increased 10%, and stocks went full "V."
[+6] u/NakedPatrick: This is going to go SO well
[+6] u/Retaining-Wall: I have no clue what my moves are.
[+6] u/MrForever_Alone69: Give me another liberation like day daddy 🥭 I want a generation wealth opportunity
[+6] u/Electronic_Sky_1413: Is 🥭 regarded or am I???
[+6] u/king_of_all_retards: Omg finally a new thread
[+6] u/Haunting-Window-5125: Whether we pump or drop tomorrow, puts are the right call with cpi coming
[+6] u/6esticata: What’s on Tuesday, 8:00 P.M. Eastern Time ?
[+6] u/MoleMan199: I need 620 tomorrow, is that too much to ask for? Praise be to Allah 🙏
[+6] u/StraitOfHummus: My four monitor setup powered by a CPU that predates the Obama administration is being powered on soon to start losing money on scales never seen before due to a single 2am tweet.
[+6] u/PositiveEdge4361: The situation is monitoring me
[+6] u/Blackhole_sun81: EVERYTHING IS FINE, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT !!!!
😭 😭
[+5] u/Soci3talCollaps3: Holding my breath until my Friday puts recover.
[+5] u/Silver-Speaker7104: Believe it or not, calls
[+5] u/Who_is_Your_Zaddy: Hate looong weekend when the casino is closed
[+5] u/Oldschoolhype2: Its been 6 years since SPY circuit breaker. Please.
[+5] u/Thotmas01: Getting ready to spend 6 hours staring at meaningless oil and spy futures between shitposts
[+5] u/Standard-Top-5942: Taco Tuesday or nuclear holocaust ... just another week with 🥭 as president. 3 more years to go!
[+5] u/Muted-South4737: The J is for Genius!
[+5] u/AdditionalMany1292: Nice of 🥭 to wait till taco Tuesday to taco
[+5] u/NOtangibEL: In germany tomorrow is a holiday. But your casino is open right?👀
[+5] u/SocraticGoats: Bool & Ber & Theta & Cash gang are fukt
[+5] u/Bichael-Murry: # I AM BUYING!
^((oil))
[+5] u/Full_Boysenberry_198: Wife thought today would be the perfect day to go buy dead people’s stuff (estate sales)
[+5] u/aquaticsardonic: "Go get your own oil" feels like it was months ago what is happening lmfao
[+5] u/OverallBlock9028: > BREAKING: Iran rejected proposal to open Strait of Hormuz in exchange for temporary ceasefire, according to Wall Street Journal report.
So calls it is
[+5] u/WIWIWIWIIIII: iran just told trump he doesn t have the cards lmaoooo, gotta love karma
[+47] u/SaltyKrew: My portfolio is gon get allah akbarred tmrw
[+43] u/CursedClownz: BREAKING NEWS :
MELANIA WILL BE "ESCORTING" THE SHIPS OUT OF HORMUZ
[+31] u/bardhizi: Open the fuckin market you crazy bastards! Praise be to Allah!
[+29] u/celebratorycremation: Happy Easter everyone praise be to Allah.
[+22] u/Careless_Ad6067: He rly is the retard whisperer cuz it seems like his base is still eating this shit up
[+22] u/Ordinary-Ad2052: Bru we went to from “we are winning the war” to “open the f*ing strait, you crazy bastards” 😭
[+22] u/soad1331: You guys are a bunch of junkies. Just twitching, waiting for futes to open to get your little fix.
[+21] u/fomoandyoloandnogrow: **BLOOD FOR THE OIL GOD**
**SAND FOR THE SAND THRONE**
[+21] u/kryptonyk: See? Y’all forgot about Epstein
[+21] u/More_Advertising_383: Bullish sentiment in here. Uh oh. Deep red Monday indeed.
[+20] u/Icommandyou: That tweet is going into the historical archives of famous words said by the wartime presidents
[+20] u/DarkR124: I’m not normally a conspiracy guy but the gas at the pumps right now is 100% being diluted. Filled up to 3/4 of a tank Wednesday night and I’m already less than a quarter tank. I drive a civic too. My gas bill going to be up two fold this month.
Ain’t no way man.
[+17] u/twostroke1: Donald literally Tom Cruise’s character in Tropic Thunder trying to negotiate with Iran “ok fuck face. first, take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE.”
[+17] u/JustFuckingSendIt: OPEN THE FUKIN’ CASINO, YOU CRAZY BASTARDS. PRAISE BE ALLAH
[+16] u/7fingersDeep: Could he TACO into Islam?
“Praise Allah. I am now Mohammed Trump and I declare the strait open and SPY at 900. Praise be upon him.”
[+16] u/BallsHardest: Open the Fuckin' Casino, you crazy bastards! Praise be to Allah!
[+16] u/HowIsEmuWarriorTaken: Feels like i don't have enough puts after reading the headlines this weekend.
[+15] u/NotaFTCAgent: a Sea of Red. Praise to Allah!
[+14] u/zeren1ty: JUST IN: Iran rejects US proposal to open Strait of Hormuz in exchange for temporary ceasefire, Wall Street Journal reports.
Oil bulls are about to make serious bank tomorrow.
[+14] u/bigdaddyrongregs: What you idiots don’t understand is that we’re only invading Iran to distract from invading Greenland which is a false flag for invading Venezuela which is a false flag for invading Canada
[+14] u/myjumboloanapp: Open the f***ing market, you crazy bastards
Praise be to Allah.
— 🥭
[+13] u/dljmonkeyboiz: Funny how Iran can close an entire choke point for global oil supply and SPY has dropped 5%. BOJ says they’re gonna raise interest rates and watch SPY drop 10%. We are not serious ppl.
[+13] u/Warren_Buffets_Son: Guys, I know how the stock market could behave tomorrow.
It could go up.
It could also go down.
It could potentially even go sideways.
These are my 3 predictions. Thoughts?
[+13] u/mark1forever: whatever you do, don't follow wsb tomorrow 😂
[+13] u/BjergBetterThanFaker: mango is strait up retardmaxxing holy shit
[+13] u/AdditionalActuator81: Well expect a 3% green pump tomorrow
[+13] u/uncsucks: 46 minutes until my life has meaning again
[+13] u/Historical_Cover8133: Woha, Mango’s latest tweet is… something else.
[+13] u/LadderAdmirable: Is this the only war where we didn't have a single -3% day. MM has taken the fun out of this game lol
[+13] u/MetalEnthusiast83: You have two days. And to show you that we’re serious, you now have two weeks.
[+12] u/pleasestoptalkin: Watching you guys kick and scream while the market goes up on Monday is going to be fun
[+12] u/Cav829: I am at Easter dinner with family and my ultra conservative aunt who voted for Mango twice has already given 3 separate rants about him lol.
[+12] u/cryptopolymath: One Truth from Ayatollah Assaholla and your Calls are toast
[+12] u/Intelligent-Claim193: Reddit un banned me after they realized my post about 🥭 and Allah was actually. Quote from the pres
[+12] u/No_Lobster_1102: Bulls about to convert to muslim because daddy 🥭 say allah
[+12] u/DebtOk4461: This week will be historic.
[+12] u/Upstairs_Deal3108: This place will be a shitshow when futes open deep red in 56mins
[+12] u/No_Signal_6969: Chat moving so fast noone will know I used to be gay
[+11] u/hodl_poke_stay_calm: Everyone expects the world to end soon, so SPY will probably reach new ATH in the next few months
[+11] u/abroadbroadband: He heard about the 72 virgins thing and switched sides immediately
SPY 72VIRGINS
[+11] u/Potential_Version_34: In an interview with ABC News US, Trump said the conflict should be over in days, not weeks, but if not, "we're blowing up the whole country" and there is "very little" off the table.
It’s nukes isn’t it
He means nukes
☹️
[+11] u/wotton: If I buy $100 of USO I can GUARANTEE AN IMMEDIATE CEASEFIRE AND END OF ALL HOSTILITIES.
[+11] u/Mediocre_Pangolin572: Guys, forget options. Invest in a pair of these, you will be walking everywhere for the next couple of months. I know you can't afford gas.
https://preview.redd.it/v8z14ie7tftg1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=08ce088fc00153eafc3900d9e64b86954469f48d
[+11] u/Unique_username93_: We’re kind of all fiends in here, huh? I’m starting to itch for the market to open simply so I can watch in fascination.
[+11] u/imusuallydrunkatnine: So tired of being hungover.
[+11] u/abroadbroadband: This Tuesday
**TUESDAY**
# TUESDAY!
~~Monster Trucks~~
POWER PLANTS!
[+10] u/ProudPeak3570: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[+10] u/veggieroll1up: When you have dementia, they let you do it.
[+10] u/buy_high_sell_never: Praise be to Allah didn't work. Maybe try Open Sesame..?
[+10] u/cbusoh66: Pope Leo calls for global leaders to choose peace in his first Easter Mass
🥭's message on Easter Sunday: Open the fucking Strait you bastards or I unleash hell upon you
SPY up 3% tomorrow because war is good for stocks, fuck the Pope
[+10] u/Liquidtears: Tuesday 8pm Eastern time.
We storm Area 51. Naruto style and ask for the Alien files?
[+10] u/AllCapNoBrake: My move tomorrow is to run to Costco and pick up supplies.
[+10] u/throwawaydonaldinho: He even scheduled the deadline to Taco Tuesday like come on people just buy calls…
[+10] u/SheBenOnMyJohnson: My boomer dad said give a week and Iran will be out of drone, missiles and “pea shooters” that was a month ago
[+10] u/Salty-Bid1597: I am no longer monitoring the situation
[+10] u/Dizzy-Green-3188: I'm going to buy puts because it always goes down more and I watched the big short last night! I'm so smart
[+10] u/cyberr_c28z: BE GAY WHEN OTHERS ARE RETARDED
[+9] u/RuthlessWolf: Futures are smooth. Market is going to be green Tuesday and Wednesday. Ladies and Gentlemen you heard it hear first. Save this comment for later. Just off the phone with Iran and they said sure.
[+9] u/Due-Dirt-8428: Wouldn’t be shocked to hear “I declare the strait closed by the power of the us military! We are in control and we are keeping it closed!!” Just to play reverse oncology. Keep em on their toes
[+9] u/Either-Lie-9000: israel agreeing to a full ceasefire is the signal, ignore everything else
[+9] u/Alone_Education_2530: Any chance Allah also lives in Cuba?
[+9] u/RoverV: Happy Fuckin Easter.
[+9] u/ResponsibleAnt8049: might as well start releasing the truth social posts in hebrew mr. president
[+9] u/_Doomer_Wojack_: Once again I am asking for a -7% flash crash day. FUCK JUST DO IT ALREADY
[+9] u/GuyFaulks77: No chance tomorrow is red
[+9] u/Tzengi: Hope yall bought puts before closing last Thursday
[+9] u/eyerollingsex: Not really seeing how the situation improved
[+9] u/Basic-Kale3169: Maybe the goal is to bankrupt the biggest casino in the world?
[+8] u/Illustrious_Lion7671: It's a bad idea to put your life savings into one inverse etf!! No matter how pessimistic you are, the market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent! Please friends, don't ruin your own lives
[+8] u/FalseDiamond7930: Feels like the market is going to tank, calls.
[+8] u/JeronimoPearson: Tuesday evening will turn into 2 weeks
[+8] u/iShitBloodandCumShit: No red ties pissed about swearing on Easter and praising allah?
[+8] u/pmotiveforce: I did not have batshit mentally ill Nancy Mace and MTG unlikely voices of reason on my 2026 bingo card.
[+8] u/kellyk311: This is sure to put him at the top of the Nobel committees list of contenders.
[+8] u/pmotiveforce: 100% certain that Nothing Happens (tm). I am as ber as they get but I will be buying 1dte calls if we dip tomorrow.
We have seen this boring movie 50 times at this point we all know how it ends. Iran, behind the scenes agrees to some small concession. He claims victory and extends deadline or just up and pulls out claiming we got what we wanted.
It is written in stone.
[+8] u/Slow-Information-847: I am still wondering why two C-130 wanted to land on Iranian mountains, they are not Cessnas that can take off on any road.
[+8] u/MusingsAndMind: crashing upwards
dumping in reverse
white swan event
[+8] u/AMCorBUST2021: Jaime Lannister was a complex and underrated character in GOT
[+8] u/Significant_Speed854: Sunday scaries are real. Don’t want to work tomorrow.
[+8] u/veggieroll1up: Can’t be charged with war crimes if you haven’t officially declared it a war. *black guy tapping side of his head meme*
[+8] u/Moepenmoes: IAEA CHIEF GROSSI: IRAN HAS VERY BIG STOCKPILE OF HIGHLY ENRICHED URANIUM NEAR MILITARY-GRADE; VAST MAJORITY AT ISFAHAN, SOME AT NATANZ; ENOUGH FOR FEW WARHEADS EVEN IF PARTIALLY MOVED
[+8] u/Significant_Speed854: Don’t forget 🥭speaks 1pm tomorrow
[+8] u/financiallythriving: Imagine tomorrow being your birthday
[+8] u/Tay_Tay86: IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
IN TWO MORE WEEKS
[+7] u/Massive-Assistant387: Barrons wrote about the IRGC being more of a theocratic resistance than anything else back in January of this year. That means they are committed to confronting Western influence, favoring ideological survival over compromise. I really dont see them backing down.
Here’s the article if you’re curious:
https://www.barrons.com/news/iran-s-revolutionary-guards-the-force-steering-repression-ff74b703
[+7] u/88Babies: I gotta feeling we are gonna rally then it will slowly drop to theta fuck the puts.
[+7] u/Scribble_Box: I fucking hate long weekends.
[+7] u/Reasonable-Ear9627: Full port calls can never go wrong 😏
[+7] u/Cav829: I kind of expect a “wtf” rally tomorrow and then we get zonked Tuesday just because people buying into $112-$114/barrel oil last week are long past caring about fundamentals and it would be the perfect moment the bears seem to be giving up only to rug pull.
[+7] u/Fkn1v1mem8: I have 4 5/29 660 puts. I am open to suggestions for the color of my lambo
[+7] u/NazgulSandwich: SpaceX IPO in June is like a big red timer hanging over the entire market.
