▶ Full Post Text
[+28] u/FabulousLanguage6216: PRAISE TO ALLADEEN !!!!!
Open the fkin strait or else I will give you another 10 days
[+26] u/Infinite-Anybody204: My trades are feeding a family of 4. Just not my family
[+24] u/Rich-Badger-7601: >BREAKING: Nike has been awarded a $6.7B contract by the Department of War to be the official footwear partner for boots on the ground this weekend. - Axios
[+18] u/MrsEveryShot: I’m not trusting any of these pharma companies until someone can put Ozempic in a vape
[+17] u/borkdpasito: Bessents computer desperate trying to keep futes green
[+17] u/leshermes: tAlKz aRe gOiNg WeLl
[+16] u/Character_Pirate_152: Trading shares is gambling at this point and doing options is insane.
[+16] u/Wowmuchrya: Yea bro just drop 1 more fake headline bro I’m so close bro cmon bro
[+16] u/darth_scion: Open the fuckin' market, you crazy bastards or you'll be living in hell - JUST WATCH!
[+14] u/CursedClownz: BREAKING NEWS :
MELANIA WILL BE "ESCORTING" ALL THE SHIPS FROM WHORMUZ
[+13] u/klippklar: Ballroom decoration talks going as planned.
[+12] u/Successful-End7689: Same ceasefire headlines every morning and zero real change.
[+12] u/Antiwhippy: Even if Trump wants to de-escalate Israel is not going to let him.
[+11] u/QuantrixQuintrix: Longest weekend of my life!
WE ARE SO FUCKIN BACK!
[+11] u/Pretty_Ad_7885: the odds of me making money are low but they are also probably zero
[+10] u/borkdpasito: Explosions reported at South Pars petrochemical complex in Asaluyeh, Iran
- Al Jazeera
[+10] u/_Doomer_Wojack_: Yeah there’s no negotiations going on. More escalation
Iran’s South Pars petrochemical facility in Assaluyeh was hit in multiple explosions
[+10] u/karlelzz011: Wtf s going on here? - Leonardo di cabrio
[+10] u/Warren_Buffets_Son: There's a chance that the S&P500 could go up or down tomorrow.
[+9] u/Educational-Fan6035: I have no doubt the street wants to fuck as many human as possible. They are so evil…
[+9] u/astromouse2024: So absolutely nothing is going to come of tomorrow night and the market is going to act shocked that a new deadline has been pushed back, once again, and then we tank the rest of the week.
[+9] u/ResidentPack4103: Did the Ayatollah Donnie not praise Allah yet this morning....Where's our fucking daily Truth at Donnie?
[+9] u/Apfelmoes_: There are decades where nothing ever happens; and there are weeks where nothing ever happens.
[+9] u/ThouOne: Panic tf out and sell everything, it’s Joever
[+9] u/DifficultGarlic6: Who knew it just took a simple praise to Allah to get a ceasefire.
Brilliant move from Turban Trump
[+9] u/spacemoses: Petrodollar is a stupid word anyway
[+8] u/borkdpasito: Bols really thought today was a green day LMFAO
[+8] u/ItsyBitsySPYderman: I blame the Christians for all this shit
[+7] u/dufusmembrane: lunatics running the asylum
[+7] u/Familiar_Gazelle_467: sir, this is a no way street. Turn your ship around and dock at the nearest Wendy's
[+7] u/RepulsiveDisaster671: #Cash gang are scared & weak
[+7] u/severed02: Theocracies are fun and all until they start blasting “Jesus Loves Me” over the town loudspeakers at sunrise
[+7] u/ItsyBitsySPYderman: After careful review of my financial situation and accounting for my asset wealth along with liquid cash, it has become painfully clear that in order to retire i basically HAVE to trade 0dte's.
[+7] u/Warren_Buffets_Son: Am I able to trade in the Polymarket as a monogamous person?
[+7] u/wenxuan2: Stop fading wtf my calls
[+7] u/Warren_Buffets_Son: My simple trading strategy is that I buy stocks when they are high and sell them when they are cheap.
[+6] u/Thebaxxxx: No ones backing down 🐻
[+6] u/AnxiousPilot007: Can I get 10% pamp in Msft in a day, today
[+6] u/Icy-Motor-8519: Iran rejects ‘illogical’ 15-point US plan, says talks cannot happen under threat
At a press conference in Tehran on Monday, Iran’s Foreign Ministry spokesperson Esmail Baghaei said Tehran will defend its country with “all its might” when necessary.
He accused the United States and Israel of having “no red lines” and disregarding international law. Baghaei rejected a reported 15-point US ceasefire proposal conveyed through mediators, describing it as “illogical” and unacceptable.
He stressed that talks cannot proceed alongside threats, insisting Iran’s national security and interests are the key criteria for any agreement.
Al Jazeera
[+6] u/Templar_Swamp_Stake: Don’t believe the “voter regret” bullshit you see on social media, my cousin’s husband still blasts crap on Facebook about how great (but perhaps unorthodox) his negotiating style is and how great the war is going
[+6] u/Templar_Swamp_Stake: Gonna start signing my work emails “Open the fucking strait you crazy bastards,”
[+6] u/FabulousLanguage6216: Where is the Iranian Guy? Wake him up to tell us if is a fake pump or not!!!!
Praise to Buddha!
[+6] u/Reply_Stunning: BREAKING: "Iran considering unconditional surrender by Wednesday"
kushnar is flying ther to finalise the 37 point deal
[+5] u/thegoldenfinn: I’m going to start selling some of my stocks. This is stupid. It’s a Midterm election year too.
[+5] u/Fit_Neighborhood9251: Without the Europumpers, you are all on your own, Ameririchers.
I want spy +17% when i wake up tomorrow drunk and baptised.
[+5] u/No-Put2311: A certain group of bovines here deserve seeing this slam back into the red
[+5] u/iiGoodVibesii: This is the market and it's all your fault.
You just cared so much about the location of Aleppo.
We would have legal pot, strong market and be a cool nation. But nooo. Allleepppoo
[+5] u/UnivalveX: Epstein would be proud
[+5] u/Organic-Lie4759: Someone tell Barron his puts expired worthless on Friday?
[+5] u/aa73gc: Puts at open, more puts at lunchtime
[+5] u/laurencenor: Went to sleep with futes drilling. Woke up to green. Typical Monday I see
[+5] u/Treverer: So energy infrastructure is open game now after they attacked the biggest gas field in the world, calls are getting fukt today
Even Israel is tired of 🥭 insider trading
[+5] u/ResidentPack4103: Either we pump to the moon this week or crash down to hell
Whether your a Bull or Ber🌈 jus remember your gonna get fukd
[+5] u/Pauldoc001: Oil is down 1 dollar today to 110.. praise be Allah!
[+35] u/WingedScapula420: 🤡👈silly me thinking the market would respond to reality
[+29] u/WingedScapula420: Can’t even afford to apply my clown makeup because the paints are oil based
[+26] u/__nameless____: So you're saying the puts I bought on thursday are fucked just because vibes?
[+26] u/Superente_: The situation is twice as bad as it was 1 week ago but SPY is still significantly higher than it was a week ago. Makes no sense to me.
So the conclusion is: Buy Calls
[+24] u/avdvetf: imagine if obama said praise allah
[+22] u/Diamondhands4dagainz: Attack on South Pars? PUMP IT. Negotiations fake and fallen through? PUMP IT. Strait remains closed? PUMP IT. WW3? PUMP IT. Aliens gunna blow up earth? PUMP IT
[+21] u/_pout_: People are optimistic about ceasefire while missiles were lobbed at Israel this morning. And vice-versa.
The news is so blatantly full of shit.
[+20] u/Agreeable_Leg_1046: Monday will be Full Port Day, and Cry in the Casino Day! Open the Fuckin’ Wendy's, you crazy bastards. Allahu Akbar!
[+18] u/kryptonyk: Open the fuckin’ casino, you crazy RETARDS
[+18] u/PutVivid6052: I’ve not received a single thank you from any of the people I lose all my money to.
[+17] u/Bxdwfl: If I had a dime for every time I refreshed futures, I wouldn't need to be refreshing futures so much
[+17] u/LazyImprovement9160: This market is really just running on hopium.
[+16] u/jerm2z: That was the longest 3 day weekend of all time
[+16] u/ShittyUsernane1222: \> deepseek v4 being released in a few hours
\> Bond yields jumping up
\> high oil prices
\> multiple debt crises and financial bubbles in the US
\> US-Iran war fucking with global supply lines
This is shaping up to be a Bull extinction event lmao.
[+15] u/Philthatman: Am I missing anything?
- Pre-mkt rally due to islamabad accord, pullback after Iran states "nuhuh" +0.2% still
- 🥭 Pushes up speech from 8pm ET Tuesday to 1pm ET today (makes hopium)
- 🇮🇱 continues bombing energy infrastructure
[+15] u/Exact_Entrepreneur66: CBS: A Whitte House official says the Pakistan backed peace proposal is just “one of many ideas,” and adds Presiden Dump has not approved any deal so far.......LOL, people keep believing whatever bullshit these people are peddling
[+14] u/orsomeshitidk: Open the Fuckin’ Caisno, you crazy bastards
[+14] u/ShittyUsernane1222: \> Bond Yields rising
\> Oil infrastructure destroyed => supply shortage with inelastic demand => price go up
\> High oil prices => Price increases in all oil-dependent goods => Demand destruction+inflation
Bulls are getting pressure-cooked lmao
[+14] u/Late_Echo1453: Who stopped the gay overnight
[+14] u/kaapooj: bulls don't deserve this much luck
[+14] u/RoninKnight17: The market is just standing there menacingly
[+13] u/WrexyWrex: Big booty Brazilian women 🍑💦😝
[+13] u/Salty-Bid1597: It's pretty mental that we're still experiencing the direct consequences of Princip shooting Ferdinand.
That guy has to be one of most consequential humans in history.
[+13] u/Comfortable-Sky7801: > Israel attacks major Iranian petrochemical site after Trump's infrastructure threats
Negotiations going well I see 🤣
[+13] u/dybalapogba21: There are concepts of a thought of a ceasefire
[+12] u/Mean_Bumblebee1945: Nasdaq is down -2% since war started. So basically nothing has happened.
[+12] u/Internal_Field5970: Good morning colleagues
[+12] u/ImLemonized: Nothing is going to make market red anymore… cash gang, we fucked up
[+11] u/This-Marzipan-5557: Buy the rumour, full port put the news. THANK YOU FOR YOURE ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, ALLAH.
[+11] u/Ok_Abbreviations8440: Silly ol me thinking today was going to be a bloodbath bc of the no new wars guy saying crazy shit
[+11] u/iBoughtAtTheBottom: Dementus is blowing up Gastown
[+11] u/Nick_Gilberts_Bowtie: But if I buy calls today it’s gonna go down FUCK
[+11] u/Basic-Kale3169: We’re either going to have a HUGE crash, or we’re going to have a HUGE pump.
The fucked up part is that if you stay cash, you’re also taking a HUGE gamble on your money being evaporated via inflation.
We’re all gamblers, bols, bers, and norms.
[+11] u/callsonreddit: Iran pushes back against Trump's deadline
>"The Strait of Hormuz will open when all the damages caused by the imposed war are compensated through a new legal regime, using a portion of the revenue from transit fees," Tabatabai said in a post on social media on Sunday.
[https://www.npr.org/2026/04/06/nx-s1-5775383/iran-war-updates](https://www.npr.org/2026/04/06/nx-s1-5775383/iran-war-updates)
[+11] u/spsteve: Israel: Fuck your peace talks;
"BREAKING: Iran's South Pars Petrochemical facility in Assaluyeh has been attacked with multiple explosions reported, according to IRGC-affiliated Fars News Agency". Multiple sources confirming the strike. This has long been an iranian red line, so i fully expect their retaliation will inflict more damage on gcc energy sites.
[+11] u/MrT_IDontFeelSoGood: Iran waiting to reject everything 30min before open to fuck with 🥭 is my bet
[+11] u/WombatShwambat: There are hopes of an Iran ceasefire in the same way that I have hopes of having Sydney Sweeney lick my butthole
[+10] u/Austin_Destroyer: "The market is resilient to oil pressures"
OR
"The market is going to tank once retail takes the bait and buys in"
[+10] u/Anfield_Cowboy: What happens first; does the market go red or 🥭 shit his pants?
[+10] u/_pout_: He's talking at 1pm.
Why's he talking like a normal leader? He's supposed to flood us with asinine tweets.
[+10] u/__nameless____: They want ceasefire fo US and Iran, but they don't include the one's that actually started all of this and keep attacking, Israel. Huh?
[+10] u/wrongrobertpatrick: Iran didn’t agree to anything — have fun bols
[+10] u/blindrubberchicken: This ceasefire will fall apart when Iranians reject adopting “YMCA” as their national anthem.
[+10] u/tika_dengu: Bers spotted in the strait blocking tankers from passing through
[+10] u/avdvetf: why don't they just pour the oil into the strait and let it float out naturally, collect it on the other side
use the strait to our advantage
[+10] u/Internal_Field5970: Good morning colleagues
[+10] u/TheOriginalBushToad: Market drills at open until 1pm when Mango blows smoke up our asses....
[+10] u/AfraidAnalyst: Iran just needs to go on the show, Deal or No Deal. They think there’s a briefcase with “you get everything” but every briefcase just says “back to Stone Age”. But every time they get close to the end, TACO just brings out more briefcases
[+10] u/Boheed: Smuggling oil out of Iran in my ass
[+10] u/PutVivid6052: Flatter than Pam Bondi
[+9] u/1-gp: Have a feeling oil is gonna jump for a few more weeks
[+9] u/edapalooza: Both sides are blowing up gas fields/infrastructure and oil is only at $110?