T- 2.5 months to D-day
[+7] u/HarryBallZach812: If things go sideways, they may have to change Israel to Wasrael
[+7] u/kal14144: SPY changing its name to Allah
[+7] u/Imadogfishhead: Futes market opens in about an hr 120. Going 5 contracts short MNQ on the open. Who’s with me.
[+7] u/SenileOldDude: Pretty pissed my job didn’t tell me that I fucked up my contributions, so my entire paycheck went into my 401k. I guess the good news is that it bought the dip?
[+7] u/dudeondacouch: My move tomorrow is stuffing my face with leftovers.
[+7] u/Warren_Buffets_Son: I feel like I'm in the Groundhog Day because every week there's news of peace on Monday, victory by Tuesday, and escalation by Friday.
[+7] u/pleasestoptalkin: It’s not a competition but I found more eggs than you guys today
[+7] u/Dorkasteri: 🥭 reliving his fratboy era with NATO
”I’m so handsome, fuck me”
”Please please fuck me, plzz”
”Oh, you are not going to fuck me? Well fuck you stupid whore. You are fat, ugly and I wouldn’t fuck you anyway”
[+7] u/MrYOLOMcSwagMeister: Another bullshit week ahead
[+7] u/Roxorek: The wire is the best series ever
[+7] u/_pout_: 0.5% odds of a TACO after that morning tweet. He even backpedaled on the significance of the strait.
[+6] u/AirportMaterial5917: he wanna hang wit a bad bitch he wanna hang with a bad bitch aye yuh
[+6] u/Bonkers119: Taco gonna give them one more extension, then he’ll mean it.
[+6] u/Confident_Bee1447: OPEN THE FUCKIN’ CASINO YOU SLAGS!
[+6] u/SlipperyToots: Open 3.5% red, recover by noon, flat til close
[+6] u/FullCopy: Bols holding over the weekend will be going to the soup line on Monday. Praise be to Allah.
- 🥭
[+6] u/veggieroll1up: 660c 0dte lottos gonna pay nicely once he announces we made a deal to extend the deadline another 2 weeks to make another deal to extend another 2 weeks
[+6] u/makemytrap: I have been out for few months. What did I miss? Looking forward to a normal green 1st Monday of April.
[+6] u/questionr: Make gainz, not war. Nobody cares about the moral implications of anything, anyway. Might as well get paid.
[+6] u/Affectionate-Tax9885: National average for regular gas will hit $6
[+6] u/SheBenOnMyJohnson: Way too bullish in here
[+6] u/VisualMod: #Ban Bet Lost
/u/Mackenzii91 made a bet that SPY would go to 569.5641 within **1 week** when it was 632.849 and it did not, so they were banned for a week.
Their record is now 3 wins and 35 losses
[**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)
[+6] u/1M-to-Zero: Open the fucking strait.
[+6] u/astromouse2024: ‘His rage bait is working lol’ holy cope
[+6] u/Far-Requirement9180: I stepped on dog shit today. Bullish lol
[+6] u/Ok-Poetry-4721: to think we have 3 more years of this shit
[+6] u/Connect-Engine-7267: So funny to call it a ReTruth. Every one makes it more true
[+6] u/31andnotdone: dont forget to wash ur belly button
[+6] u/Laxman259: Israel would nuke Tehran
[+5] u/Apha-apha: Buy calls if red or buy puts if green by open🤟
[+5] u/Zimoula: Pick up the phone and call the puts
[+5] u/radishr: So...if these talks between Oman and Iran lead to more tankers getting through the strait, oil prices will go down, right? Right?!
[+5] u/Majestic_Natural_361: I mean, surely they’ll see that truth and have an aha moment and open the straight
[+5] u/NewlyOld31: So glad I'm not one of these people that needs a 5% move overnight lol
[+5] u/Gusstastic: No crying in the casino.
[+5] u/PuzzledLeader8941: Lost so much money this week im switching to space stocks
[+5] u/Independent_Name_601: Anyone undefeated with ban bets? Minimum 10
[+5] u/RagingBearBull: It would be so fucking funny if Xi just accepts it, and acknowledges Taiwan as an independent country.
accepting all the shame and NVIDA chips with the shame
[+5] u/hodl_poke_stay_calm: Please open the casino
[+5] u/fomoandyoloandnogrow: The market thought it was all over and no more missing fighter pilot, ceasefire on the horizon, then moron 🥭 had to post something: https://www.yahoo.com/news/politics/article/trump-issues-expletive-laden-threat-to-strike-irans-power-grid-tuesday-after-seals-rescue-downed-airman-150657230.html
[+5] u/katrav86: over half of my positions expire this fine week: (all are short positions, naked as they should be born). if we don't do 5% either way, thank you for your donation - whover bought this useless shit from me
positions (puts were started when we were in deep panic, calls when it looked like we have some euphoria back when QQQ was 600)
NVDA - 18 puts strike 150
AVGO - 10 puts strike 280-285
MU - 10 puts strike 290
NBIS - 40 calls strike 150
NVDA - 10 calls strike 195
[+5] u/CEO-of-SOXL: Futures blood 🩸 red 😂
Sent from Motorola StarTAC
[+5] u/Impressive_Fly_4339: Im gonna jerk off and smoke weed sorry wall street
[+5] u/onlyonequickquestion: My move tomorrow same as my move today, cry into my liquor
[+5] u/Future-Call8541: Where's the old wsb energy? We should be piling into USO.
[+5] u/bardhizi: I don’t know about you but I’m ready to make some money!
[+5] u/FullCopy: Mr. Khameni. Open this straight. Also, tear down this wall too, if you get a chance.
- 🥭
[+5] u/ThinkWin2617: Spy 0dte calls tomorrow. Mr. President doesn't like when the market drops.
[+5] u/fomoandyoloandnogrow: Strait of Hormuz: “Do you not fear death?”
Average bull on WSB: “I think I’ll take my chances sir”
🥭 Tuesday: “To the Depths” 💀
[+5] u/TechnologyEven6926: Didn’t the Hormuz open last night? With that whiskey bottle? What happened
[+5] u/kenathen: there will be some talk this week
[+5] u/BeginnersDuck777: So, if shit goes really bad I’m down the road from a bunch of super yachts. Do those just have a push button start?
[+5] u/Mikekio: Puts puts puts puts puts
[+5] u/Numerous-Stand-1841: Please crash so I can buy the dip
[+5] u/justlosinmoney: Shits definitely going down tomorrow why would he tell them Tuesday surprise monday
[+5] u/Andromeda_0507: On Thursday i becom ber and it go up not fair :(
[+5] u/Worried_Quarter469: Some of you don’t understand he was Islamaxxing and it shows
[+5] u/Due-Dirt-8428: Unfortunately tomorrow will certainly close green lmao
[+5] u/Thebaxxxx: I barely have energy to goon rn tbh
[+5] u/fxckerixon: ALL IN ON OIL, tankers and logistics 😛😛😛
[+5] u/absolutxtr: Al Jazz airlines: "So on one hand, we’re hearing the president saying he is going to blow everything up and take the oil. On the other hand, the president is saying, we are talking, negotiations are going well, and a possible agreement is coming soon."
Spy in purgatory for "only 2-3 more weeks."
[+5] u/Vegeta9001: Red tomorrow followed by a big, green TACO Tuesday
[+29] u/No-Improvement3164: There was the 1987 crash, Dot com crash, 2008 Financial crisis, 2020 Covid crash, 2025 Liberation day crash and then there was the :
2026 Open the Fucking strait or I’ll send you back to the Stone Ages Face Ripping Rally like you’ve never seen before. 😂😂
[+26] u/Anxious-Pear4200: Thats a huge number of deaths on all sides just to cover up the Epstein files.
[+26] u/PulIthEld: https://www.forbes.com/sites/zacharyfolk/2026/04/05/iranian-officials-now-threatening-to-close-bab-al-mandeb-strait-after-trump-threats/
new strait just dropped
[+22] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: Baby boomers are going to be known as the fuck up generation. They were handed literally the biggest powerhouse country in world history where they literally just needed to keep investing in the future and somehow through greed and stupidity blew it
[+20] u/Cantthinkofacoolnam: LETS GOOOOO
-20% tomorrow
[+18] u/Objective_Back_2581: As a software dev, I miss when there was no AI. Everyday I’m haunted by some guy being 3 steps ahead of me because he used his Claude tokens slightly more efficiently. Fuck this bs.
[+16] u/Ecomonist: The only reason I'm here is because I got yelled at for pushing kids out of the way at the Easter Egg hunt. I thought 1 through 5 was the amount of eggs we were allowed to get, not the age of kids I would be competing with. Apparently the whole function is no adults allowed. Miffed!!
[+16] u/Polysorbate800: Open the fuckin’ market, you Crazy Bastards!
[+14] u/Senior_Professional4: BREAKING: in the last 5 minutes a record number of degenerate traders just mysteriously excused themselves from easter dinner
[+13] u/polychris: I very seriously considered going to cash like a month ago, didn’t. So I’m just holding, because literally any day can be taco day and we’ll rebound like 5%. This shit is untradeable because we got a fucking madman with keys to a nuclear arsenal tweeting nonsense threats
[+13] u/NoBuyers: Round 6 🔔
Strait: closed
Futures: (soon) open
[+13] u/Sharp-Direction-6894: I made a comment on a reddit post yesterday that got 2.2k upvotes.
If only I could do that with options.
[+13] u/No-Improvement3164: Imagine holding puts over Easter weekend and the POTUS throws around the F- Bomb threatening to send another country back to the stone ages and calls print. 😂
[+13] u/Marshmallowmind2: 'Open the fuckin straits! You crazy bastards! "..... No, that isn't Bruce Willis in die hard. That's POTUS 47 🇺🇸
[+13] u/wendysdumpstr: need a real bol extinction event this week, the bols here are getting cocky
[+13] u/fan_of_hakiksexydays: So green on open on Monday, probably red close.
Then rally on TACO Tuesday when the deadline gets extended another week.
Then red on Wednesday when oil futures hit $120.
Then green Thursday when "great progress in negotiations".
Then red on Friday when "I'm tired of these motherf\*#!king Iranians closing this motherf\*#!king strait".
[+13] u/Mission_Ad_6234: Do you guys use this app near your family too?
[+13] u/Put_Er_There_Sport: Futes open in 8 minutes boys. Godspeed
[+13] u/sawkonmaicok: Freak the fuck out and panic sell everything. It's fucking over.
[+13] u/VascularBoat69: 🥭 converting to Islam on Easter was priced in
[+12] u/Majestic-Ad-1448: Are the war crimes starting on Tuesday in US or Tuesday in Iran? Cuz they're a day ahead.
[+12] u/Idlehour_Knives: People who make “hating California” their whole identity are funny to me. It’s such sour grapes, like hating the prom queen for being beautiful.
[+12] u/SlfImpr: We are in just the 5th week of this operaition.
Considering Iraq and Afghanistan wars went on for years, at what point will the market become immune to the tweets and just ignore it as background noise and keep chugging along?
[+12] u/Mean_Bumblebee1945: Last week he said the war will propably end in 2 weeks, but at the same time gave a deadline until Monday which he extended now to tuesday. what a joke.
[+12] u/yyn1999: Iran leaving the USA on read 😂
[+12] u/skychief99: You'll know it's bad when Costco runs out of water and 50 pound bags of rice
[+12] u/dumbest-bastard: Do you even praise be to Allah, habibi?
[+11] u/OntologicalSquirrel: >Iran has rejected proposals to reopen the Strait of Hormuz in exchange for a temporary ceasefire and refused to meet U.S. officials in Islamabad, telling mediators that Washington isn't in a position to make demands.
Also, the IRGC stated the strait will never return to its previous status, particularly for the U.S. and Israel, as it finalizes plans for the new Persian Gulf order.
[https://x.com/osintwarfare/status/2040900468248072204](https://x.com/osintwarfare/status/2040900468248072204)
[+11] u/NewDawn101: Ok we’re gonna give Iran 2 more days to open Hormuz then we’re gonna give them some more time
[+11] u/Nice-Truck8806: why do zoomers close off every sentence with an emoji 😂
it's seriously fucking dumb 😠
[+11] u/Happy-Philosophy9211: Futures gonna open blood red
[+11] u/LossMax: Finally got an upvote. Turns out i just post shit content. Thought my posts werent showing up
[+11] u/DeerCum: Holy shit we're fucked
[+11] u/NoBuyers: Financial jihad against the bulls.
[+10] u/drytexterfinalboss: The bitter truth is that I never really meant much to her. She never liked me from the get go, I kinda forced the whole thing trying to make myself look worthy enough for her by constantly giving and giving but getting nothing in return. 🙂↕️
[+10] u/Therecanbenopeace: “I meant THIS line in the sand.”
[+10] u/ExcitingPackage1301: i am bear but given how regarded market is. it will likely open green
[+10] u/thefrozen_one: Good thing I held my puts over the weekend. I knew something stupid was gonna happen
[+10] u/Senior_Professional4: Did you even thank allah?
[+10] u/Maximum-Cash7103: Sitting at Easter dinner waiting on these futures to open like a degenerate
[+10] u/somewhereoverthedune: 4-D chess for the drool cup crowd.
[+9] u/Emotional_Tie_7927: Strait of Hormuz more like strait up ur ass
[+9] u/PossumImposter2: RIP to anyone (me) who held silver over the weekend
[+9] u/Nakedputbuyer: 🥭: I never do. I'm not like the other administration that would say we're going into Mosul in four months. I don't talk about it".
🥭: Tuesday, 8:00 P.M. Eastern Time!
[+9] u/Ferret_Rough: Guaranteed green tomorrow
[+9] u/skychief99: Israel likes us. That's it. Were screwed.
[+9] u/Shoganai_Hito: Iran Now Threatening To Close Bab Al-Mandeb Strait After DJT Threats
Time to form my own strait and block it rn i guess
[+9] u/CPA-hole: 8 minutes until my life has meaning again
[+9] u/rocier: gonna be a long year. possibly a long great depression 2.0
[+9] u/zuziannka: Man most of the girls out there are just there to waste your time just concentrate on yourself
[+9] u/Ok-Prior-9953: Abbreviating the “fucking” in “open the fuckin’ strait” is bearish
[+9] u/Competitive-Elk9326: We should’ve just let him into art school 😭
[+9] u/papasmurftp: "I don't support war or violence..."
proceeds to support both war and violence
[+8] u/Funny_Story2759: Open the fuckin strait!
[+8] u/RepulsiveDisaster671: #FUTES ARE GAY & UNTRUSTWORTHY
[+8] u/PimpCforlife: are green dildos haram?
[+8] u/Yasqweenn: Nothing like an unhinged Truth social post on a Holy Day. 🤣🤣🤣✝️
[+8] u/Normal_Finance_3083: #War deescalation is happening according to bulls. 🤌
[+8] u/Powerful_Mission_655: Open the casino so i can lose it before my wife takes her bf out with it
[+8] u/Majestic-Bass6772: i hope japan already started shorting oil that'd be really funny
[+8] u/LossMax: Bears about to find out war is bullish again
[+8] u/Senior_Professional4: You just checked if futes were open during a family bbq 🫵🫵🫵
[+8] u/Usedillusion7: The amount of people that are about to rush and check futures even though it will mean absolutely nothing for your positions is mind boggling. Had to hurry and get this comment off before I check myself.
[+8] u/Wowmuchrya: This thread is now a retarded bull copium thread for the next 16 hours.
[+8] u/Kind-Recognition4528: I'm panic selling everything at open. Fuck it.
[+8] u/TheMatinow: Oil to 150, praise to Allah
[+8] u/the_mind_goblin1: excellent, i can now continue looking at my little numbers
[+7] u/What-the-fluff-: 2.5 hrs for the casino to open
[+7] u/FabulousLanguage6216: I’m scared that everyone seems to be 100% sure that he will TACO, including Iran. So he might actually do it
[+7] u/nadoterisback: Weekend dow reversed from -1.5% yesterday to -0.1% now. Bears are fucked. Futes blood green tonight.
[+7] u/sanndman: "Fifteen ships passed through Strait of Hormuz with permission from Iran over past 24 hours: Fars"
[+7] u/Throwaway18987987: Open the Fuckin’ futes, you crazy bastards 😤
[+7] u/CATLLM: wEeKeNd dOw oNLy -0.5%
[+7] u/nyse25: would you rather have a million dollars in 5 years or 5 dollars in a million years 🤔
[+7] u/ThisIsMyRedditAcct20: Trump has lost the plot. Shocking
[+7] u/Mission_Ad_6234: I’m sick rn is this a sign to quit this. I have dreams of breaking even
[+7] u/Anonymustafar: My mossad agent of a wife informed me futes will be red
[+7] u/AfraidAnalyst: Had to take my doggo to the vet for a random anal gland explosion.
Need solid picks for tomorrow, vets charge whatever the fuck they want
[+7] u/Few-Frosting-4213: I don't know but a world leader making essentially unhinged shitposts is pretty concerning.
[+7] u/littlecomet111: Commodity markets open in six minutes. Easy money on crude and heating oil.
[+7] u/kaapooj: >An aviation notice issued Saturday said that “due to limited fuel availability from Air BP Italia, refueling services for operators contractually linked to Air BP Italia may be subject to restrictions.” The affected airports are Bologna, Milan Linate, Treviso and Venice.
https://www.politico.eu/article/italy-airport-jet-fuel-restriction
[+7] u/Typical-Layer-1253: I’m so confident the market will crash another 20% to 30% that I sold all my stocks last week. 🥭 so dumb he will cause the biggest crash in a while and it’s so obvious. I’m convincing my friends to
All sell their stocks too
[+7] u/Waveytony: Oil prices about to give 🌽 a reality check in 5 min
[+7] u/Iknowyougotsole: No way these futes can ever turn green by tomorrow guaranteed
[+7] u/botistic: PLEASE GIVE US A -2% DAY!!! ALLAHHH🙏
[+7] u/DifficultGarlic6: Just so people remember, last thursday futures were down 1.2% before market open and we ended up green EOD on thursday. Futures are literally fake and ghey, regardless if you're a bol or bear.
[+7] u/Future_Chipmunk_7897: Like every photo or comment she's ever made on social media
[+6] u/PompeiiSketches: According the principle of topsy turvy the market will be flat or slightly green this week.
[+6] u/Concept-Plastic: Buying more gold tomorrow.
[+6] u/triwyn: believe it or not, cash.
[+6] u/staresinshamona: he is risen
he = my puts
[+6] u/Normal_Finance_3083: #The person you love has her strait open for someone else. LMAO 🤌
[+6] u/NoodHigga69: All gas cars soon to be status symbol. Even your shitty nissan brokeboi.
[+6] u/Professional_Con_007: Get ready for the huge green hulk bers you're gonna need all the lube you can buy with your march gains
[+6] u/20kgamblingdebtnojob: Stacking renewable under trump is like stacking tech under Obama
[+6] u/d33p7r0ubl3: Open the Fuckin’ Futes, you crazy bastards! Praise be to allah.
[+6] u/d33p7r0ubl3: Red at night bulls delight
[+6] u/ComfortableNo5231: Same as every sunday down by 0.5%
[+6] u/yushey__: dips about to be bought back in literally 5 mins
[+6] u/Happy-Philosophy9211: Why is gold still closed
[+6] u/DefiantDelta: 115 crude, sayonara bul
[+6] u/0DTEKing: Oil on its way to ATH this week
[+6] u/borkdpasito: Oil open was insane lol - Asia is thirsty af for that American ‘ol
[+6] u/StockB0Y: This market is so fake wars cancelled it goes up 5% warns actually continuing minus half a percent at best
[+6] u/TomatoSpecialist6879: He's going to one sidedly claim they came to a deal and cancel the bombing before market open, causing market to rip upwards. Then Iran will announce by 10am for the 11th time that he's full of shit and talking to himself again, which will rugpull everyone for what is... I stopped counting
[+6] u/PossibleLack835: NO CEASEFIRE. IRANS BEEN NAUGHTY THIS YEAR, NEED A GOOD SPANKING LIKE ALL NAUGHTY CHIDREN DO
[+5] u/99Fan: All this fud to open futes at -0.3%
Bers LMAO
[+5] u/StrictGuide2475: how to 4x my port so i can retire at 21?
[+5] u/somewhereoverthedune: Taco has lost Alex Jones.
[+5] u/wattap: #some of you bears have googled “IRGC donate” and it shows
[+5] u/NotRllytho: My dog just shit in some guys yard and the guy stepped on it. Bullish.
[+5] u/No-Improvement3164: I say we start placing bets on next years Easter weekend.
[+5] u/EnginrA: I need a woman to pleasure
[+5] u/Diamond-Solo: I watch one spiritualist video on youtube without meaning to now my feed is full of it
Why are all these chicks total baddies too
Crazy hot theory rings true
[+5] u/diefy7321: The loser ber bots are out lmfaooooo
[+5] u/Antique_Cabinet8416: as Jesus rises, the DOW shall fall
[+5] u/Majestic-Bass6772: back to back senile presidents 😂😂😂 can't believe this is our lives
[+5] u/brock2063: WTF there's a second straight??
[+5] u/Maximum-Magazine-333: BREAKING: Futes aren’t moving, instead are on their knees to Allah
[+5] u/Marshmallowmind2: Of all the crazy billionaires in the world and we still haven't found a non side effect cure for hair loss?
[+5] u/fightoraccept: I need to make some money this week. Probably won't.
[+5] u/artandambition: Drinking Paloma’s and Mojitos cause why not.
[+5] u/PulIthEld: Trump woulda got along well with the Shah
[+5] u/Level_Counter3062: Futes flat guarunteed
[+5] u/Poptart_Salad: I really don't think admin advisors are texting Araghchi but hey gotta pump the market somehow right?
[+5] u/Weekly_One8412: You I think trump is using extreme rhetoric today to push markets down as far as he can Monday, using fear.
There will be some kind of taco when the deadline is maxed out. Far OTM calls at the bottom??
[+5] u/Axonum: WHAT IS THAT CANDLE LOL
[+5] u/Playless: yup SPY 700 on monday
[+5] u/protectthezen: Trump hitting the hookah like “wallah they want a ceasefire JD”
[+5] u/BlackKnightsOptions: You guys overreacting way too hard
[+5] u/RockasaurusRex: Oil to $200 this year.
[+5] u/Put_Er_There_Sport: Imagine we go up on the possibility that we get control of the strait instead of absolutely tanking at futes open.
Also just remember. Im damn near always wrong lmao
[+5] u/BreakingBadBones: Does anyone realistically think Iran will be willing for a ceasefire, even if it’s temporary?
[+5] u/Pretty_Ad_7885: Am i the only one that thinks the 8 pm Tuesday post is refering to time when they start the invasion not postpone of deal time
[+5] u/falling_knives: Not down enough, this is gonna end up green.
[+5] u/TrollerCoasterWoo: The war ends every few days. All objectives have been completed. We’re just there to complete the objectives even more. Try to keep up
[+5] u/rbraalih: Eurorich chilling another day, amerifats gotta graft LMAO
[+5] u/arthriticpug: i do the opposite of what i think too and tomorrow i’m thinking calls, but that means i should do puts which means you should do calls
[+5] u/CATLLM: I stopped doing it cause toilet paper gets stuck
[+28] u/Exact_Entrepreneur66: [https://x.com/IRANinZB/status/2040827338171003322](https://x.com/IRANinZB/status/2040827338171003322)
This is from official iranian embassy account...Reality is becoming a meme at this point
[+25] u/SilverPrivateer: Careers in US
1. military
2. Ice
3. changing boomers diapers
[+24] u/jonneh: > 🌑 Mar 22: “Open Hormuz in 48 hrs!”
>
> 🌓 Mar 26: “Open Hormuz in 5 days!”
>
> 🌔 Mar 27: “Open Hormuz in 10 days!”
>
> 🌕 Apr 4: “Open Hormuz in 48 hrs!”
>
> 🌒 Apr 5: “Open Hormuz by Tuesday!”
>
> 🌖 Apr 7: “Open fuckin’ strait by Tue!”
>
> 🌓 Apr 7: “Open Hormuz by Wednesday”
[+23] u/Dear_Respond4522: I cant believe I have to come to this den of buffoonery for breaking news like its a fucking doomberg terminal but here I am again learning about some shit from a guy who posts feet pics smh
[+20] u/neaturee: Wouldn’t it be something if Iran invaded the US.
[+20] u/SearchUsual5193: Iranian Foreign Minister:
“Bridges can be rebuilt, but the opportunity to discipline America will not be repeated.”
[+18] u/justanaveragejoe520: We live in a market where every metric is telling you we are fucked but we probably somehow will end up flat tomorrow. 🍿🍿🍿
[+18] u/darkspherei: 5 minutes before open we'll get unconfirmed reports of a deal and it'll be green
[+17] u/Mr60SPX: Remember when life was simple, and we were asking people to show their butthole instead of opening their Hormuz?
[+17] u/perceptive_AI: Kirkland Signature Chicken Pot Pie, All White Meat, Ready To Bake
Macros
5400 calories
306g of fat
14,940mg of sodium (648% of daily value)
414g of carbs
216g protein
[+17] u/xShiftfaced: We really need to get rid of the two party system in the US.
[+17] u/Educational_Wall3926: Hegseth: We don’t announce anything before we do it. That would be dumb. Got that, stupid journalists?
Trump: I’m going to blow you up on Tuesday.
[+16] u/eje0100: Everyone one of you that bought calls last week on that fake pump deserves what is coming to you this week.
[+15] u/ImadeJesusLaugh: nobody talking about how Iran just threatened to close another Strait? 🤣
[+15] u/patricktu1258: Believe it or not, puts
my fries in the bag
[+15] u/_ThisDickAintFree_: WTF are bulls celebrating? Lmao
[+14] u/whitehypeman: Open up the fuckin' casino you crazy bastards! Praise be to Allah!
[+14] u/Big-Routine222: Who had, “American president praises Allah,” on their bingo card?
[+14] u/_ThisDickAintFree_: ‘Green by open’ types the retard bull as drool runs down their face.
[+14] u/DeezSpicyNuts: My friend hooked me up with this bookie, and I’m new to gambling so I texted the bookie a picture of me pulling my buttcheeks apart and asked “what’s the spread?” and he texted me back like “YO WTF is this shit??” and now my friend is like, super mad at me. I’m not sure what I did wrong?
[+14] u/FeverTreeCloud: 🥭 extends Iran 🇮🇷 deadline
Motherfucker 🌮 without fail
[+14] u/happy_accountant123: Why does it feel like people saying bols this bears that are all like 12 years old and has like $500 invested in their robin hood.
[+13] u/Defiant-Fee-7550: Just got into a fist fight with a crypto bro trying to steal my spot behind the dumpster ✊😤✊
[+13] u/I_work_too_much: West Texas Intermediate Crude Oil is stored in the balls.
[+13] u/Dividedby21mil: Why would Joe Biden do this
[+13] u/Unh0lyCatf1sh: he's gonna keep escalating because its the only thing he can do, his whole gimmick is to continually push the Overton window further and further in to the extreme so that everything he did before seems tame in comparison
shit is gonna get real crazy before this is all over
[+12] u/mangofruitdude: Fuck im top 1 % comments again. Losing money this week is guaranteed
[+12] u/Warm_Implement3088: I just want to see Diesel go to $10 to watch rednecks sell everything they own to live in a truck
[+12] u/Beginning_Sentence69: We gonna see 600 SPY before 700, just saying.
[+12] u/AntiqueProfessor5134: Brent futures keep going up every refresh... opened +1.5 and up to +2.4%
[+12] u/Guilty-Deer-2147: Allah says fuck your calls and puts
[+12] u/kodaksdad2020: Oil at 115 and we can’t even get a proper futures sell off
[+12] u/jmc774: How the fuck can people drink vodka. Shit tastes like straight rubbing alcohol. At least whiskey has flavor
[+12] u/UnivalveX: what did Iran do to us again?
[+11] u/Willing_Spring2736: as long as tesla keeps dropping...its all good..praise be to Allah!
[+11] u/SearchUsual5193: I write a lot of vile shit here even, cause it's funny and not cause I really mean it.
I'm sorry if I offended you, you pussy.