[+9] u/Mighty-HeaIthy: # **”I’m gonna bomb the shit out of them”**
[+9] u/WombatShwambat: “There shall be a ceasefire inshallah”- 🥭
[+9] u/Retaining-Wall: Islamposting wasn't an expected development, but here we are. Praise be 🙏🙌
[+9] u/ThetaFarmingRegard: hey it’s me, theta gang 9 hrs from the future
it’s a flat day today
[+9] u/Irishbros1991: Israel deciding to start the attacks on major energy infrastructure in Iran I don't think oil markets are aware yet this is going to get bad fast!
[+9] u/Options_tarded: Boomers built a new house on my street. Kids grown and moved out and these badtards built a bigger house. Sold their shitty 1400 sqft starter for like $700K. These fucking people man
[+9] u/ReferenceFunny7142: Freakin guy talks every freakin day
[+9] u/VincenteThomp: How are you guys celebrating national bridge day tomorrow?
[+9] u/imusuallydrunkatnine: Weirdest place you’ve ever placed a trade?
Chemo ward, while waiting on someone to finish treatment.
[+9] u/ripcord51: 1 more sleeps until Power Plant and Bridge Day!!!
[+9] u/vincenorristm: I was told boots on ground this weekend, I’m suing.
[+9] u/AMCorBUST2021: Ber here. Watching with dread as I know this shit gonna levitate for no reason.
[+9] u/el-art-seam: European Council president says escalation will not achieve ceasefi- OPEN THE FUCKING STRAIT YOU CRAZY BASTARDS
[+9] u/HARCYB-throwaway: A lot of negative sentiment being pushed here. Another ripper of a green day in the hopper
[+9] u/cheesengrits69: Trump finds the light of islam and now premarkets are green allah has blessed the united states
[+9] u/RoninKnight17: I’m finished with your mom
[+8] u/Loose_Stool_12: Is there a prediction market for how quickly Kash Patel's ~~Mossad agent~~ country singer girlfriend leaves him after he gets shitcanned as FBI head?
[+8] u/WrexyWrex: There is something living under your bathtub drinking all your jizz from when you beat off in the shower
👻
[+8] u/_pout_: NYSE bros coming back from holiday today and they're going to bring the wrecking balls.
Premarket futures algos not making sense.
[+8] u/Happy-Philosophy9211: Such an ugly time to have a position open rn
[+8] u/SalemKinkTrials: So obviously ending red today
[+8] u/fredditf: Today will be highly retarded. Beware 1pm presser volatility
[+8] u/tika_dengu: # “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” - JD Vance
[+8] u/aftherith: I envy the mindless call buyers
[+8] u/Commercial_Ease8053: I sold everything a week ago… and now I’m sad cuz my money doesn’t go uppy or downy and I’m bored.
[+8] u/aftherith: Prepare to get a million Robinhood alerts at 8am for prices that happened hours ago
[+8] u/jerm2z: The cooks are booked
[+8] u/FullCuntalLobotomy: The retardation in here is trending up. The amerifats are awakening
[+8] u/OscarCapac: 16 ships passed in the last 24h, up from 3-5 a day. Insurance premium also down to 1% right now from 5%
Sounds like de-escalation, even if there isn't a deal yet
[+8] u/puffinnbluffin: Good morning you crazy bastards
[+8] u/whydouhatemecablegod: i suspect Pete Hegseth's prostate has PTSD
[+8] u/spyputs1: Every day is a “deal coming soon” article/tweet literally from April 2025
[+8] u/orsomeshitidk: I wonder what fresh new hell awaits us today
[+8] u/Specialist_Exam_8433: What was the point of this war in the first place? If we're just going to negotiate and pack it up then we might as well not have fought it in the first place. Hard to take it seriously when this admin frames the IRGC as an existential threat to the region then says oh yeah but we can leave them there. Methinks the only reason we are in Iran is so that 🥭 can run a dump and pump on the market.
[+8] u/d33p7r0ubl3: Another day of Trump saying a deal is close while Iran says a deal is not in the cards
[+8] u/kaapooj: bulls are not serious people
pakistan is not a serious mediator they are playing their own game and just **trying to mediate** for their own sake.
[+8] u/Emergency-Ticket5859: SELL your fuckin' positions you crazy bastards!!
[+8] u/spsteve: This will likely fly under radars but:
"Pakistan’s economy, already under strain from soaring oil prices, is facing a new setback after it failed to reach agreement with the UAE to roll over $3 billion in debt for the first time in seven years" -bloomberg.
Don't read this story as about Pakistan (even though it is at first glance). This is about the UAE starting to feel stress and no longer freely offering capital. This will also impact their other investments. Look for clawbacks to start soon if this lasts.
[+8] u/ecoburner87: Is this joke from 2014?
[+7] u/PutVivid6052: I’ve just woke up from a 3 year coma, what the fucks going on?
[+7] u/Proton404x: Uh oh, the idiot plans to talk at 1pm about the rescues….
[+7] u/_pout_: News acting like that unhinged tweet didn't happen. Totally normal.
[+7] u/enjolras348: Got out with my NQ puts with a 70$ profit after being -3100$ at one point after the ceasefire news broke. After i sell my puts, NQ drops like a rock. Could have been up 2500$. Story of my life
[+7] u/looool_k_libtard: LMAO bulls got so excited to see green for the first time in a decade. But then it slipped away. Bears are so much stronger and smarter, enjoy losing everything bulls.
[+7] u/Worried_Quarter469: Based on this weekend’s tweet, I’m sure today’s speech will be fully hinged coming from a stable genius
[+7] u/No-Insurance100: Barak Ravid is literally former Israeli intelligence, everything he says is market manipulation
[+7] u/Xelonima: Bull bones will be on display in British Nature Museum by the end of this week, as a memory of the extinct species
[+7] u/Issa_vibe74: Believe it or not, spy’s flat today
I needed a move, not 655
I bought me some calls and maybe some puts
How can this beeeeee
I’m losing my moneyyyyy
I must be set freeeee
Believe it or not I’m losing money how can this beeeeeeee
[+7] u/Wulfric05: The market has been very jumpy in gobbling up the "bottom" lately; no one wants to be late in getting back in. I fear that they have ironically been too early, however.
[+7] u/Boheed: why's the market breathing all heavy like that
[+7] u/sloanemonroe: I mean, there’s gotta be a point where there’s either a shortage of oil or there isn’t. And then all the bullshit lies just won’t matter. A real shortage means oil goes over $150 and the market dives 10-20% or more. This is why dipshit is so nervous.
[+7] u/puffinnbluffin: Wait how is the market green
[+7] u/HeavyArmsJin: I would say gg Bulls when oil goes up but I got burnt last Friday when oil and spy go up together so good luck everybody
[+6] u/DingleJingle_: Iran’s Fars news agency reports an attack targeted the South Pars petrochemical facility in Asaluyeh.
“A few minutes ago, the sound of several explosions was heard from the South Pars Petrochemical complex in Asaluyeh,” according to the Fars report.
[+6] u/No-Improvement3164: It’s ok guys don’t get down on yourselves. It’s the market that’s retarded not us. We’ll get’em next time.
[+6] u/DanqueLeChay: Love the smell of options in the morning…smells like…napalm
[+6] u/ThinCrusts: Lmao this shits gonna open green isnt it?
Pricing in a 🌮?
[+6] u/Diamondhands4dagainz: Gapping up at open, TACO Tuesday tomorrow
[+6] u/Camusknuckle: Iran hates the US far more than they like having the ability to use their microwave
[+6] u/chuastan: Wildcard. At 1 pm. Bibi addresses the nation. Bers u win
[+6] u/kojima_you_genius: Inshallah habibi may you have a blessed Easter Monday
[+6] u/Shot-Ground-9898: Good morning PRAISE BE TO ALLAH ALLAHU AKBAR
[+6] u/avdvetf: "I am pleased to Announce that the Government of Iran has agreed to donate $300 million, very Generously, from their tolls on the Straight, to the construction of our Large and Fabulous ballroom. Thank you for your attention in this Matter"
[+6] u/Tagliata: How to lose money today?
[+6] u/awetfartruinedmylife: reuters published an ambiguous article that contains the word "ceasefire". good luck to our ber community
[+6] u/EnginrA: Walked by the CFOs office and caught him jacking off to porn on his computer (didn’t look like there were any women on the screen tho)
[+6] u/avdvetf: 3 more years of this, 🙏 4 cholesterol
[+6] u/WSB-mods-are-: If the market isn't going to open more than 50 cents up or down we should leave it closed
[+6] u/No_Current3675: I don't get how bitches saw MU at 312 a few days ago and didn't buy.
[+6] u/Mycologist-Active: I’m buying calls and Colombian Coke at open
[+6] u/Iamhappilyconfused: Believe it or not, flat day today
[+6] u/Austin_Destroyer: Imagine buying USO calls, but it stays red and now you can't afford your $4.50/gallon gas.
But for real, my brain hurts.
[+6] u/nomar_ramon: I feel like the market is getting used to this and would be climbing up now.
[+6] u/Kind-Recognition4528: March CPI is not gonna fully reflect the impacts of oil. So wait til next month.💀
[+6] u/el-art-seam: AP News- Israel attacked south pars
[+6] u/No_Current3675: Fuck it, breh. I have a retarded "lunch n learn" or whatever the fuck on Wednesday. I'm WFH today, zero fucking sense in commuting more than 1 day/week. Shit is completely fkd but I hold enough power to dictate my own schedule to my fucking employer. Cunts.
[+6] u/Boheed: Gonna fly into Iran, fill all my Tupperware with oil, fly it out, and profit.
[+6] u/callsonreddit: Iran has formulated its response to ceasefire proposals, foreign ministry spokesperson says
[https://www.reuters.com/business/media-telecom/iran-has-formulated-its-response-ceasefire-proposals-foreign-ministry-2026-04-06/](https://www.reuters.com/business/media-telecom/iran-has-formulated-its-response-ceasefire-proposals-foreign-ministry-2026-04-06/)
Iran’s top university bombed as US, Israel intensify attacks; 34 killed
[https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/6/irans-top-university-bombed-as-us-israel-intensify-attacks-34-killed](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/6/irans-top-university-bombed-as-us-israel-intensify-attacks-34-killed)
[+6] u/I-IV-I64-V-I: Time to pump the pre market off fake news!
[+6] u/Unh0lyCatf1sh: yes but it will be a voluntary lockdown since no one will be able to afford gas
[+5] u/ExpatAndrew: See, y'all's first problem was believing anything you hear from this administration.
More like Islamabad discords
[+5] u/Spezalt4: Extending deadlines is the ultimate money glitch.
[+5] u/bzl33: looking forward to corporations justifying increases prices because of the Strait of Hormuz. Many will suffer the same fate as Chipotle and other fast food/fast casual chains.
[+5] u/Capable_Pack3656: Oil is still the play IMO
[+5] u/Select_Season7735: Iran rejects ‘illogical’ 15-point US plan, says talks cannot happen under threat
[+5] u/Keviticas: At a certain point it's gambling and not investing. Both today and tomorrow will undoubtedly be unbelievably unpredictable by any metric, ANYTHING could happen to any pertinent market. I'm staying out of this
[+5] u/claytondpark: Rejoining cash gang today until I see a bigger dip than last week, fuk this shiet
[+5] u/Select_Season7735: Yields and VIX rippin Bols are fukt
[+5] u/MoleMan199: Longest 48 hours of my life. Get to the point, old man.
[+5] u/SmokingOnions: Someone should pay me a living wage to bet the opposite of their bets, you’ll be rich.
[+5] u/No-Insurance100: Traders are dumb cattle
Axios is not a legitimate news source
[+5] u/TheDudeAbidesFarOut: It's over 🥭. MMs are saving powder for the Space cuck's IPO...
[+5] u/Regenbooggeit: Even being in shares only this shit stresses me out so much, I can’t believe how anyone is trading options during this war and not be on life support. Bless ya’ll retarded hearts.
[+5] u/Happy-Philosophy9211: hahahahahah the way oil gets shorted back each time it passes 103 WTI is diabolical
shits so rigged
[+5] u/tika_dengu: As soon as the deal is announced, Oil will drop like a lead balloon.
[+5] u/Specialist_Exam_8433: CPI is gonna come in blazing hot this week and we probably pump off it
[+5] u/tbiol: Iran better do something, or else they'll be in trouble on Wednesday!
[+5] u/Tropicalfisher: Open the Fuckin' Casino, you crazy bastards, or I'll be able to keep my money -- JUST WATCH! Praise be to MMs!
[+5] u/Stealthless: Creating bagholders in Premarket?
[+5] u/Bravadette: We've restored 1/7th of the blood flow to his brain, he's basically healthy now.
--alternate universe Dr. 🥭
[+5] u/Boheed: They sent Pam Bondi to a farm with unlimited pdf files
[+5] u/housemouse431: if i dont invest in the market or play options....my bank account actually grows. thought it would be the opposite.
[+5] u/ContributionMore5502: So many are going to fall for an obvious bull trap this morning.
[+5] u/Maximum-Magazine-333: You know the investing guru people feel hard as fuck saying “deploying capital”
[+41] u/Bonkers119: Iran: the ceasefire will not happen.
Market: the war is over
[+29] u/StraitOfHummus: The ceasefire is happening, it's on the way, I promise
-George R.R. Martin
[+28] u/CocaineFarmer1: Israel just hit South Par’s gas field. That should be good for 3% + for the spy.