[+11] u/jmc774: 🥭 on Tuesday: "I never said which Tuesday!"
[+11] u/Ok_Material3073: Why all this anti bear and it's down a half percent. Bulls a negative red number means it's bad for you.
[+11] u/Then-Wealth-1481: Open the fucking market you crazy bastards
[+11] u/No_Zookeepergame_27: It’s all because of Hunter’s laptop.
[+11] u/mandoslambo: This fucking market would go +5% if a nuke goes off in Iran on the bet it would open the strait immediately.
[+11] u/Status-Net2947: Nuclear bomb will be dropped for sure
[+11] u/GreenGameboyColor: I'm not the step-dad, I'm the dad that stepped up
[+10] u/A10cc: # OIL JUST GIVES NO FUCKS.
[+10] u/Longjumping_Rip_690: I’m sure the market will magically stay flat somehow, but oil over $120 tomorrow seems very likely.
[+10] u/TrickyDickCheney: Historic buying opportunity until Tuesday creates a new historic buying opportunity
[+10] u/Top_Poetry_8226: Clear the Strait of Hormuz with (beautiful, clean) coal-powered submarines.
[+10] u/Independent-Egg9086: Bitcoin is pumping, you know what that means for market monday 😉
[+10] u/Ill-Expression1737: i have to go through the garbage later to collect cans but when i come back i hope to see alot of green
[+10] u/3ebfan: The taco bar is officially closed. Smart money knows the world is fucked.
[+10] u/IndependentUsual7444: Tomorrow is gonna be a feast for bears
[+10] u/FartPolluter: he praised allah wut more do mms want!?
[+9] u/BrunoTMC: Don't worry bols. -1% is basically green
[+9] u/Fast-Steak-7730: i have puts and its not red enough. green by morning gg
[+9] u/rollinhating: \-0.71%.... what the fuck is this drop??? for ants???
[+9] u/Jagged_Tide: Crude at 115 is gonna be great for the market open tomorrow I’m sure
[+9] u/el_ketchup: Excuse me if oil goes up, stocks should go up right if history (last Thursday) is accurate?
[+9] u/Exact_Entrepreneur66: [https://x.com/IRANinTJ/status/2040772932474196365](https://x.com/IRANinTJ/status/2040772932474196365)
The Iranians are making good use of AI....
[+9] u/Total_Schedule591: The world is so fucked up that investors ignore anything to keep playing casino simulator
[+9] u/PocaMadre69: It turns out none of the bad news from this weekend matters that much we’re barely down half a percent
[+9] u/_ThisDickAintFree_: Only thing dumber than 🥭 is bulls.
[+9] u/Hot_Avocado_2701: Why does this thread look like a bull vs bear war
[+9] u/ILoveWesternCenter: Cmon crude you can reach 150 I believe in you 😂
[+9] u/TheGodDavidLoPan: "Open up the fucking strait!" (me to my wife when im horny)
[+9] u/Ill-Expression1737: my credit score is 490
[+9] u/Me-Regarded: The thing is we know 🥭 will do it, that's actually the scary part
[+9] u/Scared-Signature-452: So you're glad you are not me. Cool.
[+8] u/Beginning_Sentence69: Idk, 0.7% right now...
Probably -1.3% by open.
Black Monday incoming.
[+8] u/A10cc: # HOLY FUCK OIL LOL. IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD OUT THERE.
[+8] u/Aggravating_Fig6288: If this shit crashes after my puts expired useless after that absolute BULLSHIT pump on Thursday I gonna lose it
[+8] u/A10cc: # WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OIL IS TELLING US?
[+8] u/Specialist_Exam_8433: Futes are actually hella bullish right now. Every time we've had a mega gap down like the 2% days on Mondays at the start of the war, or this past Thursday, we always pump. The biggest red days we have had are the ones that are organic (the sell-off takes place during the day).
[+8] u/FearlessStatement144: my god there is a ton of open interest on 590p for 4/17
[+8] u/Late-Tadpole-2318: I dunno, VIX is looking spooky
[+8] u/Specialist_Exam_8433: Green by open, ATH by close.
[+8] u/tika_dengu: Short the Fuckin’ Oil, you crazy bessent, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to JPoW
[+8] u/StocksStormTrooper: Yup Oil green Futes red!
[+8] u/No_Skirt_4689: Why is corn ripping? Spy to rip tomorrow too? Bers r fuk?
[+8] u/Fast-Steak-7730: Bulls celebrating crapto V when SPY not reacting to it. Are they stupid
[+8] u/Own-Wolverine-5361: So many days bols r fuq
[+8] u/Fast-Steak-7730: Only calls that will print is oil
[+8] u/rand_walking_charts: Oil green. SPY green. What can possibly go wrong? 😂😂😂
[+8] u/callsonreddit: People saying green SPY rn are copin
[+8] u/whitewashedsyrian: Future are fake because the market decided on Friday that higher oil prices are bullish
[+8] u/callsonreddit: I just realized people saying SPY green may be in China lol
Their negative SPY be green
[+8] u/winfortheboys: You know off all the empires to fall, this fall has to the most idiotic one, is it?
[+8] u/GoldenAries4: Do the bulls understand that the longer the market fails to price in the seriousness and likely long term nature of this situation, the worse it is for them?
[+8] u/fourfastfoxes: No. They have no reason to provide their opponents time to freely rearm and reposition assets
[+7] u/Sweaty_Platypus69: Honestly, less than 1% drill is tame in the grand scheme of things happening.
Without the buy the dip saving the indexes last week, we would be seeing low 620's..
[+7] u/A10cc: # Dunno guys...it's looking like we gonna have high oil prices for a while.
[+7] u/tika_dengu: Pump the Fuckin’ Futes, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to JPoW
[+7] u/EducationalCicada: Reminder that jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
[+7] u/HistoricalComeBack: Tomorrow he will claim that has received a phone call begging for a deal and offering presents.
On Tuesday you guys know… big TACO day incoming…
Plan accordingly because this one is very obvious
[+7] u/stupidber: Red at night, bol's delight
[+7] u/skin_flute_player: Guys I found an unwrapped chocolate Easter egg in the grass nearby. It has chunks of peanuts and it smells like shit. Is this normal?
[+7] u/Subject_Delay5447: Natural gas prices in the EU are insane right now. Thinking about selling my own actual gas to cover my losses
[+7] u/National-Log5203: Air travel shutting down, every country finally looking to lose the oil dependence…
Trump is a secret agent DEI libcuck confirmed
[+7] u/Gaxicola: Bulls pissed af saying basically flat 😂 your calls are fucked. Gap fill at 630s
[+7] u/hermeskino715: Oil up 3% and SPY not even down more than 1%?
Looks like SPY and oil are sleeping in the same bed. Might as well change SPY to DIDDY
[+7] u/Beginning_Sentence69: SPY -0.9% is enough to cook the calls tomorrow.
[+7] u/_ThisDickAintFree_: If you missed how stupid bulls are last week you’ll get a chance to see it all over again this week.
[+7] u/Unlikely_Proof_7772: Oil all time high means spy all time high
[+7] u/ebfeebfe: It's where I keep Puts
[+6] u/cryptohorn: When americans root for iranians
[+6] u/Pazzaaaaaa: Holy shit, are we going to zero???
[+6] u/Gaxicola: Yeah, am sure your calls are going to print with oil at $115/barrel 😂
[+6] u/UNEXPECTED_PREQUEL: open the fucking casino you crazy bastards
[+6] u/beargambogambo: Sadly I can’t trust my farts anymore
[+6] u/NYGiants181: For how much of a shit storm this year has been, only being down like 4% is pretty solid
[+6] u/cannythecat: When oil goes to 200 dollars a barrel do Japan and America both go bankrupt together in a short squeeze that sends oil to $1000 a barrel?
[+6] u/Advanced_Divide_4641: If America had another civil war would it be east vs west? Or bul vs ber?
[+6] u/IndependentUsual7444: Why did wti surge past brent
[+6] u/ConsciousScar7821: Bruh - dafuq does a bunny have to do with jesus resurrecting?
[+6] u/eje0100: Drill Team 6 just got the call. 💀
[+6] u/HaveTwoBananas: Is this a dump for ants
[+6] u/TrumpChildOnahole: This is gonna be spy 800 eom
[+6] u/AccountOfMyAncestors: Moaning Myrtle will be moaning tonight
[+6] u/pen15_club_admin: So Iran. Iran so far away
[+6] u/Noble_Bastard: LMAO. 🌽 ripping. Ber about to face another extinction event.
[+6] u/A10cc: # WE CAN'T BE COMFORTABLE WITH OIL BEING THIS HIGH, RIGHT GUYS?
[+6] u/Salvaterra991: NOW OPEN THE F*KING CASINO!!!
[+6] u/iGotStuckIn: #Reminder: Mods shove mangos up their asses as they “moderate” these comments
[+6] u/potato111a: I'm not a master option trader and have a 2 inch pp :\[
[+6] u/KehreAzerith: Holy Allah WTI Midland (oil futes) went up like a rocket
[+6] u/JugoShvili: Can we gap down like 5% in the morning so I can buy my boring index funds cheap before 🌮
[+6] u/Noble_Bastard: People posting their credit scores as a flex on here. This group has turned soft. The real OG's in here aren't even credit worthy.
[+6] u/Warm_Implement3088: What type of fucking idiot would short oil in the midst of all this
[+6] u/BrunoTMC: Eating a bigass salad with aragula, bell pepper, strawberries, feta, cherry tomatoes, sunflower seeds, and little bits of crispy fried onion. Dressing is a simple mix of olive oil, balsamic, and maple syrup.
[+6] u/Gom_KBull: # Surely, Iran will fold on this 15th ultimatum...
[+6] u/UnivalveX: probably gonna see another miraculous green by open recovery
[+5] u/kawkface: FUK U BUL
NO FUK U BER
[+5] u/Whatevs56: Bulls just have to pay the toll then can have tendies.
[+5] u/LectureNo1620: The same plan as ever pinky. The fetal position
[+5] u/shmito17: What’s BTC doing lol
[+5] u/_ThisDickAintFree_: Oh god. Bulls are gonna cope all summer, huh?
[+5] u/Fuzzy-Monk-7520: # US forces enter Iran by..? apr 30 plymarket odds 100%
we are talking about taco -
[+5] u/nullzeroerror: smoke ‘em if you got ‘em
[+5] u/EducationalCicada: No one's coming to rescue your port.
[+5] u/Beneficial-Sail-6139: orangie is spiraling
[+5] u/tastyfreeeze69: This shit really is a stage this dudes getting up twice a week to fluctuate billions of dollars in the markets
[+5] u/Montyprice7206: Hey Jesus if you’re real now is the moment to come back down to Earth 🤌
[+5] u/Bravadette: I mean, if Power Plant Day actually happens, and it's apparently a war crime, who tf is going to hold this dude accountable? Based on everything he's gotten away with, what's the worst he has to fear? Im genuinely ignorant and curious.
Something feels off.
[+5] u/Ancient_Let7878: If my banbet hits I’m buying more banana chips.
[+5] u/walrighti: Apparently, the Ayatollah is holding puts, bad news for bulls
[+5] u/Easy_Profession8992: Chances for tomorrow open are Equal. 50% green 50% red
[+5] u/tombrady011235: Girl I was on a date with last night was talking about sunning her butthole
[+5] u/Foooour: My port is full bear but idk why bers are riling up the bols after last week when they pumped the market on crumbs of positive news twice
[+5] u/tika_dengu: Gold and Silver dumping
[+5] u/ModeForJoe: You know what... go ahead and just close the casino ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[+5] u/Forward-Ad5608: so glad markets are back open. Now I don't have to constantly monitor the situation over 5 different news feeds, I can just watch the price to find out that my positions are fked
[+5] u/StocksStormTrooper: Happy Easter, My fellow Christians. May we all be blessed with bountiful returns!
[+5] u/NotRobotNFL: It’s like the weekend didn’t happen
[+5] u/PhysInstrumentalist: They denied it Saturday, just like the many other times they denied to negotiate, why are we still entertaining this?
[+5] u/NYGiants181: Remember when the strait WASN’T closed?
[+5] u/darkyagami420: Yes i love 4 lane wide roads and mcdonalds and taco bell on every corner without a tree in sight
[+5] u/Warm_Implement3088: Market won't crash at least till Tuesday ugh.
[+5] u/Fast-Steak-7730: bulls get happy when theres a V when its still red and bears are supposed to be regarded?
[+5] u/Warm_Implement3088: OPEN IT UP YOU CRAZY BASTARDS
[+5] u/Zeppu: # OPEN THE STRAIT, YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU CRAZY FUCKING I'LL SLIT YOUR FACE
[+5] u/winfortheboys: You know when I was younger I was envy of americans, now I just feel sorry for you
[+5] u/RichAdults: Netflix calls 100 is coming prob 106
[+5] u/3ebfan: Market is learning you can’t just taco irreversible damage to the global energy supply chain
[+5] u/1Oc2s52a12864s3sfa: After going on dates with woman who see casual dating as the norm, my MO to woman from now on is to love bomb the fuck out of them. If the sampling size is large enough, there's one bound to be obsessed with your validation like a drug and can't live without it. That's the the type of vulnerable damaged goods I want. You have leverage that they won't leave. And if they do? It's all within your control #damaged_ego
[+5] u/iiGoodVibesii: This is the market and it's all your fault.
You just cared so much about the location of Aleppo.
We would have legal pot, strong market and be a cool nation. But nooo. Allleepppoo
[+5] u/dylanx5150: Just filled up the gas tank. Can't wait to see how much money I just saved vs filling up on Wednesday.
[+5] u/No-Relationship8261: Ber is so fuk.
People that bought my shares as I transitioned into cash gang is eating well.
[+21] u/rajas_: "Open the fuckin' strait, you fucking bastards or you'll be living in hell" - This guy was demanding that he be given the Nobel Peace Prize.
[+20] u/NotMe357: "BREAKING: Iranian Embassy tweets “we’ve lost the keys” after TACO Truth Social post demanding they open the strait."
They're trolling TACO so much right now lol. TACO probably is gonna visit the hospital again very soon 😄 🤣
[+19] u/-medicalthrowaway-: Solution for peace: 24/7 market
Can’t announce bad news after hours if there are no after hours
[+16] u/codespyder: Had a new kid today.