[+28] u/Difficult-Ask2278: Open the fuckin’ casino, you crazy bastards!
[+27] u/noahmfs: 🥭 talking to a 45 day cease fire with Iran
https://preview.redd.it/6ihv5w8thktg1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48facce645f782f7c2713a698bfe3e9745cc09a4
[+22] u/traderbusto: For the past couple weeks I’ve been hiding my losses from my wife by selling her shoes on Vinted. This feels unsustainable.
[+21] u/Skilledthunder: You can’t convince me half this sub isn’t just broccoli haired dudes sitting in the back of a school bus trading on phones at 6% battery
[+20] u/maldinisnesta: Born too early to fight in the Middle East, born too late to fight in the Middle East, born just in time to fight in the Middle East.
[+19] u/traderbusto: McKinsey charged WBD $55 million in consulting fees to rebrand HBO to HBO Max, $37 million to shorten HBO Max to Max, and $63 million to revert the name back to HBO Max. Why am I even going to work today?
[+19] u/Ok_Dish1650: OIL GREEN, SPY GREEN.
BERS IN DISBELIEF 😭😭😭
[+19] u/TrickyDickCheney: Naturally blowing up a bunch of energy infrastructure over the weekend is bearish for oil
[+18] u/lonewolf210: I can't believe the market is going to fall for it for the fifth fucking time
[+18] u/lysergalien: Fuck your calls, fuck your puts
https://preview.redd.it/zpb2v9pqfktg1.jpeg?width=1592&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3927717ab064be25cd39e4c6e632c96fc674a15b
[+17] u/ThermalChaser: 🥭 going on tv at 1pm to announce a deal while refineries are sploding all across the gulf. This is fine meme.
[+16] u/FeelingPersimmon: In 3 years, there's going to be a real dogshit movie made about rescuing that pilot
[+16] u/Inner-Cobbler-2432: At one point, there will be a small selloff on no news. And then, in a chain reaction, reality will kick in. And it will dump. All of it.
[+15] u/DesignerSea494: “Open the fucken strait or I’ll hold my breath until my face turns brown.”
[+15] u/DragonFruit-_-777: Iranian state media is more credible than mango now lol
[+15] u/StraitOfHummus: The year is 2030, and gasoline in the United States has so much corn in it the FDA has added it to the food pyramid. A ceasefire is still 2 weeks away.
[+15] u/AcceptableCar3105: There is obviously no way to open the strait without ground forces unless Iran agrees to it. You probably need more ground forces than we have over there too.
I'm in oil calls. I'll still be happy if we can find a ceasefire that opens the strait, but with the U.S. and Israel clearly not recognizing Iranian sovereignty and being willing to attack on a whim, I don't see an offramp for them. This is an existential fight for the IRGC and they know it.
Also, Israel is still in Lebanon. Iran will likely want Israel to pull out of Lebanon before agreeing to a ceasefire, which we all know Bibi is not going to agree to.
So people who think this shit is opening up soon. Please make the case for me. I really want to understand.
[+14] u/Wide_Neighborhood_49: Stay up for another 30 min so I can get cheaper puts. Lol These dumbass algos will believe anything. WAR IS OVER. ALL TROOPS TO BE SENT HOME IMMEDIATELY AND OIL IS NOW FREE
[+14] u/J_da_CPA: 🥭 policies suck and it’s now showing
[+14] u/cardboard-junkie: Market waiting for the next allah prayer from DJT
[+14] u/NewlyOld31: All green after THAT weekend is wild lol
[+14] u/Ok-Analysis4121: Any ceasefire news is fake. Iran has come out on multiple occasions and said they will never do a ceasefire. Only guarantees it'll never happen again.
[+13] u/MorpheusMKIV: I’m buying more puts
[+13] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: If the Iranians seriously agree to a temporary ceasefire they’re more retarded than this sub which I didn’t even think was possible LMAO
[+13] u/HolyBubbiDiver: US president converting to islam - BULLISH AF, buying 72 Virgin Galatic, praise be to Allah!
[+13] u/jda823: Schrodinger's ceasefire
[+13] u/triwyn: AL JAZEERA: BREAKING: US pilot rescue may have been cover to 'steal enriched uranium', Iran foreign ministry says
USA USA USA
[+13] u/Snowman33001: Time to start bulking, summer is coming up. Have to be as fat as possible for the pool.
[+13] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: “Well actually it’s just an idea we had that the prez hasn’t even agreed to and then it also would be hated by the group we’re not even negotiating with who said they’d never do it ever but we’re really optimistic about it” bro the lies are getting more and more desperate we’re so fucked
[+13] u/Mr_Compyuterhead: Where is the crash promised to me five thousand years ago??
[+13] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: SPY up like 2¢ and you’d think bulls won the World Series LMAO
[+13] u/Bizonistic: Pre-market: 📈📈📈📈
Trading hours: 📉📉📉📉
[+12] u/Itchy_Election_5327: im holding puts over the weekend- spy +2% today
[+12] u/MissMatriarch: I love how everyone here is just ‘big talk’ against the other party, but matter of fact is we’re all scared shitless because no one can predict the fuckery that’s coming next.
Never change WSB.
[+12] u/trickponies: Somewhere out there someone is making more in an hour than I’ll see in my entire life.
[+12] u/Bam2458: Has anyone tried saying thank you to Allah directly? He’s green on Teams rn.
[+12] u/Canadianinvestor1997: I’m actually curious. Tesla shareholders in here, why in gods name are you still buying/holding. Here are some good responses if you can’t think of any
1) I’m regarded
2) I’m regarded
3) I’m regarded
4) I like Enron
5) I’m regarded
[+12] u/TheWizardOfFries: When asked about the status of the Strait of Hormuz, Trump had this to say:
" اسمع، الجميع يتحدث عن هرمز. حبيبي هرمز رجل عظيم، رجل قوي جداً، لكنه صديق جيد جداً. صدقوني، لا أحد يتدفق مثله. لديه أفضل نفط، وأفضل سفن—الجميع يريدون أن يكونوا هو. بعض الناس، ناس ضعفاء جداً، يحاولون العبث معه، لكنه قوي. إنه يقوم بعمل رائع، عمل ضخم. إن شاء الله، سيبقى ملك الخليج للأبد. سيكون الأمر رائعاً، صدقوني! " - D. J. Trump
[+12] u/Gom_KBull: # OPEN THE FCUKIN CASINO, YA CRAZY BASTUDS
[+12] u/NapNapNapNap: This shit gonna fuckin’ dump
[+12] u/andyman268: Cash gang 🤝 is easy now all I need to do is buy the exact bottom
[+12] u/WannabEngineer: OPEN THE FUCKIN’ CASINO YOU CRAZY BASTARDS
[+11] u/livingiice: If bull trap continues... does it make a bull market
[+11] u/whitepug: Financial freedom is being glued to your phone for 12 hours refreshing truth social
[+11] u/anerdknownaswill: I’m joining the bulls. Prepare for a crash
[+11] u/abroadbroadband: It's honestly a little embarrassing pulling up this subreddit in public, but where else am I gonna get the news?
# 🫤
[+11] u/infinitewaters107: We got an American president saying “praise be to Allah” before GTA6. Unreal 🤣.
[+11] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: Honestly it feels like Axios is just a pump machine. They just latch onto what some retarded intern says that’s bullish and then don’t say shit when nothing happens for the fiftieth time
[+11] u/McClintockC: Roses are red
Ber r fuk
Ber r fuk, ber r fuk
[+11] u/trickponies: Subway was so good in like 1997. Shit was crazy.
[+11] u/Haunting-Window-5125: Market still hasn't reacted to last weeks 10% oil spike lol more oil infrastructure hit over the weekend in the mid east and russia
[+11] u/Czyzzle: Remember Thursday and we all held puts to the close waiting for the bottom to fall out and shit went sideways all day then a little "fuck you ber" green candle at the end? Good times.
[+11] u/thenelston: my rope on the ceiling
[+10] u/Ok-Analysis4121: This price action is screaming theta
[+10] u/BigMisterLawyerDude: The most hilarious outcome of this war is that Iran has emerged as more reliable with information than the U.S.
[+10] u/Diamond-Solo: Is this ceasefire in the room with us right now?
[+10] u/Remarkable_Owl: You guys need to chill the fuck out: this is the FIFA Peace Prize winner we’re talking about here. He’s got this shit on lock 😎
[+10] u/StraitOfHummus: The VIX is set to open up 5%, and the S&P is dead flat.
Lots of confidence in this market today.
[+10] u/StraitOfHummus: Gentlemen, I regret to inform you I'm still closed.
[+10] u/wyudtix: Bend over Bols. Time to get fuk
[+10] u/GoogleKushforLunch: Nah I think I shitted on myself
[+9] u/Humble_Explanation32: i can't play first person games anymore, i feel sick after few minutes
[+9] u/holycarrots: Bears are going to have the worst week of their lives
[+9] u/Ahthongkorkor: U.S. OFFICIAL: 45-DAY IRAN CEASEFIRE PLAN STILL JUST AN IDEA
A White House official told an Axios reporter that the proposed 45-day ceasefire between the U.S. and Iran is "one of many ideas" being discussed and that the president has not signed off on it."
Concepts of an idea of a plan for a ceasefire
[+9] u/DefiantDelta: bulls in an hour: “b-but, but Axios said!!! they said peace was achieved!!!!!!!! whyyyy”
[+9] u/whomakesthetendies: Member when his most controversial tweet was covfefe?
I member 😔
[+9] u/soup4br3kfast: Just gonna stay flat till trump says absolutely nothing at 1pm
[+8] u/4TheGhostCat: Market is propped up by 55 peace announcements.
[+8] u/SadDevelopment3049: Any moment we’ll get a tweet about peace talks
[+8] u/jovi_1986: If you self censor your comments I dont wanna hang out with you
[+8] u/Groundbreaking-Gap20: Open the Fuckin’ Casino 🎰 , you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah
[+8] u/Xzlk: Damn it’s been ages since Ive seen you regards. Long ass weekend.
[+8] u/GirlScoutCookies93: Balls deep shorting OIL
[+8] u/StraitOfHummus: JPow has turned on the money printer, I repeat, JPow has turned on the money printer! ~8 trillion USD getting printed to further cause more inflation. Still think there's a rate cut on the horizon?
[+8] u/Diamond-Solo: Bullish on big titty goth chicks
[+8] u/StraitOfHummus: Let's take a moment to appreciate the guy from CitriniResearch who for only $15k literally went to the Strait of Hormuz, did crimes, then got detained by the Coast Guard, only to say "actually yeah, for the few days I was in country it looked like a lot of oil was moving".
Sure bro, sure.
[+8] u/Actual_Difference617: Iran be like - How many times we have to reject your ceasefire old man?
[+8] u/The_Albertino: The big players in the market are a lot smarter than you regards, ima go with them
[+8] u/PompeiiSketches: # NOTHING. EVER. HAPPENS.
# STOCKS. ONLY. GO. UP.
[+8] u/McClintockC: And Jesus rose on the third day and said to his followers, "Thou shalt go forth and fearmonger, and warmonger, and eat processed meats. Lo, into the Costco ye shall go and buy in bulk all manner of shit, for I am the son of the lawd." 🇺🇸🦅
[+8] u/plznodownvotes: Media: Oil dips as hopes emerge for an end to Middle East hostilities
The Oil “dip”: $115 - $110
[+8] u/Ok_GAINZ: the market is not the economy
[+8] u/Valkorion335786: I remember when my accounting professor made us take the final exam at home and had us install lockdown browser with a webcam so no cheating and was extremely confident he outsmarted the entire class
And then we all just taped our notes to the monitor lmfao
[+8] u/Govtwaste19: Opening flat. Today has the potential for unlimited possibilities. Do we go to the moon or drop to zero? Both are equally likely and could happen simultaneously based on the whims of a demented 80 year old. What a time to be alive.
[+8] u/Perfectly_Splendid89: this will teach you not to buy calls/puts on long weekends.
[+8] u/Muted-South4737: It is possible that puts are a bad idea.
[+8] u/MicioBau: I swear if 🥭 pulls another TACO tomorrow imma punch somebody
[+8] u/BenisSpaghetti: I had no idea it was a reference outside WSB. 🤔
[+8] u/spectra444: IM OUT OF THE GULAG 😭
[+8] u/HaveAKlondike: Taco doesn’t work if another country continues bombing.
[+7] u/AerieZealousideal330: Artemis rocket just reported from the moon that the market is no where in sight.
[+7] u/MoMeanMugs: DMX's Ruff Ryder's anthem was:
Stop
Drop
Shut 'em down
Open up shop
I've now realized this was a cypher for WSB and needs to be played backwards:
Open up shop (calls)
(MMs) Shut 'em down
Drop
Stop (loss)
(RIP big dawg. Can't believe it's been 5 years.)
[+7] u/Distinct_Car7737: I'm reviewing my strategy of buying high and selling low
[+7] u/tim_hanby: Mortgage adviser cold-called me today and asked if I was looking to buy a home. LMAO
[+7] u/spellbadgrammargood: Intel continues to climb with a PE of -600.
[+7] u/tim_hanby: Just sold my 90's Toyota Celica :(
[+7] u/Cutalana: My pee came out red, is this a sign???
[+7] u/ResponsibleAnt8049: iran’s south pars petrochemical complexes have just been destroyed by israel. this won’t go unpunished.