More damaging to my finances than any 0DTE habit
[+15] u/Overall-Fold-9720: >Iran releases a new video showing for the first time Mojtaba Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Iran, on his way to the military operations room. A large image of the Dimona nuclear reactor site in Israel, including its coordinates, is displayed in the room.
LMFAO, have a good week guys
[+15] u/HeavyArmsJin: If the market can still be green tomorrow I guess someone can have all my money, they earn it
[+14] u/StonksInvesteur: $115+ oil. So good for the economy. We're fucking winning, boys
[+13] u/ScrewChaseBank: Fake internet money going up. Someone knows something.
[+13] u/Ahamadrayasbaboon: صباح الخير
OPEN THE FUCKING CASINO
من فصلك. حبيبي
[+12] u/Off_Duty_Machete: Open the casino, you crazy bastardz. Praise be to Allah 😤
[+12] u/Spiritual_Taste_1253: This is actually the easiest time to make money.
Just buy a position that expires at the end of the week and sell when it’s your turn to be in the money.
[+12] u/brondoplantscraveit: You guys always think there’s some shadow force “propping up SPY,” but just talk to the average boomer. They wouldn’t sell a share if Jesus himself told them too. 90% of stock holders have no exit strategy.
[+12] u/Threebridges2: Oooooh fuck yeah daddy bull fuck me
[+12] u/trumpdiego: ##"Open the fuckin Strait" I whisper to my wife as I snuggle up beside her
[+11] u/LongCucumber3710: I’m so confused. All the news over the weekend was bullish
[+11] u/Get_dat_money: Hmmm corn vs futes.
Something's gay here
[+11] u/Independent-Craft-46: Sunday premarket is like pulling up to the casino
[+11] u/Disc0Disc0Disc0: Trump says Iran wants to make a deal: +3%
Trump says hes going to wipe out Iran: -.3%
[+10] u/Scalpaholic: If tomorrow's truly red, I'm talking something near 4%.
That's not the war, but the Smart Money figuring out what's going to fail/break from panicked gossip at the weekend Easter Country Club Luouh.
It would be caused by the (once again) lack of imagination that the cost of energy would never increase and leverage everything to the heavens on someone else's money.
But they'll still be well out of the steamroller's way before the little guy even knows what hit them.
[+10] u/Popular_Song3371: There is no safe haven from these lunatics fucking us over tbh
[+10] u/zzzzzz808: Open the Fuckin’ Casino, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.
[+10] u/Mammoth-Librarian580: lol y’all oil bulls gonna enjoy a big red dildo very soon
[+9] u/GuiltyShirt3771: Too bullish here. Be careful
[+9] u/MixFit5225: Pump and dump incoming for shitcoin
[+9] u/Wide_Neighborhood_49: Congrats to all put holders
[+9] u/YNeverWAlone: Just shaved the inside of my belly button if any ladies are interested.
[+9] u/ClueLessWits: Someone knows something because crypto just had a nice jump in the last few hours.... bers also stopped their trash talk.
What's going on?
[+9] u/ChampionshipOdd947: Trump would have won it if it was the Nobel Piece of Shit Prize.
Maybe that's what he thought it was and that's why he's confused that he didn't win.
[+9] u/trainwreck001: TUESDAY 8PM - STRAIT OF HORMUZ= TACO TUESDAY. BE THERE.
LOL
[+9] u/bearhunter429: #All I want is for my stocks to pump and other people's stocks to dump LMAO🤌
[+9] u/trainwreck001: MONGO SAID ALLAH AKBAR... FUTURES RALLY.
LOL.
[+8] u/trumpdiego: ##Happy Easter you crazy fucking bastards
[+8] u/Actual_Stranger_1766: does anyone else miss when the DOW was above 50,000 dollars? 😔
[+8] u/SuperNewk: Corn was the chosen one all along
[+8] u/avdvetf: why don't they just pour the oil into the strait and let it float out naturally, collect it on the other side
use the strait to our advantage
[+8] u/ClueLessWits: WW3? Believe it or not, calls
[+8] u/TinyDelegation: FELLAS I am scared shitless. i wanna buy puts but you gotta watch out for big don's green beam of destruction. then when you buy calls, he pulls the plug.
[+8] u/-medicalthrowaway-: TACO tuesday and Manipulation monday are too predictable… I think we’re about to see something brand new…
[+8] u/HeavyArmsJin: I can't believe the price of EGGS is rising
Really disappointed that it's not an actual egg company though
[+8] u/Internal_Field5970: I’m at my in laws and I got a massive toilet breaker brewing and not sure how to handle it
[+8] u/FinePerformance1046: Wtf is bitcoin doing 😂
[+7] u/NotMe357: Fuck! Bitcoin is pumping!!
[+7] u/Initial_Ad_9250: I know for a fact some jackass has fullported into Iranian currency and will be rich beyond imagination when the war ends
[+7] u/Threebridges2: God most of you are so unironically regarded, it’s hilarious.
[+7] u/WarmCan3034: As a gay bear, I’m mad watching other bears talk because they’re so retarded 😡😡😡😡
[+7] u/Overall-Fold-9720: Monday/Tuesday pump, nothing new under the sun
[+7] u/NotMe357: "BREAKING: Jim Cramer tweets "why are the futures not down more?"
---- Jim Cramer
"So why are the futures not down more? I think it is because there is a hopefulness that is dissipated by 4:00 a.m."
[+7] u/Due-Information-6277: Donnie crying wolf again.
[+7] u/WonUpH: Happy with all the oil gains, But.
[+7] u/samwehl: Unexpected gap up coming. Pikachu face bears also coming. I will also be coming
[+7] u/Bcider: $115 oil. That’s good right?
[+7] u/plzplzplztendies: White people taco night.
[+7] u/Commercial-District1: Hope all you crazy bastards had a nice Easter
[+7] u/looool_k_libtard: Can’t wait for 8 pm to suddenly be down 3%
[+7] u/kemar7856: Open the fucking strait bastards
[+6] u/Paul_Robert_: Joe: infrastructure week! 👷
🥭: infrastructure week! 💣
[+6] u/avdvetf: ngl the new iran video goes hard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glT4UnhJW_s
[+6] u/cashflow_: I do this thing where I jog really slow. Like walkers passing me. I cant do anything normal 🙄
[+6] u/Educational_Bag_1923: When does Hormuz open?
[+6] u/Treverer: It’s a THEOcracy you fucking 🥭 muppet. Did you really have to insult the one thing that they literally built their whole republic on and for?
Tomorrow green inshallah
[+6] u/Top-Acadia-1936: Is there a stock beaten down in the last 30-45 days as MSFT? Let’s start pumping it. See if wall
Street algos/AI keep selling it. MSFT CALLS MSFT CALLS
[+6] u/Bilbo_Butthole: Remember, Bers here bought puts post liberation week
[+6] u/sweenygg: Hope 🌽 back to ghey zone in 🌈 chart
[+6] u/Overall-Fold-9720: Boots on the ground before April 30 reached 100% on polymarket LMAO
[+6] u/Strong_Coffee_9999: Because boots were on the ground as part of the rescue op this weekend
[+6] u/poorat8686: Estate sales are free Alpha. So is Facebook Marketplace. Free’est alpha in all the land.
[+6] u/ThinkingOfTheOldDays: Extremely good 4 part series on the context and history of the Iranian revolution.
"YouTube, The Rest is History, Iranian Revolution" if you don't want to click the ugly link
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEbAHi3fZpuEaTMSBryD1hEgEbXWn-yO4&si=UpFhvNS5e-8ThdbZ
[+6] u/poorat8686: Guys, we have more power than you know, if we collectively stopped losing money all at once the market makers wouldn’t have any profit and would have to listen to our demands. We could demand a green dildo.
[+6] u/aaapod: praise allah i guess
[+6] u/Loose_Stool_12: Exactly 0 reason for the market to not dump when overnight hours opens in minutes.
So you know it's 💯% going to moon 🚀
[+6] u/astrawberryandakiwi: Btc poomping. Someone knows something. My poots are going to print. I love being a burrr
[+6] u/Itchy_Election_5327: ...we're gonna open slightly red, and pump to +2% when mango sucks the pilots dih on TV rite?
[+6] u/New_Competition_410: Have you even thanked allah today
[+5] u/claytondpark: Green by open and I don't mean asian mkt green
[+5] u/old-cow666: They tricked bol into more calls over this past week an now ber will eat steak at Ruth Chris at open
[+5] u/Alone_Mobile_4974: I mean, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on someone's couch, like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that..
[+5] u/RareGuarantee3532: 35K working, -25K trading
[+5] u/GideonWainright: At least the price of eggs isn't crazy high this easter.
I had some scrambled eggs this morning and it tasted like winning.
[+5] u/Remarkable_Owl: There is a tension, in the air. Do you feel it? I know I do: I feel it down in my plumbs.
[+5] u/Paul_Robert_: Remember folks, when in doubt, bullish 🔥
[+5] u/TI-99A: The debunked downed pilot cover story should have filtered down to the market by open… oil higher, stocks lower. Staying cash.
[+5] u/UnicornMilking: The US had to intentionally blow up 2 Lockheed Martin C-130Js at a rough cost estimate of $300-400M lmao taxes
[+5] u/These-Shoulder8017: Allah to buy all the stocks tomorrow.
[+5] u/PretendAgency2702: When my sons get sick: you stupid fucks why did you bring in the sickness from school?
When my daughter gets sick: my poor princess, what can I get you to help? Youre so brave and strong unlike your dumb brothers
[+5] u/Jacobpapi: The cliff just opened guys, start jumping
[+5] u/Brilliant_Object_847: The party of participation trophies
[+28] u/Mark_Underscore: Calls on the 25th Amendment.
[+24] u/smellyfingernail: What’s stopping Iran from buying 0DTE spy calls, announcing “we surrender the strait is open”, then selling, then buying 0DTE puts, then announcing “never mind we will never surrender the strait is closed”
[+21] u/ThermalChaser: Boots on the ground? Nah, planes on the ground.
[+19] u/vermilli21: This 🤡 market doesn’t make any fucking sense
[+17] u/Nice-Difference8641: You guys do realize if stocks aren’t red it’s going to embolden trump to NOT taco right?
[+16] u/ThetaFarmingRegard: just turned $10k into $100
[+16] u/youngmacho: im a bul and holding calls and even i think this fute action is regarded
[+15] u/Prestigious_Suit_202: there is manipulation happening at this very moment
[+14] u/tameimpala25: NUCLEAR WAR IS BULLISH ACTUALLY
[+14] u/Chlo-Motion: Teddy Roosevelt: "Speak softly and carry a big stick."
🥭: "*Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards!!"*
[+13] u/shinigami_2245: Did the U.S. military try buying the strait some flowers and just listening to it for once?
[+13] u/foamboardsbeerme: bro the potus really escalated the oil wars and praised allah on easter aaaaaaand futes are green LOL
stocks only go up regards
[+13] u/sami_regard: This shit is so fucking retard. I hate it.
[+12] u/tameimpala25: The president of the US threatening to blow a country back to the stone ages within the next 48 hours is bullish now
[+12] u/GreedyCommie: How the fuck is market turning green, pure fucking manipulation. My poor puts.
[+11] u/Impressive-Mud-3362: Am starting to think, may be this mango guy isn't all that bright
[+11] u/Fancy_Cattle_5914: Bought Micron at $400, shit plunged 20% in like 3 days, sold at $319 on Wednesday. Ask me anything.
[+11] u/GeneratedMonkey: We might be up Monday but I can feel a big red day this week
[+11] u/Mycologist-Active: I genuinely believe now stocks will go up for the rest of time. No more red days. Ever. Nuclear war. Nvidia 50 trillion
[+11] u/SmokingOnions: Jesus help my spy puts if you’re real
[+11] u/trent_upscale: Boots in Ber asshole
[+11] u/pm_me_yo_creditscore: Full send it to a market maker.
[+10] u/Weak_Emu3659: Hey bros just wanted to let you know I stopped doom scrolling al jazeera starting tuesday last week and I've lost 5 pounds, got a raise at work and woke up full of energy each morning since then.
[+10] u/Cash_Paid_Daily: Yeah, it doesnt even matter if the market is red or green right now...a long way to open...And markets are volatile so if it opens red it may go green at some point and vice versa...basically you guys are just gambling, lol
[+10] u/Canadianinvestor1997: Just checked Futes. How tf are we green Jesus
[+10] u/slothropdroptop: 🥭praising allah is a bullish signal—he’s compromising
[+10] u/softboiledjadepotato: Well rested after 3 day weekend, and ready to stare at squiggly lines while having no idea what to do
[+10] u/SuffiecientSapian: Talked to my boomer grandpa today about mango man which of course he said that “post” was all part of the plan to mock Iran ☠️☠️
Sad such an actual smart man is so brainwashed
[+10] u/buyatollah_kuminamy: Weekend pump monday dump its the fart of the deal
[+10] u/nesnayu: Asia must not speak engrish and didn’t read tweet
[+10] u/gainsusmaximus: blowing up data centers is bullish right, gotta replace them now
[+10] u/Cheeseheroplopcake: I wonder what head fake bullshit leak will be next that gets pumped and dumped for a quick few hundred million? Fucking wild that an international crisis is being swing traded by the antagonist. I'm kind of in awe.
[+9] u/Yousoldmetohigh: Basically the greenest red I've ever seen.
[+9] u/Fernyfern7: Green by open red by eod
[+9] u/Mettn: Is everything just priced in at this point or what??
[+9] u/L2F_mens_glutes: #MORE LAY OFFS ARE COMING IF U IN TECH U ARE FOOKED
[+9] u/BreadfruitOk6788: Freak the fuck out and panic sell it’s fucking over
[+9] u/h4bs22: Bro wsb bers and retail is loaded on puts. We are gonna pump
[+9] u/Frosty_Promise8050: It's a good thing we killed that 80 year old man!
[+9] u/WallStreetBetsCALLSS: Green by open
Open by green
Bers are cucks
Bulls r chads
[+9] u/antpharms: Clankers turning some of yall into bots.