[+7] u/hayleybts: Stop fighting SPY, just go down
[+7] u/trent_upscale: Mango smells like pee and baby powder
[+7] u/Xzlk: The Board of Peace is actually just a piece of wood
[+7] u/GirlScoutCookies93: Santa Rally officially started
[+7] u/Actual_Difference617: Last night I read the headline - ‘Asian markets up on hopes of ceasefire deal’. It was like hour before that 45 days fake ceasefire headline. Wtf literally there were no news of ongoing talks while they were sending missiles at each other.
[+7] u/TheWizardOfFries: Soft shell taco or hard shell taco
[+7] u/mrsmetalbeard: Anybody know why SPY volume is so light? Did someone turn off the pre-market algos? I swear the volume bars used to be way higher in pre-market trading.
[+7] u/Ok_Dish1650: imagine thinking we won't see a +3% day today
couldn't be me lmfaoooooooooooo
[+7] u/Master_Shoulder1078: virgin galactic is up 12% , why didn't i just go ape into that!!!
[+7] u/Paul_Robert_: *Microsoft teams restarts*
Ok np, I have a couple min before my meeting
*Microsoft teams not responding*
Ok, let me give it a min.
There we go! Now let me click on the meeting
*Microsoft teams goes unresponsive again*
ok let me close and restart teams
*Everything is good*
*Clicks on meeting*
#MICROSOFT TEAMS IS NOT RESPONDING
[+7] u/BarbellPadawan: This crash looks like a legit bull run.
[+7] u/EndGenocide13: This week feels like a -4% haircut off the spy
[+7] u/NapNapNapNap: There is a 0% chance this pumps. Blood red.
[+7] u/sleepygarner: I don't care. I'm cash gang until this retardation ends. Knowing my luck, it'll last for years, but the market will still boom.
[+7] u/extrabigbrain: 1PM 🥭 press conference
[+7] u/EyeSea7923: These guys get all the bitches when they die, why would they ceasefire?
[+7] u/No-Relationship8261: Iran said even if ceasefire happened it wouldn't include opening the strait, again.
I wonder how do they feel having to repeat the same thing every couple hours because US is so tık tok brained
[+7] u/Ibpr0fin: Because screw you, that's why.
[+7] u/_Marat: It’s 7 am and the day’s pump has already faded.
[+6] u/2AMTrader: I pretty sure trumps plan is to fuck the world economy up. So this will continue to get worse.
[+6] u/Rosebunse: May the person who didn't refill ghe coffee see nothing but red in their port today!
[+6] u/TreGet234: Full cash gang with fullport buy order at liberation day levels.
[+6] u/Far-Sherbert-8634: man from now on im not gonna gamble, but to watch u guys. its gonnna be fun
[+6] u/4TheGhostCat: These nerds better start buying Elon's weird looking sex robots.
[+6] u/SolomonKings7: Ah, last minute deal news pump.
[+6] u/ConsiderationKey1658: Nobody knows what it means, it’s provocative, gets the people going
[+6] u/jmc774: Oh yeah the market bottomed
[+6] u/Athien: I blame Pam Bondi for all of this, she jinxed the market at 50,000 and now here we are
[+6] u/MrRutin: More news coming out in a span of 30 min than rest of the 3 day weekend 😂
[+6] u/victoryboiiTCG: Green at night bears delight
[+6] u/Iscratchmybutt: so my puts finna go down today?
[+6] u/jeezuspieces: Instead of 0DTEs buy some Iranian Rial. All hail our new oil gods
[+6] u/DegenGonnaDegen: Praise be to Allah, open the ccasino!
[+6] u/Canadianinvestor1997: I love watching Tesla slowly bleed overnight into the morning
[+6] u/clubdirthill: Don’t know about you but I am holding cash on the sidelines until Wednesday
[+6] u/Fuzzy_Ad_8292: War intensifies= market goes up ig?
[+6] u/idontknow1967: Crude it positive, you know what means. Probably a pump
[+6] u/LadderAdmirable: Get as many 640 puts as you can afford lmao
[+6] u/sck178: Why SPY go down when bad/no/good news is good news?
[+6] u/Affectionate-Idea690: beliebe it or not calls biches
[+6] u/4TheGhostCat: US/Israel admitting to handing out weapons to Iranian protesters to stage a coup will probably not go over well in Iran.
[+6] u/abridges: The market is past needing a reason to pump.
[+5] u/Infamous-Mixture8278: I decided I’m going to pretend to be a bull to throw off the bots patrolling this sub LMAO
[+5] u/Valkorion335786: I think we can lower our defense spending if we replace all smoke grenades with a single vape user per soldier
If you need cover you can send out your assigned valer to blow a void of smoke, giving our soldiers a chance to retreat or advance
[+5] u/Advanced_Divide_4641: They just trying to take all our moneys man.
[+5] u/DatsMaPurse_IDKU: Imagine imagining 🫵👁️👄👁️
[+5] u/Ibpr0fin: Iran’s Revolutionary Guards say they targeted US, Israel-linked ships
Boats are being touched.
[+5] u/youdirtyhoe: Did they really try to steal the uranium?!?
[+5] u/Just_Learned_This: I read a book yesterday
[+5] u/BigBritches619: “Deal possible by Tuesday otherwise im blowing up everything”😂😂😂😂
[+5] u/nascarhero: 2 weeks to stop the spread. How many of you retards believed that?
[+5] u/browhodouknowhere: These call of duty analysts are hilarious.. like really you're an expert now? Anyways buy the dip you know the current administration leader was in the hospital over the weekend again.
[+5] u/Skilledthunder: So glad the volatile stocks I sold are soaring while the more promising ones I held are sinking
[+5] u/spellbadgrammargood: How can countries take Trump seriously when he always pushes back deadlines.
[+5] u/Status-Net2947: CEO of the Board of Peace btw.
[+5] u/OrdinaryMix4013: No way iran is this dumb to agree to a cease fire wtf
[+5] u/yoloswaggggggggg: Everything smells like toast in this market
[+5] u/deertracker2022: So SpaceX ipos then buys Tesla so the play is Tesla? It's that simple? Feel like I'm missing something here.
[+5] u/Moepenmoes: US PRESIDENT’S APRIL 6 SCHEDULE: EVENTS & BRIEFINGS
8:00 AM: Executive Time (closed press)
9:00 AM: Pool Call Time
10:00 AM: Easter Egg Roll with First Lady (South Lawn)
1:00 PM: Press Conference (on camera)
2:30 PM: Policy Meeting (closed press)
3:30 PM: Passover Greeting with Jewish leaders (closed press)
[+5] u/Red_V_Standing_By: Gonna be flat until something big happens in either direction
[+5] u/abused-throwawayy: The crash will never come yet i keep buyiNG BEAR SHIT
[+5] u/1moist-towlette: If you guys think any sort of peace deal or ceasefire is going to actually happen today or tomorrow, you're out of your minds.
[+5] u/StraitOfHummus: So looks like the 45 day ceasefire was just a concept of a framework of a mechanism of plan. Who could have guessed?
[+5] u/vermilli21: Go cash gang or be gay….tough decision today
[+5] u/Snowman33001: She didn’t support my gambling addiction, so I had to put her in the friend zone.
[+5] u/No-Relationship8261: Wait Netty hit the Pars field and we are pumping?
Allah bless America.
[+5] u/marawki: that the markets are still in green is baffling. don't come at me "markets move on long term" because long term IS bleak
[+5] u/dljmonkeyboiz: Gonna pump when 🌮 makes up another deadline for another 10 days .. won’t even wait till tomorrow. He’s gonna extend it today.
[+5] u/4TheGhostCat: Surprise announcement today, it's going to be big. - WH
[+5] u/MuchAd3474: wow its so naturally green, like its totally not manipulated in any way, it reflects current affairs transparently and fair
[+5] u/Valkorion335786: The Loser Groudon and Kyogre fans vs the Chad Rayquaza Enthusiasts
[+5] u/im-doing-it-again: Dude.. I love gold ❤️
[+5] u/Canadianinvestor1997: !banbet tsla -10% 30d
[+5] u/Ok_Dish1650: Imagine getting banned by some dumb clanker bot called "vmod" lmfaooooooooo couldn't be me
[+5] u/trent_upscale: Strait of Mar-a-lago
[+5] u/hiphopanonomos: Flat day today and tomorrow
[+5] u/NotMe357: "JUST IN: White House says TACO has not signed off on the proposed 45-day ceasefire plan."
[+5] u/Marshmallowmind2: 🥭 Ability to prop the market is impressive ngl
[+5] u/iShitBloodandCumShit: All I can say right now is spx either rockets up to 7k or rockets down to 6000.
[+5] u/whitepug: i have some olive oil in my cupboard if the market wants that
[+5] u/Disc0Disc0Disc0: Trump: 2 days to make a deal or I wipe out Iran
Trump nukes Iran because no deal is made
Market pumps 5%
Market: At least we can move on now
[+5] u/michaelis999: buls in these comments really gotta be trolling or are they just retarded
[+5] u/StockB0Y: And then tomorrow he will say there continue bombing I don't understand why the market believes him every time
[+5] u/Significant_Speed854: Damn, the bot came at you hard.
[+23] u/DealNormal8505: trump could literally get on live tv and take a shit on his desk and then nuke iran and the market would still pump
[+22] u/Less_Spare_6970: Rugged with 0 volume lmao
[+18] u/patmccock86: This is the most ridiculous market in the nation's history
[+18] u/likeabosstroll: Only took 4 months and adding $6000 to my account to go from $79000 to $80000
[+18] u/jasperCrow: Your calls are cooked 🫡
[+15] u/puts_every_day: Bols saying "not lookig good for bear", while oil is a straight rocket ship to the stratosphere must be some new kind of regarded.
[+15] u/Envirant: It's crazy how much the market dropped at $80-$90 oil, and now that it's pinned >$100 the market is acting like it's a good thing.
[+15] u/Firm_Passage_6844: how many of u are in ur office's toilet
[+14] u/the_mind_goblin1: #AMD is pumping = MARKET CRASH IMMINENT. EVERY TIME.
[+14] u/Wretched_Anon: what even is this SPY pump
[+13] u/I_work_too_much: ❌ Up
❌ Down
✅ Right
[+13] u/jazzyjjcups: Insane rug pull lmao
[+13] u/AIlZAl: 8k gained today and Im outta here
[+13] u/gigilero: Oil spiking yet market pumps b/c "ceasefire" concepts of a plan lol
[+13] u/Capable-Yak-8486: I can’t wait for when the stock market does that weird thing again where it relies on facts and data instead of tweets from a demented felon.
[+13] u/patricktu1258: Bers are right but buls are making money. That’s all I gotta say.
[+13] u/John-AtlasGames: This truce talks stuff is pure hopium. "We proposed a 45-day cease-fire in an overnight message and have not immediately heard back. So it could happen!" Meanwhile oil facilities are getting blasted to smithereens.
[+13] u/Homeless-Coward-2143: Do you want to be right or do you want to make money has never felt more true.
[+13] u/readyreadyreadyready: I just don’t see Iran backing down. Whatever this pump is will be short lived.
[+13] u/cosmicoconuts: holding puts against my will, I will hold till Wednesday 🫡
[+13] u/Dongkey_kong: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[+13] u/DriftWoodBarrel: So how the fuck you trade this shit?
[+12] u/kal14144: Port is green praise be Allah
[+12] u/Sledgahammer: Market is trying **SO HARD** to stay positive until the next programmed dump.
If they're ability to manipulate is over, it's gonna be bad. They're going to flee the sinking ship faster than you can say "circuit breaker" when the damn breaks.
[+12] u/LasyKuuga: You can literally just gaslight and lie your way to a bull market
[+12] u/redpillsbluepills: I really want to quit my job, but I’m too regarded to earn a living from this market
[+12] u/CEO-of-SOXL: Might have to flip to calls soon. This market is relentless. If nothing is bringing it down now there’s only good news left.
[+12] u/I_work_too_much: HOLY SHIT GUYS IT'S COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED FOR THEM TO LOW VOLUME PUMP THEN TURBO RUG ALL THE RETARDS I'VE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN THIS FUCKING HAPPEN. I would say they are assholes for constantly doing this but here we are being the retards that continually fall for it so I really can't blame them I guess.
[+11] u/Neverluckyinosrs: Theta wins before the day even starts
[+11] u/bigmeatbag: Market realized that semiconductors don't run on oil.
[+11] u/lendrickkvmvr: It's going to be flat today as well isn't it
[+11] u/Nemesis_171: I’m convinced the market is going up just because people want it to, completely irrespective of any macro situation
[+11] u/R3dFiveStandingBye: Well that was a fun seven minutes
[+11] u/Common_Ad_3059: Basically the market hinges a 🥭 tweeting good news or bad news. A true clown show
[+11] u/Capt_Chickenpox: As an europoor it is quite annoying not being allowed into the casino today
[+11] u/NotAFridge: Market rage bait day
[+11] u/Practical_Fix_7214: How are they pumping it like this.
Completely wiping out puts
[+11] u/AntiOriginalUsername: Does bro really have to hop on a mic and sundown for national tv every fucking day just leave my port alone.
[+11] u/kountconk: Monday fakeout. SPY 625 and QQQs 545 EOW. Calling it. Clear downtrend and below 200 SMA. Just looking for more bulls and buyers to become liquidity by mid week
[+11] u/jonnyraza27: I got out a qqq put for literally 0.00 profit , atleast I broke even
[+11] u/freshoffdablock69: Who keeps putting out the story of an Iran ceasefire when Trump has Power Plant Tuesday lined up
[+11] u/mikehoochie1234: Oh my god I sold my puts at the top
[+10] u/Key_Abroad7633: the easiest market of all time just buy calls as a deal will obviously be made
[+10] u/ThinkingOfTheOldDays: They can see what tickers you look up in the morning.
It really is all about 🫵
[+10] u/Express_Track1571: And my puts are dead
[+10] u/Bright-Revolution496: Oh, look. Another day where the market doesn’t crash. It’s almost, like, the market isn’t always about to crash imminently, or something.
[+10] u/Low_Sheepherder7990: Gonna spend all day bouncing and everyone gonna lose money again.
[+10] u/ToughVegetable2483: The market used to be based on news now it’s based on tweets
[+10] u/TippyTippyTippyTop: Got here just in time. I was almost out of retardium.
[+10] u/Opposite_Engine_6776: Yes. That’s right market. Stay flat. Kill my protective puts. After my puts expire, feel free to tank and crush all my long holdings. It’s cool.
[+10] u/nullzeroerror: High oil prices. Energy crisis = good. Everything’s fine and GOOD
[+10] u/AndThisGuyPeedOnIt: The upcoming announcement: Home Depot has sponsored the flooring in the ballroom, 5% discount on bathroom tile. SPY to rise 1% on the news.
[+10] u/EdgeLordMcGravy: Somehow stocks, oil and vix are all up lmfao this is wild
[+10] u/fire_alarmist: The world economy literally just propped by blatant lies, fake numbers and AI trading 0dte options 10000 times a second L0L
[+10] u/DealNormal8505: god i miss the brandon stock market. it was incredible. we didnt know what we had. good macro was easy to trade, and so was bad macro
[+10] u/uwu_owo_whats_this: shit wants to drop so bad
[+10] u/AncientAd3846: Know your worth king
[+9] u/I_work_too_much: On a scale where:
1 is Very Dissatisfactory
5 is Very Satisfactory
3 is neither Satisfactory nor Dissatisfactory
That shit was like a -4
[+9] u/peterpeer9: I predict the market will open 3 minutes ago
[+9] u/Smuvmuniz: This is actually insane
[+9] u/DealNormal8505: being a bear atp is a humiliation ritual
[+9] u/PlentyArmy2411: Im monitoring the situation closely
[+9] u/Lardass_Goober: From an Iranian pov, if the West doesn’t feel max economic pain from this aggression/bombing/war and learn to leave Iran alone—why would they agree to open up the strait? continuing until there’s a global recession is the best play from irans pov. Wish I would have got into oil a month ago. Too afraid of market manipulation and irrational MMs
[+9] u/gooneral_MC: open the straight of hormel before canned chili prices get too high
[+9] u/Thentherewas9: I made 268 scalping SPY. Done for the day😀
[+9] u/FartPolluter: Wall Street are looking at that *Praise be to Allah* truth social post and thinking *buy opportunity*.
[+9] u/Unemployable1593: imagine trying to trade this nonsense
[+9] u/patricktu1258: LMAO BER R SO FUCKED
[+9] u/Unique_Zucchini1041: I bought calls so now we’re going down
[+9] u/DandierChip: Taco speaking at noon today. Puts it is
[+9] u/rkillaaa: 95% of traders fail yet 100% of regards believe they can be the 5%
[+8] u/Warm_Implement3088: There's no way there's going to be a ceasefire lmao
[+8] u/rocier: you guys should really just go to the horse track
[+8] u/Apothaca: The rational market only applies in a long-term context. On a day by day basis, the market is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Who woke up this morning and thought, "Yeah..this is going well." But clearly, someone did.
[+8] u/Icommandyou: If your every post doesn’t end with praising allah what you even doing with your life
[+8] u/jasperCrow: Once gasoline pushes to $5 a gallon that should push the SPY past 700 🚀
[+8] u/potato111a: Oil mooning but stonks r green LMAO 🤌
[+8] u/Common_Ad_3059: Looks like market wants to pump to eliminate the puts 🤔
[+8] u/TheMightySet69: 25 minutes in and I haven't YOLOd yet. Is this discipline?
[+8] u/TheMightySet69: We thinking puts soon?
[+8] u/unarmed_fish: I just bought calls at top …
[+8] u/xXplainawesomeXx: Lol did we just see the trump admin manufacture a V in real time???
[+8] u/patmccock86: Who the fuck keeps pumping this dogshit?
[+8] u/Blyrone__Blashinton: Zoom out. It’s a bear world. You’re just living in it.
[+8] u/DealNormal8505: mango escalation dump at 1 followed by a taco tonight. un fucking tradable
[+8] u/Historical_Stage2622: Tupperware had filed for bankruptcy
[+7] u/Beelzebussin: Bulls 🤡🫵 enjoy another day in the retail cuck chair while all the big moves happen premarket
[+7] u/JakeTappersCat: Market will pump in the morning because bulls are morons, dump on some trump tweet about bombing iran to the Stone Age, then right before his deadline he'll announce an extension because of "negotiations" and it will pump again
[+7] u/miata_only: I just wanted to tell you guys good luck. We're all counting on you.
[+7] u/twostroke1: How can I turn retirement money into working until death money today?
[+7] u/Wild_Boy_: first time buying put how exciting
[+7] u/alithek: First move is fake. You know that.
[+7] u/plzplzplztendies: #OPEN BUL ANOOS NOT HORMUZ
[+7] u/Jarlaxle_rigged_it: Higher oil prices bullish. the higher the better
[+7] u/fire_alarmist: Spy violently rejecting the ridiculous idea that there might be a war in Ba Sing Se. Dont be ridiculous, no the global oil market is not in shambles, everything is boolish!
[+7] u/BulletPlease: Watch… puts will be destroyed with a simple, “Iran agrees to discuss peace talks and opening of the strait” — massive +1.5% in 5 mins.
🥭 and friends are loading up calls lol
[+7] u/Academic_Lock_1699: Need Oreo to release a new item so we can pump again
[+7] u/AcademicStandard3701: 🪓 🪵 🪓 🪵 chop chop chop
[+7] u/fire_alarmist: How long can we deny reality? The glorious -7% insta candle when we snap back to reality will be one for the history books.
[+7] u/rioferdy838: Let’s all fomo into space stocks
[+7] u/Due-Dirt-8428: I feel no pain anymore
[+7] u/DealNormal8505: i am as bearish as they come but ive come to accept that this iran stuff will never result in a dump. because stock people are so stupid they will just buy horrible news therefor u cannot win
[+7] u/Express_Track1571: Why is my portfolio in brackets?
[+7] u/Unusual-Exercise-462: i don’t get how it isn’t dumping
[+7] u/ShortPossession8267: This gay bear is holding
[+7] u/-IQ200: Buy the hype (pre-speech), sell the news (post-speech).
[+7] u/Impossible_Love1510: Lmao never doing puts again
[+7] u/jazzyjjcups: QQQ pumped to +90bps in a split second and then dropped to +73bps, whats going on
[+7] u/Massive-Assistant387: In the words of Elon Musk "Luck is the best superpower".
Looking for some on this crazy day.
[+7] u/StrengthIsWeakness: Bears are hoping for ww3 to save their $100 port
[+7] u/_IsNull: As much as I enjoy making money. The future looks gloomy to me with all that war, damage infra, inflation yet the market is green.
[+7] u/DealNormal8505: bears together strong
[+7] u/Equivalent-Net-1557: I’m genuinely confused
[+7] u/Samjabr: I'm taking my ball and going home.
[+7] u/-medicalthrowaway-: It’s wild how $20 used to be everything back when I was shooting dope and I still cancel a steaming service when they up my plan by a few bucks… but I don’t even blink an eye at a thousand dollar loss when trading.
[+7] u/Scalpaholic: This has gotta be the Event Horizon of an Economic Black Hole.
Historically there's no other way to explain so much distortion of everything horrible still = Bullish, except right before past plunges into Armageddon.
[+7] u/Blacksin01: BUY SELL BUY SELL BUY
[+6] u/DarkR124: It’s going to be another fucking theta day, isn’t it?
[+6] u/BazInTheOrangeRanger: Volume is embarrassingly small
[+6] u/jay4281: Amerifats about to liquidate at open to be able to afford their McDonald’s
[+6] u/poopy_wizard132: Really trying to cement that 🌮 name.
[+6] u/kodaksdad2020: Institutional oil traders said if Hormuz isn’t open by April 1 the damage will already be done
[+6] u/peterpeer9: # HELMETS ON GENTLEMEN
[+6] u/Fhyzikz: 1 min omg I missed the casino!!!
[+6] u/Effective_Swan_6466: Wife finally opened her straight of hormuz, her boyfriend got his tanker through no problem
[+6] u/Put_Er_There_Sport: What a rug pull holy damn.
[+6] u/Nemesis_171: Yo what just happened lol
[+6] u/BreadfruitOk6788: “Open the fuckin strait you bastards praise be to allah” aaand it’s green
[+6] u/Antique-Flight-5358: I give in..Bulls gonna own the day again. Fuck it
[+6] u/Grey-59throwaway: Bro its been 15 minutes 😭
[+6] u/chosimba83: The market is paralyzed until tomorrow when Orange Man either TACO's or actually follows through. Good luck figuring out which way the market moves based on the rantings of a madman.
[+6] u/WoodooRanger: Just got back from Vegas. The tables were pretty slow but the two-legged spread action was great
[+6] u/pepe_____-: it's one of those -2% days isn't it? lmao
Taco about to fuck it up and I'm so ready for it
[+6] u/utterlyirrational: weekly monday ceasefire hopium pump
[+6] u/fire_alarmist: The financial system is actually breaking. AI traded options have broken reality.
[+6] u/twenty_three_three: Day to churn exit liquidity. Dumbass traders won't sell until we are in a shitty great depression hell hole.
[+6] u/headvintner: That was a wild 5 minute candle
[+6] u/FunInteraction9796: i think bulls and bears can both agree this market fucking sucks
[+6] u/jonneh: Potential ceasefire currently at the “concept of an idea” stage per White House sources
[+6] u/thegx7: Looking for degenerate advice. What type of leaps (1DTE) should I get on SPY?
[+6] u/Fhyzikz: TSLA red every day. You love to see it
[+6] u/_Klagis: either you r shitting bricks or you have to move places
[+6] u/kemar7856: The only surefire way to sink Micron would be for me to buy it
[+6] u/Common_Ad_3059: Spy hit 660 then you can dump
[+6] u/Agitated_Garbage9404: market tanks -> straight of Hormuz going to open and iran in peace talks -> market pamps ->iran pulls out of peace talks and war is back on -> market tanks -> mango man opens his mouth and it goes down even farther -> straight of Hormuz deals and iran peace talks inbound and are successful -> market pamps -> market makers and hedge funds dump the shares on the pamp -> market dumps the next trading day
[+6] u/NoxZ: Low-volume range-bound day. Market finally stopped falling for his bullshit.
[+6] u/Ok-Piano8789: hmm i wonder if this deal, proposed by a random 3rd country, reported by The Fake Deal Guy, will end up being a dud
[+6] u/PM_me_a_nip: I used to be surprised when I lost money gambling, but now I’m just tired/annoyed
This is just giving me a real way to blame my losses. It’s doing more to stop my RH addiction than anything else. I’m in danger of becoming responsible as a result.
Bout to get a savings account and pack my lunch everyday
[+6] u/mangofruitdude: People still dont seem to understand that it is all fake... 10 institutions trade more than 70% of s&p futures volume. Hmmmmm
[+6] u/DancesWithWolvesss: High oil price + Interest rates hike + no jobs.
What will you do?
[+6] u/kodaksdad2020: I question the validity of said pump
[+6] u/Homeless-Coward-2143: Closed so many positions last week figuring we were going to get Easter weekend war and all we got is a new Allah-based meme. Worth it I guess.
[+6] u/Embarrassed-Sky6890: # You regards thought puts would work for 2 months straight LMAO
[+6] u/redpillsbluepills: Bers having a rough start to the week
[+6] u/HHDemos: wtf is happening to SPY
[+6] u/komwom: ready for liftoff. bers perishing in the flames of the thrusters
[+6] u/zuziannka: The only safe bet here is puts
[+6] u/Conscious_Bit_3656: who is holding through Trump speech today?
[+6] u/chalupabatman2404: For this admin to hate trans people so much they sure made this market turn into one
[+6] u/AcademicStandard3701: This market loves to edge bears lmao
[+6] u/DoctorMario1000: Pump the Fuckin’ Market, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell 🤡
[+6] u/DealNormal8505: cmonnnnnn iran redacted the openai data center so we can get a bigly dump on the mag7
[+6] u/Embarrassed-Sky6890: Dump for ants so my homies could get entrance liquidity
[+6] u/BDObadguy: It's nice that the market is like this because when you encounter someone who claims they daytrade it successfully on a consistent basis you automatically know they're either full of shit or have a direct line to the White House.
[+6] u/Own-Philosophy-3986: down on both calls and puts
[+6] u/Avocadonot: This is some batshit crazy price action on SPY
[+6] u/ratbaby86: from al jazeera (actually has correspondents in iran): Iran says it has formulated its response to ceasefire proposals presented by intermediaries and will not engage in direct talks while the US and Israel escalate attacks.
[+6] u/SKJ_2012: I buy puts it goes up, I buy calls it goes down
[+6] u/Warm_Implement3088: END OF THE WORLD PRICED IN! TECH ALL TIME HIGH! SANDISK IS GIVING OUT SSD'S TO THE HOMELESS
[+6] u/future2300: AMD went up 4% to just end up flat?
[+6] u/Nova-JC: Lowest volume I’ve ever seen
[+6] u/Ixorba: $ASTS is coming mothafuckas. Ripping face this year. Get with it or GTFO
[+6] u/MrYOLOMcSwagMeister: They are calling it the most suspicious theta day ever
[+6] u/Routine-Agent-160: He’s speaking at 1pm today?