[+9] u/jerm2z: You must mean RDDT bagholders
[+8] u/Nomynametoday: it doesn’t matter, it will go up
[+8] u/regardbullbuyer: Overly bullish in here, gonna probably get rid of my long term calls, and full port into 0DTE SPY puts.
[+8] u/jjlee27: iran blows up Open AI stargate, they have to rebuy Nvidia chips. Nvda calls🚀
[+8] u/Blacksin01: Ukraine has been on a hell path lately.
If you haven’t been paying attention to that conflict, the damage Ukraine has been able to do to Russian petroleum exports has been immense. This is could be partly why oil prices are staying elevated relevant to the stock market.
The only ports Russia has that are safe are in the Arctic and pacific coast. Last I read, that’s another 4-6 million barrels that are shutting down (but might need to double check that number).
[+8] u/StopAndThinkPleaseTy: The algorithms won't let it dump until those with massive wealth are adequately positioned.
[+8] u/ArchegosCapitalCEO: OPEN THE FUCKING STRAIT YOU CRAZY BASTARDS
[+8] u/andsto2: I’ve never seen reddit so bearish so I guarantee this will be a green week
[+8] u/Bright-Revolution496: It’s gonna go on forever guys, and the market isn’t going to crash, either.
[+8] u/voidedhip: Why the fuck isn’t futes down more
[+8] u/Quarter-Normal: Oil and SPY both up, funny
[+8] u/Traditional_Honey108: The president said fuck, that will calm the situation
[+7] u/vanceraa: can’t complain about being green but this shit is so dumb wake me up when fundamentals matter again
[+7] u/lobsterspider: Tomorrow is massive
Sabrina carpenter house tour music video comes out
[+7] u/TonyMontanaIsNice: "Open the fuckin Strait" I whisper to my wife as I snuggle up beside her
[+7] u/RonBlake: Grade school, social studies class, 2354 AD:
“Today we study the Weekly Deadline Extension—once a warning to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, now a sacred, unexplained ritual. Historians believe it began as a joke before becoming the largely ceremonial gesture we are used to today”
[+7] u/NOT_A_OFFICER: How are people still fat with McDonalds costing like 70 bucks for 4 people to eat?
[+7] u/Beagle001: I’m going to surf tomorrow. Sit out the day. I’ll watch the open and fomo but F this.
[+7] u/WrexyWrex: the internet has cancer
[+7] u/NiceJobSon: “Close the fuckin door!” “Open the fuckin strait!” I’ma bout tell my gf to fix me some fuckin dinner, wish me luck..
[+7] u/iFiredIce: Welcome back to the (pre) casino boys
[+7] u/MagJack: lets hope all these puts i wrote can expire worthless
[+7] u/sck178: Equities market is completely divorced from reality 🤌
[+7] u/Mycologist-Active: Reddit 💎🙌 Warren buffet 🫵🤡
[+6] u/SuspiciousStable9649: Scoreboard is throwing unknown error. Red tomorrow.
[+6] u/SomePolack: The minute you capitulate on buying puts is when the next leg down happens
Sorry I don’t make the rules my puts are expiring worthless tomorrow
[+6] u/General-Giraffe9092: The market will be green, inshallah. Thank you Ayotollah Trump
[+6] u/tomato232: Any RDDT investors here? When do you think the next pump will be?
[+6] u/SmootherDoge: How long can bols keep up with 110+ oil
[+6] u/No_Relief_8705: Watching futures is like playing with your asshole.
Feels good, but it's dirty.
[+6] u/DisaffectedLShaw: Designated Survivor Reboot
[+6] u/Weak_Emu3659: People on here posting about Iran and oil like it's March 2026. Bunch of obese losers.
[+6] u/gomper: A *FAILED* casino boss
[+6] u/GeneratedMonkey: We had two great days last week. I don't see this lasting after oil hits 140 and this war keeps going on
[+6] u/ideletedmyaccount04: I am so grateful the market is open tomorrow.
The endorphin withdrawal is real.
TSLA is more fun to bet on that any sport or kalashi or crypto
[+6] u/lobsterspider: Doesn’t matter if we moon or dump I will lose money either way
[+6] u/Avocadonot: Hopefully it rips green tomorrow for a good entry for puts
[+6] u/Reply_Stunning: close your fucking longs you crazy bastards !!! or you'll lose your savings
[+6] u/Johnny_Menace: Hey bears! Use this link to find your nearest soup kitchen 🫶🏼
https://www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-local-foodbank
[+6] u/College_finals: WAR IS BULLISH BABY! CALLS ALL THE WAY!
[+6] u/OkAlternative7705: Told yall we will go green. You guys are playing with most manuplated markets of all time, and you expected that they will let puts print after most of the retail got them? We can have nuclear on table and half of the country wiped out and this won't go red. some of yall really need to learn this game.
[+6] u/kayvonte: when in doubt...bers r fooked
[+5] u/SPY_0DTE: fakeout before we makeout
[+5] u/Pale-Silver-8178: Not bad buttcorn not bad
[+5] u/TestingLifeThrow1z: Someone give me the best war movies recs to watch to contain my awe. Behind enemy lines is 1st on my list. What else??
[+5] u/suture-self: It's almost as though a casino boss is running the country.
[+5] u/Unique_Zucchini1041: Oil is fucking ripping
[+5] u/DCrebuilds: Another green Monday because 🥭 didn't put boots on the ground or nuke anything
[+5] u/RjBloxks: Happy Easter and praise be to allah lol
[+5] u/No-Put2311: atp if a nuke drops in Tehran it might go +10% cause war is over
[+5] u/Exotic-Narwhal-6686: might be smart move since everything else is bleeding out anyway, at least space has some upside potential left
[+5] u/Ok_Rent5670: Fullscale bearshit post
[+5] u/AcademicStandard3701: Power plant day = liberation day you have been warned 📉📉
[+5] u/glutathionegod: Of course 🥭 set the ultimatum deadline for 🌮-Tuesday
[+5] u/Revolutionary-Owl-79: So $ up, 🌽up and oil up. Is USA actually winning?
[+5] u/SPY_0DTE: Any sub 80 IQ market oracles in here? I don't think I have what it takes to truly compete in this market anymore
[+5] u/2000_Defender_90_PNW: Allah gonna rain down 72 delicious FD’s
[+5] u/Available_Cake_8572: Strange that 🌽 is up big while futures are down hmmm 🤔
[+5] u/TwoNine13: We open red I’m dropping a stack
[+19] u/npdaly: I miss Anthony Bourdain. Every travel show since his passing is just mid. Praise Allah.
[+18] u/a_human_21: We are in this shit because Joe Rogan podcast
[+15] u/Capable_Rate5460: Shes a 10 but she cant captain a ship down the straight of Whoremouz
[+14] u/pussinbuuts: 24 HOURS
5 MORE DAYS
NO 10 MORE DAYS
ONE MORE DAY
DONT MAKE ME DO IT ILL DO IT
[+14] u/Bulgy_Moose_ST: Once all the bears give up and flip to being bullish that’s when the market will tank.
[+13] u/WombatShwambat: “Markets up as Middle East tensions ease as 🥭 gives praise to Allah in a sign of de-escalation”- headlines tomorrow probably
[+12] u/0xBorisjohnson: SPY overnight turned green
HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH ITTTTTT
[+10] u/shitmybritchez: Remember to thank Allah tonight as you rest your head on your pillow
[+10] u/jayxmor: 🔴 ⚠️ BREAKING: Iran mediators make final effort for 45-day ceasefire - Axios
LMAO
[+10] u/glazedds: insiders loading up before taco
[+9] u/Conscious_Bit_3656: # "Japan, South Korea stocks open higher"
We are basically in a range or holding pattern until something changes. Most people think this is going to be over in a couple of weeks so they don't want to sell and miss the ride up when its over.
On the other hand no one wants to buy right now with all this uncertainly...so where does that leave us? Stocks just ping ponging and very range bound until something else big happen in the war...either a serious escalation or an agreement. At least this is how i'm reading thing and pretty much doing the same thing myself.
Tomorrow feel like one of those days where it could be down 400 points, then up 500 points, then maybe down 400 points again...im expecting a lot of volatility until there is an agreement or the fighting stop.
Just my thoughts
[+9] u/TFTisbetterthanLoL: Why tf is oil going down???
[+9] u/TJMBeav: Based on all the comments...flat futures makes complete sense actually
[+9] u/Hellmale: Just got $35k SOFI loan to by SOFI calls targeting earnings this month
[+9] u/Aware-Teacher5389: Power plant day sounds like a field trip you’d go on in 3rd grade.
[+9] u/MilesDelta: https://preview.redd.it/5bt3cxhx5htg1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3026bc1983c540b2284d62c97d6c33a2e297b97
"Praise be to Allah" - Agent Orange before he pulls the nuclear pin from a grenade
[+9] u/frogboyjr: stop looking at short term oil futes and look at longer dated contracts if you actually want to understand what is going on
[+9] u/milodino12: If you’re bullish I’ve got an Iranian bridge to sell you
[+9] u/Optimal-Midnight4295: I’m convinced this could go on for years and every Sunday 🥭will say we’re close to a deal. This is getting beyond regarded
[+9] u/RollofDuctTape: Every time he talks he sounds like a fucking idiot. People have ignored it for like a decade. That’s everybody too. No matter how you feel about him you know he sounds like a fucking idiot.
Someone just needs to be like, “sir, you sound like a fucking idiot.” And I promise we’ll pump.
[+9] u/Sweaty-Sherbet-6926: Babe wake up, a new fake 45‑day Iran ceasefire tweet just dropped
[+9] u/ConstantSpace5809: WW3 is bullish apparently
[+9] u/KevinWarshNudes: If google pops im retarded and rich
[+9] u/OhBenjaminFranklin: WSBers when they win: I'm a genius!
WSBers when they lose: The market is manipulated!!!
[+9] u/AggieDem: Channeled the spirit of Julia Child and knocked Easter dinner out of the park.
Ribeye roast, cognac mushrooms in pastry, mashed potatoes, and green-been casserole.
How the fuck am I still single?
*Looks in mirror*
Oh, right.
[+9] u/bluen: They filming Dune 3 in Iran rn
[+8] u/brucekeller: Can't wait for Power Bridge Plant Day. That's basically him announcing factories for mechs right? Mechs that turn into bridges and shit?
[+8] u/Snowman33001: Once oil starts to dump, it’s gonna DUMP
[+8] u/rhuffq: And this is the guy that can authorize nuclear strikes. Puts on existence.
[+8] u/CartographerFlashy28: Who in their right fukin mind is buying right now lol market manipulation to it’s finest
[+8] u/TippyTippyTippyTop: Bad day to be a bridge in tehran
[+8] u/Available_Way_355: I would rather be sleeping under a bridge in Tehran than holding calls right now
[+8] u/thenelston: green open, you win again bulls
[+8] u/WantonCateran: For a strait, it's pretty fking crooked and ghey
[+8] u/WhatAreYouSaying05: Straight green tomorrow. The market has lost its mind. They'll be expecting orange to back down again.
[+8] u/lysergalien: Did you forget to say thank you to Allah?
[+7] u/TickTockTaudit: If you hold cash, you only lose 2-5% per year to inflation. This is **SIGNIFICANTLY** better than WSB returns. Also, this strategy requires zero time, zero work.
[+7] u/IllustriousTear1315: Down 10% tomorrow right?
[+7] u/throwaway_tendies: Wild that futures are moving up while crude is sitting at $112, what even is this?!?
[+7] u/Blueberry_Magic: Sad bers, that’s what you get traitors
[+7] u/KyleNoThumbs319: Anyone remember when you could buy two cheesy Gordita crunches, a TACO, and a large drink for $5.99 ?
[+7] u/Able_Durian_1832: Best way to respond to Trump is not to respond. And Iran knows it very well.
[+7] u/ToonamiNights: Moving into the wilderness of Missouri. Pitching a tent and becoming a Buddhist. Becoming one with the singularity.
[+7] u/killainvest: The sex is good but the marriage kinda killed the vibe….we should have just stayed cousins…..oh um calls
[+7] u/jpric155: Futes don't give a f apparently
[+7] u/Fineous40: Dead flat. Just like we all new.
[+7] u/Ok-Analysis4121: Market is going to be flat until 8:01 Tuesday evening
[+7] u/rampagepete: The market is not even half way into the correction that is coming
[+6] u/emperor_dinglenads: Celieve it or not, Balls.
[+6] u/concerndative: TQQQ puts ftw, the foundation of the market is compromised
[+6] u/TheRealArmament: If markets were rational everyone would be rich
[+6] u/All_FIREdUp: Met the most beautiful girl I have ever literally met but it was at my family reunion this past weekend. 😩
[+6] u/Unemployable1593: watching the Poop Cruise documentary
[+6] u/TequilaTrader: My wife and 2 kids want new iPhones 17 pros and apple ultra 3 watches. It’s just over $6k for everything. Seems reasonable.
[+5] u/WallofNarwhal: I pee sitting down, and I’m damn proud of it.
[+5] u/Slightlybadpicks: My portfolio has literally had no displacement in the last six months. Went up massively, now down to the same point where I started 🤬🤬 six months wasted
[+5] u/New-Leader-7891: Operation epic rally before the furious crash
[+5] u/Technical-Emu-32: Pathetic. Can't futures just future the inevitable future taco that is already written in our future. Green by open pls n thx
[+17] u/sadguy__: War is not ending any soon keep on being delusional
[+17] u/Every_Recover_1766: ARE WE READY FOR MANIPULATION MONDAY 🗣️
[+15] u/apurimac777: Just think
Its not even Monday morning yet
We still have a whole week of this bullshit to look forward to
🤣🤣🤣
[+15] u/holymolyratio: baffling to me that 🥭 makes a post like that and people aren’t appalled
[+14] u/holymolyratio: so far for the efficient market. it’s just been a pump and dump since 🥭 got into office. this is disgusting
[+14] u/Icy-Motor-8519: You know after all the corruption and manipulation from media. The only news outlet I trust now is AL JAZEERA. Ain’t that some shit
[+13] u/xXFoxyGrandpaXx: Axios also mentions that the chances of an actual deal are “slim”
I’m staying away
[+13] u/MasterElite1: >AXIOS REPORTS IRAN HAS NOT ACCEPTED SEVERAL PROPOSALS FROM THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION
No deal.
[+12] u/nthnreallymatters: One of the biggest wars in recent years with significant disruption to almost all global supply chains, inflation, commodities etc
Spy down less than -5% ytd lol
Markets are done and over, you're just playing a fake game at this point
[+11] u/CDov: Spy red at nights, they will take flight. Green at night, bers delight
[+11] u/andymoney17: They made the mistake of releasing the fake ceasefire news way too early lol
[+10] u/barkwoofgrrr: Ceasefire bs again at the same time for like the 4th week in a row
[+10] u/Sea_Condition_6999: What are you guys doing for bridge and power plant day?
[+10] u/xpxf69: Glory be to Allah. May He strike down with righteous fury every single Reddit mod.
[+10] u/DragsterMC: Ahh yes, the classic 🥭threat over the weekend and then “ceasefire talk” news before market open which Iran denies a few hours later…
Anyone want to guess next weekend’s threat? We going with nukes?
[+10] u/Amazing-Topic2827: I remember being a youth learning about communist governments controlling the news their citizens got. Here I yam 50 years later getting my news from WSB because the tele isn’t being honest.
[+9] u/BillyShears2015: Awwww bulls were so much fun for the hour they thought they were gonna make money tomorrow
[+9] u/Icy-Leave-9111: Oil pumping like it’s 2008, market acting like it’s 2021 stimulus season
[+9] u/Vulthen1: Can't handle another "will they, won't they", this final deadline has to be it, or else I drop an F bomb on social media
[+9] u/egauifan: Wish I could be a reporter too. Just recycle old headlines and act like its new.
[+8] u/Awake_Beast616: This same Axios article with the lie about a 45 day ceasefire also says that these same mediators are telling Iran that no further talks will occur after the 48 hour deadline
Iran has repeatedly said they refuse to concede to the USA and their price for reopening Hormuz is full reparations for the war
And somehow markets actually believe that there's going to be a temporary ceasefire. Iran knows very well that a temporary ceasefire will be immediately violated by Israel the very moment they're able to restock their interceptor missiles
[+8] u/horseisahorse: [https://x.com/BarakRavid/status/2040975108823449909](https://x.com/BarakRavid/status/2040975108823449909) lol, look at the replies
[+8] u/egauifan: I'm mostly long stocks but I just can't believe some no name news reporting agencies can influence the markets through headlines now.
[+8] u/Sea_Trip_8941: J Powell has 40 days left as fed chair. Do with that info what you will
[+8] u/moazzam0: Everything axios reports turns out to be bullshit. I wonder why.
[+8] u/100xOrBust: Eggs up .14%. Solid day for eggs.
[+8] u/ContributionMore5502: The 9am dump will be magnificent. Praise allah
[+8] u/Sad-Bandicoot29: bears need to be gay and hold the line. This bitch is going down lower soon
[+8] u/dataCollector42069: taking profits and going cash tomorrow. What a circus this presidency is
[+8] u/OptionGamble: Scooby doo ass market
[+8] u/quyensanity: Market is pump from unverified news.
[+7] u/pickleback11: Definitely not what's gonna happen this time. Anyone thinking that and investing that way is gonna get wrecked
[+7] u/sdubftw: Remember what the Iranian bro said on X.
“Heads-up: Pre-market so-called “news” or “Truth” is often just a setup for profit-taking. Basically, it’s a reverse indicator.
Do the opposite: If they pump it, short it. If they dump it, go long.”
So far it’s worked out pretty well.
[+7] u/Distinct_Chard3048: Im still cash gang
[+7] u/redpillsbluepills: I hate my banking job and am dreading tomorrow (repeat anxious cycle every Sunday night)
[+7] u/idontknow1967: Shit is going to be so boring tomorrow. I just know it
[+6] u/manateaser: I guarantee Kamala wouldn’t have us in this mess.
This is the globally failed far right ideology and we all have to eat the shit sandwich
[+6] u/MakeOSUGreatAgain63: Bro they’re finding reports that there was 1% odds 🥭 would praise Allah on Easter
Some wallet bet BIG money and walked away filthy rich
…..it’s his kids. It’s his kids everytime.
Idc what you think politically.. insider trading like this is fucking disgusting. The whole family should be locked up.
I get shafted by my options every fuckin day and these guys print $50M+ every week. Tf
[+6] u/EdgeLordMcGravy: Green premarket? It’s gonna dump hard af
[+6] u/AdjustDeezNutz: I looked away for 5 mins and futes went to shit
[+6] u/Ninja_Cooter: Cramer holding the market up by being a doomer boomer
[+6] u/MaxVerstudpen: Pretty safe to declare bull victory tomorrow already
[+6] u/genjky: Filled up my tank for $65 knowing this will be the lowest price in 2 months
[+6] u/Amazing-Topic2827: Btc pumping at 6 on the dot when it trades 247 seems attention seeking. Someone is dedicating their life to keeping it above 65k.
[+6] u/Leibnizinventedittoo: i dont know anything about anything
[+6] u/iBoughtAtTheBottom: This shit don’t make no cocksuckin sense guys. War or no war? Spy +0.01% on Futes. 🥭 tweeting war threats then a couple hours later saying negotiations are going great 🤙 every single news outlet telling a completely different story. I HATE IT HERE 😂
[+6] u/maximuminimum: Futures are recovering because there are rumors of Iran letting through oil container ships that are halal in nature
[+6] u/Commercial_Seat_3704: My MSFT calls are cooked
[+6] u/madhewprague: War in Iran will cause such a economic colapse that not a single company will be making any profit. Dozens milions lay offs. If strait is not opened and invasion happens within this month i fully expect SPY to crash below 300$. Spy can fall 90% by the end of this year. Imagine spy below 100, that would be very much likely if fullscale war in Iran were to happen.
[+6] u/Positive-Memory142: When’s the made up ceasefire deals hit? 8am? Earlier?
[+6] u/TastyChen: did you say thank you to allah even once?
[+5] u/b_fellow: SPY being down about $1 is kind of hilarious.
[+5] u/Money-Will-1867: After I sold all my calls last Monday everyday is green since then WTF
[+5] u/tidjou: Wow what a wonderful comment section this is. I walked in and I said wow what a wonderful comment section.
[+5] u/Icy-Motor-8519: If you got puts, premarket being green is better because anytime its red the dip gets gobbled up like a dih after your mom does 6 tequila shots.
[+5] u/diunay_lomay_a: We drilling bers eating good tomorrow
[+5] u/RemarkableOrchid2542: Down 3% in the AM, then up 5% between 1-2:30, then flat.
[+21] u/Hairy-Literature8672: Booked a flight to Iran. Will let you guys know tomorrow if this is real or just fake news to manipulate oil prices.
[+21] u/Vort3x7689: Hegseth trying to buy defense stocks and not oil right before the war shows how regarded these people are and that they had no idea that any of this was going to happen
[+20] u/Cutalana: > The U.S., Iran and a group of regional mediators are discussing the terms for a potential 45-day ceasefire that could lead to a permanent end to the war, according to four U.S., Israeli and regional sources with knowledge of the talks.
Crazy how journalist can't get one Iranian source and just rely on the same group of people who pinky promised the war would last days.
edit: apparently the "journalist" wrote a book about 🥭 bringing peace to the middle east lmao, cant wait till the markets open green due to this propaganda
[+20] u/Comfortable733: THE STOCK MARKET HAS 48 HOURS TO BRING MY CALLS BACK FROM -99% OR THERE WILL BE ANOTHER DEADLINE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
[+19] u/SeaweedLeft9746: When you really think about it, religious people are dumb as fuck 🤔
[+16] u/slimeystevebob: Short term pain for long term global economic depression like no one's seen before
[+14] u/Airhostnyc: Bulls and bers arguing while not making money lmao
[+13] u/Single-Adeptness-769: These dumb mother fuckers are really going to buy this fake headline of a peace deal again and pump the market aren’t they
[+13] u/Horcsogg: OPEN THE FUCKING STRAIT lol they really never considered that closing the strait is something Iran can do and will fuck the economy hard hurting the world where they can the most.
[+13] u/SugarPhoenix: Does no one else find it bizarre that the market was at like 560 before tariffs, then the tariffs happen and it falls to 500. Literally nothing ever happens with clarity around tariffs, they mostly stick, and the market just…forget? Then not only rallies to 550, but goes beyond that and rallies 10 months straight to 700.
And….virtually no one said anything or seemed alarmed. How the fuck does that make sense to you guys? And now less than a year later it’s like pulling teeth to barely get to 650 which is 100 points over what was the high the market sold off from less than a year ago.
[+12] u/arbitraryBlue: Fellas, I'm starting to think 🥭 isn't holding the cards
[+12] u/way2lazy4u: Pelosi says her udders are real and they’re spectacular.
[+11] u/Pete26l96: #BEARS TOMORROW: "THIS MARKET MAKES NO SENSE" LOL
[+11] u/weewoowewoooo: Of course we’re flat after a 3 day weekend and oil hitting $140. Lmfao what a load of bullshit
[+11] u/Waste-Head7963: After being on WSB for so many years, I’ve come to the conclusion that none of yall know shit.
[+10] u/Waiting4Reccession: War ends when they send baron in a burka to marry the new ayatollah
[+10] u/Odd_Pitch21: Bunch of gays in here
[+10] u/VariationConstant675: Futes red..🚨🚨..but not red enough...
[+10] u/Beelzebussin: I hate this place !banbet SPY 620 5d
[+10] u/SugarPhoenix: SPY is higher now than it was 17 days ago. Less than 5% off ATH.
The VIX is the lowest level it’s been since the War began.
Strangely (to me) there are virtually zero comments mentioning JPOW putting a bottom in the market and taking rate hikes off the table.
The effects of oil going to 100 is greatly nerfed when we’re told rates aren’t going up no matter what.
With this being said, I maintain my buy orders of SPX futures at 5999. Ask yourself, have we seen the last time the market will ever be in the 5000s?
[+10] u/oouncolaoo: In the future, most stock trades will take place digitally, from a computer. Paper orders will be nearly extinct.
It may sound like science fiction, but it is closer than you think.
[+10] u/Waste-Head7963: [ Removed by moderator ]
[+10] u/Hot-Ambassador8740: So the market was trading sideways since October. In March we get a fucking war and drop 5%. wtf?
[+10] u/Cutalana: bros the ceasefire is going to happen, rage tweeting multiple threats is just a normal part of negotiations
[+10] u/Scar1203: Are they publicly traded?
[+9] u/modder9: THEY FELL FOR IT AGAIN LMAO
[+9] u/vsmand1: The best thing that 🥭 can do is STFU and play golf for the next two years. But we all know he can’t stop himself from ruining everything.
[+9] u/Noddite: And shockingly it would seem they currently hold the moral high ground in the conflict.
[+9] u/w33dw1zard420: The market is waiting for one of you turdbrains to go long before it can dump, can you hurry up please?
[+8] u/x2eliah: We had a few years of sleepy J, now we'll get a few years of tantrum T.
Bottom line, americans, please for godssakes just set an age limit already.
[+8] u/Character_Pirate_152: Shit won't crash until there is economic data. The propaganda is too strong.
[+7] u/OnlyBols: open the casino you crazy regards or you'll be living in wsb. praise be to allah
[+7] u/baconography: Ahhhh....
Yeah, just relax, have another drink
Have some more pretzels, a little more MSG
Turn on those Dallas Cowboys on your TV
Lock your doors, close your minds
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the two minute warning.
Welcome to 1984
Are you ready for the third world war?
Don't you worry, it's for a cause
Making money for you-know-who
America, Uber alles
[+7] u/winner_in_life: Look. A pump, let’s buy in and ride the rocket. Nothing can go wrong.
[+7] u/Purple-Coyote-6122: Im going to ruin this for the bulls by entering a single long position on my $59 simulation account.
[+6] u/issurvey: The easiest way to resolve the situation is through a market dump
[+6] u/ProudRaccoon4653: So dipshit gets upset and sets a made up deadline for Tuesday. Moderately more competent people in the Whitehouse realize oh shit and make up a ceasefire story to calm futes. Am I getting this right?
[+6] u/jg0nzalez22: Market turned green means we bleed tomorrow. If market was red now we would see shreks dick tomorrow for sure
[+5] u/Detonate-Ralph: Looks like Iran hit somewhere some of the MMs computers are located
[+15] u/athens72: Iran has rejected every US offer of a temporary ceasefire. They know they hold all the cards now. No way they accept any peace proposals.
[+13] u/f0xinaround: No matter what my dog will be beside me. The best boi FR
[+13] u/Subspace13: BREAKING NEWS: Jesus Christ finally descended towards Jerusalem but was met with Iron Dome missiles!
[+13] u/Phandomtrigger: Got some insider info, apparently the stocks will go to the right
[+12] u/Fresh_Internal_6085: “Open the fuckin’ strait you crazy bastards”
NOW WATCH THIS DRIVE!
[+11] u/No-Can-80085: I need grocery money
[+10] u/Aldribuds: Situating the monitor
[+10] u/sailorsmile: This entire year has been so delusional I don’t even know what to say anymore
[+9] u/Infinite-Mine5720: wouldn't mind them blowing up that data center before open
[+8] u/Ok-Indication-3754: Nothing is going to print. Cash looks like it might be the only option.
[+8] u/D1finalboss: wife changing money
[+7] u/Competitive_War5658: Al Jazeera has been my choice of news this whole war.
[+7] u/Other_Information_16: We have entered the stage where oil and Spy are positively correlated. It’s an economic miracle!!
[+6] u/timetopractice: Calls tomorrow who's with me
[+6] u/DingleJingle_: Any nonsense report about a ceasefire is fake news. Iran won't trust that shit. They will only agree to a deal that lets them keep control of the strait. They will literally let the country burn to ashes before they give that up. That being said, US stocks are the safest bet on the planet so buy calls retards.
[+6] u/bullhunter469: Bears MAD AS FUCKING SHIT because -0.69% futes went GREEN REAL FUCKING FAST lmfao
[+6] u/Ahzmer: The fact that we had bears and bulls confident of monday made theta the most realistic conclusion, so its what we get.
But rly, with what is happening, with mango clearly not being well anymore, hormuz being closed, i really do think we should be dumping.