[+5] u/yyn1999: Oil already recovering LMAO BOLLS
[+5] u/Intelligent-Claim193: I swear this isn’t fair I’m already down 70k which is a year salary for me amd please just fucking dump please please pleaseeee
[+5] u/anjuna-freak: Why be ber when you can just be bol
[+5] u/OftenOlives: Seems like 🥭 forgot to tell Israel about the new deadline lol buls are fuk
[+5] u/glisteningoxygen: Someone wake Mango up, its time to Tweet Idiot.
[+5] u/TheLelouchLamperouge: Upvote if you’re long USO, downvote if you’re short USO
[+5] u/longGERN: Can everyone unsubscribe to every mailing list and indicate too many emails so that these fucking idiot 2.6 gpa marketing nerd's get it in their heads that 12 emails a day is too fucking many
[+5] u/DriftWoodBarrel: The market didn't do anything all week. I think it's waiting to see what happens.
[+5] u/Negative_Dark_7008: It makes sense if you view the market as a way to parasitically take from the people
[+5] u/DealNormal8505: Breaking: A ceasfire has been bounce between iran and the us and the straight has been re opened in mangos OC headcannon
[+5] u/LasyKuuga: Everything is numbers and words before it affects you. Then it’s a tragedy
[+5] u/PaxDev: Ofc right after I buy calls 😭
[+5] u/AcademicStandard3701: And just like that volume will disappear at 10:30am 🫠 who designed this shit 💩
[+5] u/No-Pair-1496: Putting my kid college fund into spy puts today
Little John will be rich or will work on McDonald’s forever
[+5] u/kal14144: We have to invent a new color for greener than green
[+5] u/Weak_Animator: This is why having a President who was mute was better than one who just dementia rambles.
[+5] u/bb483: “Analysts and economists have big egos, which just gets in the way of making money because they can never admit that they are wrong.” sounds like a certain animal to you?
[+5] u/killainvest: I sold so it can go to the shadow realm for all I care
[+5] u/Zoloft5250: OIL?!?! Bitch, you cooking???
[+5] u/fire_alarmist: Another classic surprise Mango press release schedued as a stock market filibuster. DO NOT TRADE. YOU WILL BE THETA GRAPED AND YOUR ANUS WILL BE WIDENED SUBSTANTIALLY.
[+5] u/DealNormal8505: markets gotta dump a good amount again to get a mango manipulation tweet
[+5] u/manginamonologues: I'm definitely super straight
[+5] u/jasperCrow: Bol, you delusional idiot. Oil is not coming down. Market is not going to pump.
[+5] u/bb483: Lmao Bearsjust want to be right, they’re not too concerned with the making money part
[+5] u/Smuvmuniz: Gross how is this still green
[+5] u/Common_Ad_3059: Spy to 662 eod, if reversal spy 650 eod
[+5] u/tsunamiwaves_: im tired of microsoft man
[+5] u/SavingsMortgage1972: Did my first small 0dte trade I feel so alive
[+5] u/Commercial_Seat_3704: MSFT is such dog shit
[+5] u/gavbot_1213: Bring it back down to 650
[+5] u/trsx5: Sit in your positions kinda day
[+5] u/General-Elk-6537: Market said fuck your feelings
[+5] u/fire_alarmist: It really is the final countdown huh? Literally the oil shorters and the SPY pumpers battling to the death and they will only stop when one is liquidated. We are having a global financial war right now....
[+5] u/jiggolo420: That "Power plant day.." tweet was basically the old man yells at cloud meme
[+5] u/derprondo: If they attack that OpenAI datacenter in Dubai, it’s going to be the black swan that unwinds the data center debt and blows up the market. I’m sure they know this which is why they said it.
[+5] u/swagmans69: Just bought a full sized sex doll with my tax refund.
[+5] u/jasperCrow: Bol actually think it’s going to be green a second day in a row with oil climbing still?…..
[+5] u/StrongPangolin3: cnbc seem like the have a predication market conflict of interest problem.
[+5] u/Afraid_Contest_6769: YALL BETTER BUY CALLS OR GET LEFT BEHIND
[+5] u/Warm_Implement3088: I can only double down on my puts so many times hahahahahah
[+5] u/Longjumping-One-7022: Could you imagine bombing a country so hard and then just still losing lol. Can this dude do anything right? 🤣
[+5] u/CLYDEFR000G: This is going nowhere. If you think this was a pump lmao. Shit is dead and we will continue to go down this week.
[+5] u/Late_Emu5833: We will tank after 10am
[+5] u/General-Elk-6537: Literally the world could have a death clock and it'll pump 50%
[+5] u/angrybubblez: I full ported puts in the spike. I might need to borrow a few dollars from bulls depending how the day goes
[+5] u/jazzyjjcups: Oof, the market just remembered the war isn't over
[+5] u/Responsible-Rip8793: I just remembered something I have completely forgotten about since 2025…
Does DD still exist? 🧐 🤔 🤨 Not that ChatGPT crap. That doesn’t count
[+5] u/Top-Meaning2626: You crazy fucking bastard
[+5] u/rampagepete: US bombed a University killed 34
[+5] u/PESSl: May Allah strike down all bearfidels with all his might
[+5] u/Weak_Emu3659: 3h ago
"Dumb bulls, you dumb sacks of worthless shit!!!!"
[+5] u/caliwillbemine: Oil up. Stocks up. Tech up big. In an environment where you won’t be able to afford physical goods: stay at home, watch Netflix, use AI. 📈📈📈
[+5] u/Eddyrancid: This recovery benefits me, but it doesn't make it any less baffling.
With his freakish Easter posting I thought we'd open down around 1%
[+5] u/Some_Hall_2797: Accidentally did a call instead of put
[+5] u/NoodHigga69: Praying for total economic collapse
[+5] u/timetopractice: Imagine thinking today will be green
[+5] u/General-Elk-6537: Too many Calls, shit gone tank
[+5] u/PyloPower: It feels like Iran thinks they just have to survive until the memes win. They are forgetting the meme economy can stay irrational as long as we have Taco Tuesdays and Taco Fridays.
[+26] u/Most-Crazy2353: This market is so fucking retarded
[+20] u/EasySunday: This board used to be wild degenerates throwing out their bets but now its just
"Burrs R dumb"
"Stoopid bols rlly thought"
It's kind of cringe.
[+20] u/r4rLIC: bro just take the L and leave Iran
[+19] u/Illimited_Esoterica: Iran rejected a ceasefire and demands the US surrender. What a wild timeline.
[+18] u/CUbuffGuy: I can't tell if I'm too retarded or not retarded enough for this market
[+17] u/Aware_Ad9729: US loses eight planes, Trump goes insane, and markets are up? Y’all are special
[+16] u/Agitated-Lobster-623: If you guys want peace the market has to crash. Americans care about money and money alone. 🥭 will not do the correct thing for ethical reasons, he will only do the right thing when he feels the consequences. Unfortunately we've gone too long being separated from the consequences of our actions. Things will get worse and worse if we continue to live in deliberate optimistic ignorance.
[+15] u/PocaMadre69: I’d ask what’s holding this up but it’s obvious fraud and market manipulation to keep things propped up
[+14] u/Typical-Layer-1253: PLEASE CRASH I WANT TO BUY STOCKS ONLY AFTER A CRASH
[+14] u/jg0nzalez22: Why is it so hard for this market to just tank! Holy shit!
[+14] u/Soft_Walrus_3605: Trump's "red line" will likely be moving again at 1pm
[+14] u/drbigtoe: praise be to allah am i right fellas?
[+13] u/ViridianEight: There could be 1000 nukes flying at the united states and the market would chop up 1%
[+13] u/Typical-Layer-1253: PLEASE CRASH I SOLD ALL MY STOCKS LAST WEEK BECAUSE 🥭 IS AN IDIOT
[+13] u/peanuts-in-my-jelly: another -2% day would actually be pretty funny
[+12] u/spellbreaker: Just ripped +500% on 0dte AAPL 262.5 calls in 20 minutes, and I'm out boys.
[+12] u/TrumpsCummyOnahole: HOW IS IT NOT -3% AFTER IRAN REJECTED, LITERALLY THIS ENTIRE RALLY HAS BEEN ON HOPES OF A CEASEFIRE
[+12] u/ChampagnePapi-: Trump is gonna be retardmaxxing at 1PM EST, market will drop, EXIT NOW
[+12] u/NOT_A_OFFICER: spy was at like 490 around this time last year
[+12] u/Godzilla_slayer: Fuk your puts fuk your calls.
[+12] u/wallstreetdiva37: Believe it or not, still calls.
[+12] u/illicit_FROG: So president tweeting, "praise allah" no effect on markets.... Noted lol
[+12] u/stonetrade: Believe it or not I just made $8
[+12] u/Think_Currency_8586: I’m convinced stock market is more rigged than a casino
[+11] u/Sweaty-Survey-9804: My 650 puts about to print
[+11] u/Extension-Ad917: This is getting a bit ridiculous
[+11] u/FullCopy: Breaking: Iran rejects Bols dreams of making money today.
[+11] u/ProudPeak3570: BREAKING: US in talks with Iran on drafting a deal to make a deal
[+11] u/Pretend_Total5864: Has there ever been a market more manipulated than now ?
[+11] u/leave-mealone: SPY unable to test the 200 SMA. Now Iran rejecting ceasefire and CPI schedule on Friday. Good luck fellas! 😬
[+11] u/TheBlueBlaze: Iran gains nothing from a ceasefire at this point. They're more likely to set themselves up as the gatekeepers of the strait, letting allied ships pass, attacking ships from the countries attacking them, and charging a toll for everyone else.
It's a form of compromise that puts the rest of the world in a tough spot: Either accept the new concessions that have to be made to resume trade, or enter a new middle east conflict that was started without your say, has no end in sight, and might not even keep the involvement of the military that started it.
[+11] u/cryptohomunculus: If you bring a gun to McDonalds they give you anything on the menu for free
[+11] u/GreatRegard: Flat until the fat turd speaks?
[+11] u/Unique_username93_: This is a very low volume pump
[+10] u/Hot_Avocado_2701: Worst day to trade, everything too high to go long but too risky to short now
[+10] u/Gothams_Bat: Say tuned for your regularly programmed scheduling: dump.
[+10] u/PocaMadre69: We’re really up half a percent today, every rally is dumber than the one that came before it
[+10] u/Largeshmarge: 200% up - 0% in 3 seconds
[+10] u/thehust: Iran asked 1000 McDonald's to be built around the country as ceasefire demand.
Trump denied
No idea why
[+10] u/svpa3991: Iran rejects ceasefire
Mango: stop being cute, you now have an extra day to find your head again or else!
[+10] u/drbigtoe: Yeah can I get uhhhh double triple bossy deluxe on a raft, 4x4 animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim
[+10] u/RockinOutCockOut: 🥭 is going to want to pump this bitch today as much as possible to give some buffer room for the catastrophe tomorrow
[+10] u/RansomeRandom: Spy trading like every baccarat table I sit at
[+10] u/callsfordays: Believe it or not— rope
[+10] u/Manre831: It was just a picture of you.
[+9] u/Mountain_Tune_7092: Love that spy only goes down when retail can't trade then pumps harder than my wife's bf at open
[+9] u/Urzuck: Don't understimate the power of pure retardation of this market.
[+9] u/PocaMadre69: Remember when futures were down 1% overnight because we did a literal black hawk down in Iran
[+9] u/Necessary-Lychee-486: I am so over this clown market. How are you even supposed to make money without insider info?
[+9] u/Fast-Steak-7730: These quick dump and buys in 1 min candle is crazy
[+9] u/Ok_Wealth_3433: I’m sensing something big is about to happen
[+9] u/WendyDumpsterFire: https://www.benton.org/headlines/us-government-seeks-limit-access-iran-satellite-imagery
There are multiple companies the admin is trying to get to stop publishing daily satellite images, while it may be opsec it’s also likely to hide what’s going on, since this admin id the proclaimed most transparent in history
Hmm market is flat and up
[+9] u/_lueless: You guys making me hungry with all this talk of cheesefire
[+9] u/Typical-Layer-1253: CRASH CRASH CRASH PLEASE
[+9] u/Mr-Bonnet: MM ARE LITERAL REGARDS
[+9] u/PocaMadre69: Shameless propping up of the markets, shameless nonsense longs
[+9] u/SadPhilosophy9202: 2026 boutta be the last year of the middle class
[+9] u/TacticalTackleBox: Mangos market fuckin' sucks
[+9] u/RalphaDog: I’m starting to think we are operating in a completely fraudulent system
[+9] u/Wrath_FMA: I didn't believe they could pump on bullshit a 4th day, I was wrong
[+8] u/Icy-Leave-9111: Bought puts last week and lost so I bought calls today morning and lost again.
[+8] u/skychief99: 38 hours to go until Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! LOL 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
[+8] u/Free-Championship828: Sidelines is comfy as hell my boi.
[+8] u/yushey__: Comfort is for the poor
[+8] u/Powerful_Rub_4051: America posturing and getting bullied by Iran is hilarious
[+8] u/DisgrunltedDan: Praise be to theta !!!!
[+8] u/Electronic-Tax-1641: Tesla just loss maxing
[+8] u/TargetDreams: No wonder I’ve been feeling shit the last couple weeks. Gooning 3 times a day is not good for your mental health. Gone one day without and already feeling 10x better
[+8] u/KachThebest69: everyones getting theta'd to the stone ages once again
[+8] u/Pale-Silver-8178: economy is fked, my port is fked, life is fked
[+8] u/Think_Currency_8586: Can we get a “war over” tweet??
[+8] u/Full_Ad_6502: Lol some of you are really trying to fight the insiders instead of riding the wave
[+8] u/cinciNattyLight: Spacex IPO: Reports indicate that banks and advisors working on the deal are being asked by Musk to subscribe to Grok (his AI chatbot from xAI) as a condition of their involvement. Some firms have allegedly agreed to spend "tens of millions" on these subscriptions to secure their spot in the syndicate…
Uhhh how the fuck is that allowed?
[+8] u/xShiftfaced: lol did he delete that truth he posted?
[+8] u/slimeystevebob: Gee, I wonder why a cease-fire with Israel is not an attractive proposition
[+8] u/sir_dreads: That’ll be a medium sprite and a large fries bub
[+8] u/Spiritual_Taste_1253: Market has decided no more money for retail.
Only chops for the market makers
[+8] u/ChampionshipOdd947: The bear market cycle never fails, does it? Bad thing happens, market crashes a bit, people panic sell, then wait for it to bottom out, then they think they see signs of a bottom so they start buying in, then others FOMO in because they're afraid of missing buying the bottom, so market pops up, only to crash back down again even further because the thing that made it start crashing in the first place is still a problem, and the people who bought the dip way too early sell because now they're afraid they bought too close to the top, and the market crashes even more, until we reach a real bottom. SMH every single time. People never change.
[+8] u/TomatoSpecialist6879: The silently angry bers downvoting everything pretty much tells you why the market is rallying lmao
[+7] u/TyroneSwoopes: Totally normal movement on spy today. Nothing to see here.
[+7] u/tgff333: Headline fatigue is real
[+7] u/OptionGamble: Bulls whooped my ass today
[+7] u/Awake_Beast616: The problem is basically that Wall Street doesn't actually necessarily care about stocks going up or not. What they care about is destroying volatility as thoroughly as possible. They will employ massive algorithmic attacks to slowly ratchet bids to keep markets moving up and to the right just enough that your calls don't pay out, your puts get destroyed, and that people feel safe investing all their wages into a Ponzi scheme and they can continue to collect their commission fees for telling people to invest 90% into VOO.
And then on top of all that you have an entire ecosystem of parasites selling every single volatility uptick they can because VIX Always Goes Back Down, which is another suppressive effect on actual price discovery. Eventually it all blows up but not before all your trades are worthless.
This is a big part of why *every single red candle* gets an immediate V reversal, like we saw just now.
[+7] u/PositiveEdge4361: My great aunt just generalized all of us saying oh you stock market guys you’re just all about making money but I really am not, I don’t make any money
[+7] u/OverallPreparation65: If instead of trading options you were dollar cost averaging every 69 seconds today you would be up 6900%. Grow up.
[+7] u/MasterElite1: THE WAR WILL NOT END UNTIL THE DEBT IS DEVALUED
[+7] u/saw-it: If I had puts, spy would've broken ath already
[+7] u/LongNVDA: Oil will go stratospheric regardless of whether the war ends today or in a year and it will hurt the middle class a hell of a lot more than they are ready for
[+7] u/BagHoldersOfAmerica: Motley fool money saying SNDK could go on a huge bull run. Mother Fucker you are a year late you worthless bag dumping on retail association. The second they mention anything it's over
[+7] u/pussinbuuts: PUMP you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH!
Praise be to Allah
[+7] u/Jealous_Archer_4522: I knew there was a reason they sent a rocket back to the moon. They're getting ready to leave us retards behind aren't they?
[+7] u/angusjones1: Prepare for a huge "sell the news" event at exactly 1:10 pm today regardless of whatever the fuck the news is.
[+7] u/Extension-Ad917: This looks like a perfect setup for an incredible rug pull
[+7] u/Napster-mp3: This market is more confusing than women
[+7] u/Now_Biff_Dont_Con_Me: After all, why not? Why shouldn’t I make a good faith violation?
[+7] u/RockinOutCockOut: 🥱 wake me up when the market gets aroused
[+7] u/browsk: Oof that looks violent
[+7] u/TreeofLibertyFood: Just ban options trading bro. MMs getting too fat on our degeneracy.
[+7] u/tgff333: Spy. It's giving .... Unstable
[+7] u/Electronic-Tax-1641: Someone must know something cause why are we pumping
[+7] u/OldWallaby4822: Am I in the Twilight Zone right now? Is Trump not real? Is the war not real? Is the market not real?
[+7] u/Competitive-Water944: BER TOUGHER THAN NIGERIAN HAIR
[+7] u/Fluid_Jackfruit: Market completely detached from reality
[+7] u/dontlikeyacutG: Don’t worry bers I got some calls, ur welcum
[+7] u/PocaMadre69: Quick look! The dumbest bounce on SPY you’ve ever seen! For the 69th time in a row!
[+7] u/_lueless: Praise the Allah, raise my Mullah
[+7] u/Oldschoolhype2: Epstein class pegging SPY? I'm shocked. /s
[+6] u/Cheeseheroplopcake: There was a limited nuclear exchange between India and Pakistan. 200,000 US service members are desperately trying to get a foothold in Iran.
$SPY + 0.03%
[+6] u/JellyfishLarge3794: "Never bet against USA and bers r fuk" - founding fathers
[+6] u/TomatoSpecialist6879: Iran rejects temporary ceasefire proposals, believe it or not calls
[+6] u/Worth_Transition5188: Get ready for spy to skyrocket 🚀
[+6] u/Emotional_Tie_7927: Someone trying to pump their bags again
[+6] u/Technical_Scallion_2: Guess someone in the White House pre-leaked the "I have decided to grant Iran another 30 days as peace talks are going well!" announcement
[+6] u/PocaMadre69: Dumbest fucking rallies of all time fuck bulls and cheap money junkies
[+6] u/big_chestnut: why am i so gay and retarded i don't even care about losing money but not to these damn manipulators
[+6] u/hunnna: I have altered the deal! Pray I do not alter it further (I will)!
[+6] u/slimeystevebob: "market will never fall again" sure sounds like "new paradigm"
[+6] u/ZealousidealSector19: Here me out.... What if it is all just computer?
[+6] u/Joij21: My gawd this market is delusional for believing 🥭 once again. How many times do these old mms need to learn their lesson???
[+6] u/Ok-Art6659: SPY dump at 11 and die at 13
[+6] u/CUbuffGuy: Market didn't give a fuck about Iran's denial of ceasefire lol, kinda wild. I guess taco is too strong
[+6] u/datrades: So uhh when dump or pump? 1pm?
[+6] u/dbd209: I get the logic behind thinking the market should go down with oil going up, global uncertainty, inflation uncertainty, but at some point you have to look at how the market reacts to bad news and adjust. Buying any sort of downside protection works for maybe a day or two, before getting absolutely obliterated. This market is built up on so much bullshit and buy the dip energy, I don't see any reason not to buy calls whenever we have any sort of dip. These past couple of years have been exhausting to say the least, for anyone who tries to look at the world and markets with a modicum of practicality and reason.
[+6] u/Such_Coin: 🥭ON IRAN: UNFORTUNATELY AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT TO SEE US COME HOME
🤷🏼♂️
[+6] u/LarsTarkas: Stop it spy, your price action is scaring the hoes
[+6] u/Anonymustafar: Does anyone actually know what we are demanding from Iran like I’m not entirely sure what the plan is here
[+6] u/LongNVDA: DRAFTS OF A CONCEPT OF A POTENTIAL FRAMEWORK OF A POSSIBLE POTENTIAL DEAL MIGHT BE VERY LIKELY IN THE MAKING - THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
[+6] u/Skylake1987: they bought? dump it.
[+6] u/thejourneymanfm2024: Iran said “no” to the ceasefire and SPY is still green… makes perfect sense
[+6] u/Immediate-Coast-5066: ply market ceasefire odss 7% for apr 7 , 17% for apr 15 - retail doesnt seem cease fire will happen
More sure this pump is not retail traders ,MM's trying to prime the market
[+5] u/brownboy223: Virgin Galactic ifykyk
[+5] u/djklmnop: Man, who the hell is propping up this market? My 1 contract sure as hell isn't.
[+5] u/solidsneeze: are we living in hell yet?
[+5] u/arbitraryBlue: This price action is making me thirsty
[+5] u/Small-Maintenance-65: Would be hilarious of a ceasefire agreement ignited the next leg down
[+5] u/Proinvestor_: trumps 48 hour ultimatum just expired at 10:05 AM EST
[+5] u/dontslambro: Trying to time SPY going down a couple more dollars to buy back in.
[+5] u/BlazinLeo: No one, my puts are propping it up
[+5] u/Cold_Distribution273: This market has no choice but to pump until shit hits the fan to prevent a total collapse. Now if we go down 3% after striking power plants we'll be right back at 630. No biggie.
[+5] u/hermeskino715: I swear this market just finds any excuse to do anything
[+5] u/EntrepreneurOld7858: Bro the media's out here with these half assed Tesla articles claiming it'll go down 60% this year because car sales are down?
Level with me, its been barely profitable in the first place. *NOW* the media wants to worry about that? Im skeptical.
[+5] u/OkAlternative7705: Glad I didn’t buy apply puts. SHIT IS VERTICAL LINE UP WTF
[+5] u/RollofDuctTape: Whatever bought puts because this is very fake. See you after lunch.
[+5] u/big_chestnut: if i lose $1300 but make back $500 am i still gay
[+5] u/bigstew6: Deal being struck later tonight
[+5] u/IndividualNo7155: Gonna go home and poop soon, will keep u guys updated
[+27] u/Worth-Walk6265: Monday 1pm: "They want to make a deal so desperately, perhaps more than anything we've ever seen."
Tuesday 8am: Axios: potential breakthrough, according to high-level sources (Witkoff whispering to Barak Ravid)
Tuesday 9am: Iran rejects ceasefire proposal.
Tuesday lunch: Trump says no extension on deal, last chance by 8pm
Tuesday 6.30pm: "given Iran's willingness to make a deal, I am hereby extending the deadline until next Monday"
Clockwork.
[+26] u/Sharp-Direction-6894: Iran needs to just accept a deal. They're going to keep getting hit with deadline extensions if they don't.
[+24] u/dokutarodokutaro: The average American would probably nuke the 8.7 million civilians in Tehran if it made gas 30 cents cheaper.
[+20] u/31andnotdone: i dont want to buy puts. i just want to be loved.
[+18] u/Amphiscian: "Ceasefire News" this morning, and what it turned out to be:
Pakistan: Can yall please just stop for 2 seconds?
USA: No
Israel: No
Iran: No
[+18] u/deevee12: "Iran has ignored our deadline for the last time. Clearly they are frozen in awe of our military might and have no clue how to respond! Thanks to our total victory I see no need to continue this operation, and have made the decision to withdraw all our forces from the region. Thank you for your attention to this matter!"
[+16] u/Low_Programmer1814: I wish I had stopped trading ever since the war started..
[+15] u/ShroomGrown: 🥭 going after bridges and power plants... I guess it is finally infrastructure week.
[+15] u/hoidzaheer777: TODAY COULD HAVE BEEN A EMAIL
[+15] u/Habefiet: they’re eating the oil, they’re eating the helium
[+15] u/ALittleWorseEveryday: 1:00: “first off- fuck your bitch and the clique you claim. Your calls and puts are fucked. Eat shit, you pathetic brokie. Silly to think you could have outsmarted me”
[+15] u/JakeColorCarton: Everyone bullish on trump's speech, so puts?
[+15] u/sonofalando: One boat goes through Hormuz
Market +5%
🤡🤡🤡
[+15] u/Jesus__Skywalker: I member when they said Trump was gonna be good for the economy.
[+14] u/Affectionate-Tax9885: They're not even negotiating. Just passing a set of unworkable demands and conditions back and forth
[+14] u/Jupitersd2017: Trump holding the market hostage with this midday bs press conference, I’m sure he will be 45 min late to it as well and then just blather on about ballrooms and autopens
[+14] u/Extension-Change-441: speech will be another round table of sucking up to 🥭 and then some random domestic issue no one cares about. maybe sprinkle a controversial truth post after.
[+14] u/softboiledjadepotato: It's wild to think, I kinda had a life before options. Kinda
[+13] u/sandygws: I'm a permabull but SPY seriously needs to revisit 600 and get this shit over.
[+13] u/bobbyd121: hm...polymarket chances of april invasion shot to 99% today
[+13] u/Reynhart: Now coming to a theater near you! "Liberation Day II: It takes two to TACO"
[+12] u/cat_herder4: We know 🥭wants to taco. But Iran doesn't. They are going to force him to act or look weak.
[+12] u/Illustrious_Job1951: NEVER use margin, >!only use butter :)!<
[+12] u/Jdom666: i’m getting to the age where i just want to be held and snuggled
[+12] u/binge100: Bro this dumbass market would probably spike on news of launching nukes, it’s all nonsense
[+11] u/NeedToMakeMoneyz: This market is staying IRRATIONAL
[+11] u/cinecoinstudios: Puts look like free money… calls it is
[+11] u/Mediocre_Pangolin572: THIS IS BORING AS FUCK JUST DUMP IT ALREADY AND BE DONE
[+11] u/XXX_KimJongUn_XXX: Ask yourself what is the optimal outcome for Iran.