[+5] u/whyshw: Japan stocks are up. We gonna be up at open
[+5] u/Open_Obligation_1624: Every 2 days keep saying talks well... next day bomb.. talks. what a flincher
[+5] u/ZealousidealSector19: Another day, another fake futures chart
[+19] u/Substantial-Use-2867: Yahoo finance is something else. "Oil surges, futures fall".
*checks futures:* Oil flat. Futures flat. Possible the earth flat?
[+15] u/Fit-Win-536: Just Called out sick from work tmro. I’m not sick
[+15] u/Unlucky252: I should have known that Donald converting to Islam was bullish
[+13] u/ring_of_slattern: It’s interesting that we can get a month straight of escalation and shit talking but a tweet every other day of “peace talks are going well” is enough to negate all of that.
> The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command
[+12] u/greyenlightenment: and dump is back on. nothing changed between now and 3 weeks ago. Strait will be closed for rest of year
[+11] u/jijitalk: GF said she's pregnant. I don't understand how that's possible, we never had sex. Can girls get pregnant from kissing?
[+11] u/whitepug: Iran has 🥭 by the balls shouting praise be to Allah on fucking easter they are not going to agree to a ceasefire puts will eventually print 😭
[+11] u/LarsTarkas: Join 🥭 and praise Allah
[+10] u/Wrath_FMA: Man 🥭 is still tweeting
[+10] u/Captain-Vimes: Bols falling for the fake "negotiations ongoing!" BS again
[+10] u/Practical_Fix_7214: Tried shorting Oil futures never again.
Market isn’t buying his bs pump
[+10] u/WayDry848: What's the next step after he bombs power plants and nothing happens?
putin has been bombing Ukraine's power grid for 4 years now..
[+9] u/Gorm_the_Old: *Headline: Stocks Rise on Optimism at Possible Iran Ceasefire*
Ah yes, the same Sunday/Monday headline from the last two months. Surely this won't turn out as it has pretty much every week for the last two months, where stocks rise optimistically Monday and Tuesday only to collapse into panic as the week drags on and the mythical [Great Ceasefire](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pumpkin) fails to make an appearance.
[+9] u/Messer_Nexus: This market is running on Vibes, nothing else.
[+9] u/Remarkable-Action708: I wish I could see what Barron is buying
[+9] u/tinydisaster: I don’t understand why markets aren’t down more, so I’m glad I’m cash gang because I don’t understand what could possibly be good news right now.
[+9] u/HalaMadridPapaFlo: Tom Lee: “S&P can jump by 5% tomorrow.”
[+8] u/Devastaytah: It's crazy how they pull these ceasefire negotiations right before market opens every week like clockwork.
Puts on my sanity
[+8] u/SoothingWafer: These prices are far too stable to be legit during a war after a 3 day weekend.
[+8] u/Opposite_Day_9771: Those of you who are bullish, why do you think Iran would back down? Iran, meaning the IRGC not the figure head president with no power. They have a mosaic command structure design to function independently like a hydra or Skynet. If you don't think they would back down and trump is negotiating with himself, what's the alternative plan to be bullish? Boots on the ground is a hostage situation. We all know Afghanistan and Iraq didn't go very well with 500,000 troops. What are 5000 troops going to do?
[+7] u/Dull-Buy-2776: tomorrow is destined to be flat
[+7] u/HomeHedgeFund: I am pleased to announce that peace talks with deez nuts have been going well. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP
[+6] u/DISAPPOINTING_FAIRY: isn't it fucking crazy how bulls don't even deserve to be alive???? yet somehow they are???? lmfao
[+6] u/curlnut3_14: Watching WSB success stories on YouTube on Sunday night to build confidence for the week just to lose it all by noon tomorrow. Let’s ride.
[+6] u/pineapplekiwipen: bears are born losers they always lose money
[+6] u/FuckElonMuskkk: Praise be to Allah. My puts are passing Al-Barzakh tomorrow.
[+5] u/legible_print: Man at this point just make your company’s ticker be CUM
[+5] u/leshermes: praise to allah? is mango a muslim now?
[+21] u/Boromir-Wants-: I have no idea what to wear for Bridge and Power Plant Day!!!
[+21] u/donniedarko1010: Iran won’t close the Strait
Iran better open the Strait
Iran has 2 days to open the Strait
Iran has a week to open the Strait
NATO, open the Strait
I’ll bomb your critical infrastructure if Strait isn’t opened
I don’t care about the Strait. We don't need the Strait at all
No ceasefire till Strait is open
Strait will open naturally
Open the F'ing Strait, you crazy bastards!!
(Partial credits: unknown redditor, added few recent updates)
[+18] u/Superente_: So markets can be manipulated by the same headline 5 weeks in a row. So why would you ever buy puts?
[+17] u/Diamondhands4dagainz: It’s honestly shocking how high SPY is when you consider oil shooting up and the energy crisis + political crisis at the moment. The market is insane
[+15] u/jez124: This is the dumbest timeline.
3 weeks or so of a purported deal in works with nothing to show for it. Market eating it up with each damn headline. Like i am not denying there will be a big pump with an actual deal just like post Liberation day pumps. But wtf is with the pumping of the markets with news of deals that dont materialize. The Stock market needs to nuked tbh.
[+15] u/2020isgreat: oil still above 100. Run the ceasefire headlines again
[+15] u/Urzuck: It's insane how he keeps doing the same exact shit for weeks and weeks lmao
[+14] u/Academic_Lock_1699: This feels like the longest presidency ever with all the bullshit he pulls
[+14] u/n8walker_ger: Nigerian princess here, i'm currently brokering a deal between 🥭 and i ran. Need 5M$ for a Fake peas price, such that the rotten 🥭 feels important.
Sent fast and your calls will print.
Otherwise the pdffiles will bei releases.
Regards for your AIttention to this splatter
[+14] u/Embarrassed-Sky6890: Drill at open ❌ Shrek at open ✅ Bers in shambles ✅
[+13] u/Capable_Pack3656: Alhamdulillah and happy Easter my fellow WSB brothers. Are you a haram bear or halal bull?
[+12] u/maldinisnesta: The year is 2029. I'm running through rubble in the streets of Ethelbert Manitoba where a fleet of Palantir death drones are scavenging for me and other survivors. (I said democracy is a good thing on reddit)
[+12] u/Soffatjockis: US: We are discussing a cease fire with Iran.
Iran: Yall talking to that random Iranian guy again?
[+11] u/daedalus_dance: >The War Is Turning Iran Into a Major World Power - New York Times
The thing with the people around 🥭 is that they assume no one ever did the really stupid thing before on account of them being "woke" or some other nonsense when really it was just that it was fucking stupid.
The bulk of changes to US government last 18 months has just been based on dumb shibboleths.
[+10] u/Urzuck: This is year 2027. We have another 2 day deadline from 🥭. Stocks have erased gains and futures have turned green. Everyone expects him to Taco 🌮.
[+10] u/Sensitive_Pilot3689: Ber pussy lookin so wet rn. Bols about to rek 🥺
[+10] u/Bokehmon_: Call me a bussy but I'm not buying shit in this fkin kangaroo market maaan
[+10] u/neutralpoliticsbot: Bears are crying in here must be green
[+9] u/pinghing: beep boop bop motherfucker
[+9] u/Necessary-Lychee-486: How on earth are futures up? This makes absolutely no sense.
[+9] u/Longjumping_Visit415: What happens if I stop wearing my retainer this shit ain't worth it
[+8] u/broke_person: Spy is not -1% overnight? That's a win for bools.
[+8] u/Impressive-Name5129: Why is my oil... Not going up 😭
[+8] u/Academic_Lock_1699: I thought SPY was a single stock ticker for half a year when I joined this sub 👌
[+8] u/Irishbros1991: TACO leaks for Monday again LMAO this cannot be real you idiots talking to themselves again?
[+7] u/mysuruhuduga: BMW designers intentionally ruining the brand with diabolical hideous design when they have perfect
inline 6 S58/B58 engine, it really hurts what they are doing to once a great looking car
Recent unveiling of their new neau klasse is crap
[+7] u/future2300: It's funny how often he talks about a deal while he has zero talks with Iran.
[+6] u/ismebbb: I think the market dgaf about the war anymore. Money's gotta go somewhere when inflation is outpacing Treasury bonds
[+5] u/sleepygarner: Eric Cartman was right.
[+5] u/Largeshmarge: Just went to Costco and picked up a pallet of Nothing Ever Happens
[+5] u/UnintelligibleThing: Futures green. I heard it's because the war has been cancelled.
[+5] u/lendrickkvmvr: There has been no decisive momentum above 660. They are really just waiting for people to sell their puts before dumping
[+16] u/NapNapNapNap: Open the casino. Praise be to Allah.
[+15] u/No-Paint-5726: Qatari LNG tanker was heading towards strait of zhormuz --- got reported on.
Then it got turned back --- didnt get reported.
Market is bullish biased rn.
[+12] u/Reynhart: Is Al Jazeera a reputable news source for this conflict? Saw something interesting pop up 3 minutes ago.
[+12] u/IndividualNo7155: Can’t wait for the new holiday tomorrow! It’s power plant and bridge day trump said
[+10] u/Interesting-Play-489: Rug in t minus 4 hrs
[+10] u/keny2323: Praise be allah we +5% today
[+10] u/Edjedonnie24: Bulls are about to get fckd
[+10] u/twenty_three_three: The market is regarded and has noreal intelligence. It's not a question of puts, it's a question of when the regarded market decides that the energy shock matters. could be this week, or three or six weeks from now.
[+9] u/AnimalIndependent: How are we possibly green with everything happening over the weedend
[+9] u/spsteve: Another bullshit peace narrative on sunday night. Seriously at what point does someone turn off the algos. This is Charlie brown and the football at this point.
[+9] u/Locke_____Lamora: Feels like a wait out the first 30m type of day
[+8] u/Comfortable-Sky7801: > Iran won't reopen the Strait as part of a temporary ceasefire, a senior Iranian official told Reuters on Monday, adding that Iran won't accept deadlines as it reviews the proposal.
LMAOOO
[+8] u/Electronic-Tax-1641: This week will make or break me……… I’m going to lose everything in under 1 day
[+8] u/Godzilla_slayer: Never seen anyone so confident on a coin flip before.
[+8] u/Godzilla_slayer: Iran refused the ceasefire. Surprise surprise.
[+8] u/Bloomeyer: this is just disgusting literally nothing will print. it’s just burning money
[+8] u/kiwicanuck-: You guys ever think you can be a bear and a bull at different times. But for some reason im a bear during a bull run and a bull doing a bear dip.
[+8] u/demonhunterking: Fake news pump. A talk never happened
[+7] u/Bloodshed3412: I hate holding options because that means I have to wake up for market open when I could be sleeping in
[+7] u/Stugatz27: Do Americans know they are starting to sound a bit brainwashed by propaganda? Iran’s all in, this is their last stand. Hormuz is sending US exceptionalism limit down brother
[+7] u/winston511: I got a pic online of Brad Pitt when he was my age and put in into chatgpt with a pic of me and said rate my coworkers on level of attractiveness. It gave Brad Pitt an 8.5 and me a 7.5…puts on AI
[+7] u/XeroShyft: There's just no way futes are ripping right now
[+6] u/mr_stupid_face: Her boyfriend then says: I got you bro
[+5] u/LazyImprovement9160: "tHe MaRkEt iS ForWaRd LOokiNG"
[+19] u/Ahthongkorkor: IRAN STATES THAT NO RATIONAL INDIVIDUAL WOULD SUPPORT A CEASEFIRE.
I mean the US hasn't exactly acted right during "ceasefires" lol. no one is surprised?
[+18] u/Former_West_7960: Honestly just let it crash already
[+14] u/X211499Reddit: Open the fuckin’ casino you crazy bastards
[+12] u/SpunkySprinkle: Everyone is excited about the Axios article but this is Aljazeera rn:
39 minutes ago-Iran rejects reopening Strait of Hormuz for a ‘temporary ceasefire’
9 minutes ago - Iran says struck US forces on Kuwait’s Bubiyan island
1 minute ago - Tehran says US 15-point plan as ‘ambitious and illogical’
[+10] u/This-Marzipan-5557: Made more money betting on rigged shit like the champions league and world cup friendlies then the fucking facts based stock market
[+10] u/Separate_Fold5168: Right now we are literally just pricing in when he announces today that the Tuesday Power Plant and Bridge Day has been re-scheduled to Friday.
[+9] u/Thecreamcheeze: Ceceasfire confirmed boys. All in
[+9] u/Fit-Doubt4251: It’s funny we all put the money we earn into something we have no control or say over 😂
[+9] u/Fit_Neighborhood9251: Tankers making U turn is clearly not bullish. The market is reacting instantly.
i hate this game.
[+9] u/SnooHedgehogs5162: JUST IN: 🇮🇷 Iranian Foreign Minister says temporary ceasefire only allows "crimes" to continue, demands full end to war.
In short, won't be happening anytime soon.
[+9] u/whydouhatemecablegod: open the fuckin' casino or i'll patiently wait until you do!!
[+9] u/Admirable-Shop5407: Here's how these 5 POSITIVE CATALYSTS can fix an imminent global recession due to energy disruptions for the rest of the year!
[+8] u/jakeisarake: You're entrance liquidity
[+8] u/Nero23x: You do realize the market is sitting on like 5 different positive catalysts, space stocks are beginning to take off , tech earnings have all been blowouts, the fed is printing money again , there is trillions of dollars on the sidelines just itching to get in once this "war ends". You don't want to be on the wrong side of this momentum is all I'm saying , position accordingly.
[+7] u/zestykite: when will the billionaire and sam altman buy up all the private militia groups and make the world strongest army to defend the stargate AI and end the war? its in their best interest .
[+7] u/Spear_n_Magic_Helmet: market turning on DLSS5 today
[+7] u/TimeOnTargetKilo: What should I buy tomorrow? I’m so hawny
[+7] u/BeaverSack: All these pumps are low volume sell offs
[+6] u/Potential-Plum7187: I love how we bulls are just chill knowing our calls are going to print meanwhile bears are going bald from stress
[+6] u/Milojow: Pakistan declines to confirm proposed framework to end Iran war - sorry, but why is the market pumping?