As long as the war is ongoing they can destroy all of the infrastructure of their competitors in the oil industry, they can hold the oil market hostage to breakdown resistance to tolling the strait later, they can deal with their internal legitimacy crisis more easily, the admin keeps giving them benefits like unsanctioning them and Russia making them more money. If this continues for months or even years Iran will be the **only significant oil producer** in the middle east, they'll have a monopoly over tolls and dominance over Saudi, Iraq and the gulf states.
As opposed to ending this quickly and letting their competitors rebuild and having the USA+Israel bomb them again in a year. There is just so much money to be made by keeping this going there is literally no upside to going along with the taco. Launchers, soldier and even politicians are replaceable. Whoever winds up alive after this all over is going to be the most powerful person in the middle east, whether thats a senior leader or junior officer every bombing is a promotion opportunity towards incredible power and riches.
/CL 200 within 3 months.
[+11] u/RisingToMediocrity: SPY is up, oil is up. What’s not to love. Bullish on life and the economy.
[+11] u/Thisispaartaaa: Iran rejects ceasefire...so what the fuck is this idiot going to say at 1pm? Guy can only sugar coat it so much before people start realizing that Iran is pissed, and they are going out swinging. Ask the Ukrainians what happens when you are determined to fight on, even when faced with enormous odds. (4 years and counting)
[+11] u/SmoothOperator423: Mr 🥭 Theta Gang has been making WMDs, Weapons of Mass Decay
[+11] u/Aware-Teacher5389: Better chance of WW3 than a ceasefire.
[+11] u/PositiveToe2761: I’m not saying prediction markets mean anything but 56% on the word ground in 🥭s press conference for the word “ground” is concerning
[+11] u/grimandnordic1: I gotta be honest I am gambling way too much dough today
[+11] u/Ok_Advantage_8153: Out of the money SPY calls cheap.
Out of the money SPY puts not cheap.
I wonder where the MM's think things are going?
[+11] u/xlmtothemoon: FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE
[+10] u/doctorqaz: If you cut TSLA in half. It is still overvalued. LMAO
[+10] u/dokutarodokutaro: Imagine if you could fail at your job and in a meeting with your supervisor you just say “talks are going well.” And you get a raise.
[+10] u/Ferret_Rough: In bers minds right now we are -1% red today and -17% YTD
[+10] u/Subject_Delay5447: Based on current estimates, this Iranian tollbooth could be making around $110B a year, which would put its DCF valuation at roughly $2.2T
[+10] u/AutomaticAerie4672: nobody is spending millions of $ just to shake out your $100 worth of options, you're just bad at trading
[+10] u/WasV3: The market is staying up because long term investors realize that we're set for a 10% bump once the war ends, you don't need to time the bottom, you just need to be close enough that you come out ahead
[+10] u/ItsDaManBearBull: Drill team 6 you are cleared to engage. Eliminate all hostiles.
[+10] u/shmito17: “I’d take the oil. I’d keep the oil. I would make plenty of money”
A lot of ‘I’’s
[+10] u/ManyManufacturer6090: Fml bro, this shit can never go one direction
[+9] u/TechnologyEven6926: You’re trading against yourself at the moment
Zero volume
[+9] u/Bloomeyer: i need some plays other than spy. i fucking hate spy. just takes the joy out of everything
[+9] u/Low_Programmer1814: What the fuck is this?
[+9] u/RED-DOT-MAN: Deal rejected - Reuters just reported
[+9] u/Automatic-Article747: trump going to come out pissed and tank this for real
[+9] u/would-rather-read: the white house is live right now and the crowd is chanting “four more years” so that’s how it’s going
[+9] u/nick8852: Ripley’s believe it or not! Calls edition
[+9] u/dokutarodokutaro: It is pretty funny his number one promise was to lower everyday prices and his means of doing so were to lower prices of gas lol.
[+9] u/PretendAgency2702: End the day at -1%. Book it
[+9] u/ilikemgs: Employee: “Hey boss I need more hours, things are getting expensive and I need more money”
Me: “Sure brother there’s 2 extra shifts per week if you’d like, even during your preferred hours too!”
Employee: calls out for both shifts and complains he wants a raise
Lololol bro you’re about to get fired
[+9] u/bigchodeenergyy: Idk man puts are looking pretty juicy rn 👀
[+9] u/eyerollingsex: Have come to the conclusion that people don’t really care anymore
Iran war… give it a few days and people don’t care
Epstein files…. give it a few days and people don’t care
[+9] u/zestykite: spending 100 on gas every week. spending 60 for dinner for 2 every time going out. who can sustain this shiet?
[+9] u/ManyManufacturer6090: I can’t take anymore rejection
[+9] u/bearhunter429: #Sometimes I wish Al Gore never invented internet LMAO🤌
[+9] u/GuiltyShirt3771: Vix up and stonk up. Bol be careful
[+9] u/Unlikely_Proof_7772: Don’t do it bro too risky
[+8] u/Bernardhops2: He just basically said if it was up to him he’d take all of irans oil, but the American people wouldn’t understand and want us home, he’s going to put this loss on the American people not on him.
[+8] u/VariousScenes: Why is market acting as if armageddon isn't scheduled for tomorrow?
[+8] u/absolutxtr: “They’ll have no bridges, no power plants. They’ll have nothing. I won’t go further because there are other things that are worse than those, too,”
talks going well everyone! SPY to the MOON!!!
[+8] u/Pause-Green: imagine he doesnt move the market at all and we are still flatlined
[+8] u/centered_chaos: If we break SPY 655, we're going to 647 today...
[+8] u/lococommotion: Ok here comes the real dip
[+8] u/BillyShears2015: My trading strategy simple, every night I shot gun two beers, down two shots, and immediately rip a blinker. Then I let the spirits of my ancestors tell me what to buy
[+8] u/NativePlant870: Lowest volume I’ve seen in a while
[+8] u/Garbage-Disposal-938: Ukraine keeps attacking Russian oil refineries and terminals with drones. Sometimes these attacks are 600 miles away from the Ukraine / Russia border. These Ukrainian made drone swarms just fly right over Russia.
If after several years Russia still cannot bomb the shit out of all Ukrainian drone factories, how will we be able to bomb the shit out of Iranian drone/missile factories?
This war could go on for a long time.
[+8] u/cbusoh66: 🥭today: "We may or may not have a deal. All their leaders are dead, so we really don't know who's making decisions, but it sounds like we may have a deal, or it could be no deal, who knows..."
Bloomberg or WSJ immediately publish: "Trump Signals Ceasefire Deal Within Reach"
Algos pick it up. Market pumps 3%
[+8] u/Apple2o: Bag holding intensifies
[+8] u/StopAndThinkPleaseTy: I urinate in sinks, and I'm not sorry about it.
[+8] u/NotRobotNFL: There’s a press conference at 1:00pm today, right?
[+8] u/KissMyRichard: Good day for Puts.
Everyone thinks markets will bounce because of a rumor on the war ending, but stocks are still way overpriced and bond yields seem to be unstoppable which tells me a recession or worse is inevitable.
[+8] u/Traditional-Koala927: Doubling down means I'm only down ten percent from twenty percent !
[+8] u/Happy-n-Healthy: WH now says we could get a rate cut due to AI making productivity increase.....LMAO
[+7] u/kawkface: FLASH CRASH RYE NAOOOOOO
[+7] u/ManyManufacturer6090: Hard stuck under 658. This is gonna dump
[+7] u/Mediocre-Gas-3831: If you say no to gaysex then you are artificially cutting your potential dating pool in half.
[+7] u/Senpai_Slime: Plot twist, Iran tollbooth IPOs and the dividends are the most stable cornerstone of the future market, leading to a new financial crisis 20 years later
[+7] u/Star_Lord924: Waiting till 12:58 and then buying a handful of 661c
[+7] u/lococommotion: Soon as he opens his mouth we are crashing to the abyss
[+7] u/PoliticsIsDepressing: Bols, these are the lamest rallies.
[+7] u/ShikariV: Barak Ravid is definitely on the WH payroll
[+7] u/Ok-Bumblebee1526: Where the fuck is the volume on SPY?
[+7] u/Kattilaeikka: 🥭 should threaten Iran with the ultimate weapon: Naming himself as the leader of Iran. 🥭 would drive that country into the ground in weeks.
[+7] u/kim82352: > JPMorgan slapped a $145 price target on TSLA (Sell rating), calling ~60% downside, after Tesla missed Q1 deliveries by ~7,600 units and built a 50,000-unit inventory surplus.
[+7] u/soyeahiknow: Whatever Israel says
[+7] u/Hot-Ambassador8740: If you’re not full porting calls at 1, idk what to tell you
[+7] u/NeedToMakeMoneyz: Speech will be typical bullshit he’s said the whole time right?
[+7] u/Initial_Ad_9250: If you're in your 40s and gonna bring up yer undergrad university in every second sentence, you look weird bro.
Absolute market maker behavior
[+6] u/CardiologistEqual336: mango will be late by ~7hrs
[+6] u/PopularCut4124: Do people really still think it’s ending soon or are they just pretending to to pump the market short term. It will just make the drop more painful if so
[+6] u/knoqd_: > 🚨IRAN REJECTS A CEAESFIRE IN REPLY TO US VIA PAKISTAN: IRNA
[+6] u/tombrady011235: Is there any actual strategy in iran
[+6] u/Agreeable-Spare9195: Glad I didn’t get involved in this shit show today.
[+6] u/FearlessStatement144: They won’t let it drop. They won’t let it fly.
[+6] u/OneLongjumping5743: buy stock, stock dump, stock then comes back to 5% under where you buy, never go higher. such is life
[+6] u/ManyManufacturer6090: My calls are so fucked it’s not even funny
[+6] u/Numerous-Stand-1841: Just crash already what is this dick tugging back and forth?
[+6] u/dyshynky: You had me at dick tugging back and forth
[+6] u/smellyfingernail: I CANNOT WORK WITHOUT CLAUDE CODE SOMEONE FIX IT
[+6] u/Thisispaartaaa: At what point do markets start to realize, that no matter what the prez says or does today, or tomorrow, economic destruction has already occurred, the markets just haven't figured it out yet. Holding on to strings when somebody says "we'll be done in a couple weeks, talks are ongoing, we might be negotiating etc..."...markets will eventually figure out that the next 3-6 months (assuming war ends today) is going to be economically a nightmare, and chances of a GLOBAL recession are quite elevated now.
[+6] u/Hopeful_Sounds: The obvious play is puts therefore I should buy calls
[+5] u/Outside-Cow9097: Sup guys. My pup got diagnosed w/ lymphoma and I'm about to full port on something so I can hopefully treat him with chemo
Please talk me into or out of it
[+5] u/blackfarms: Dead everywhere. Folks are sitting this out.
[+5] u/okbetokbetokbet: why is the market set up like a fucking web of powder kegs lmao
[+5] u/orangeyougladiator: That tweet the other day about literally doing the opposite was so correct
[+29] u/davidbigham: After years of trading, i found out i am good at one thing.
I am good at losing money.
[+22] u/PropheticMurmurs: SPY is moving like VIX is at 12 and it’s just a casual Monday with nothing going on in the world.
[+20] u/Red_Zone_Broly: #White House Press Conference set for 1PM EST
🥭 to announce 18th victory of Iran war
[+19] u/Economisty: Trump is going to talk about the rescued pilot in terms that make it sound like he was controlling special forces using a PS5 controller on Call of Duty.
"Some say it was the greatest military victory since Germany took Poland."
Watch.
[+17] u/ideletedmyaccount04: Dude if picking the wrong entry point was a sport.
I am Michael Phelps.
[+16] u/Frosty-Pea-4577: Boots on the ground +2%
Straight of America +3%
TACO +5%
wanna see my giant ballroom? -2%
source: trust me bro
[+16] u/WIWIWIWIIIII: Everyone asking where the speech just fuckin type trump live on yt retarded fuckers ffs
[+15] u/Acceptable_Ant1692: 🍊 about to send the market back to the stoneage
[+15] u/Successful_Doubt8632: Just wanna see a circuit breaker once in my life
[+15] u/ebfeebfe: Mango presser about him finding the most eggs anyone ever found. No other news. SPY +0.05%
[+14] u/Xtal_D: I think the presser is because of the rumors he's dead. There will be an old-timey fixed weight barbell there labeled "300 lbs" that's obviously made of styrofoam which he will go to lift but his back will give out. Then after a few seconds they'll cut the lights and later pretend none of it happened.
[+14] u/No_Tomorrow_5652: Everyone watching for volume jumps for insider trades before the speech? If you see something, say something!
[+14] u/Frosty-Pea-4577: Maybe we're the terrorist?
[+14] u/JohanLiebert92: is 🥭 gonna turn up in a hijab?
[+14] u/Ok_Visit_5741: He may be reading this for the first time.
[+13] u/Any_Life_6178: I’m still solvent and this market is definitely irrational
[+13] u/Lapidated_Llama: Fuck this trash pedo
[+13] u/Here4Retirement: I buy puts, SPX Rips up. I sell my puts and enter calls, SPX dumps. Fun times
[+13] u/cryptopolymath: https://preview.redd.it/4jkqflqwrltg1.jpeg?width=1240&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12a54efc237d64a5453c0d952e09f99919f3df83
[+13] u/myironlung6: he's literally retarded
[+13] u/Competitive_Fox7250: man i wish my life has as much optimism as this market does
[+12] u/Lambo_soon: “Straight opening today and cease fire talks progressing well”
[+12] u/Brilliant_Object_847: “The entire country could be taken in one night, and that night could be tomorrow night” 🤡
[+12] u/VictorEBull69: General Raising Cane
[+12] u/A10cc: # WTF IS HE SAYING? SPEAK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON LMAOOOOOO
[+12] u/2keyed: Turn off motion blur
[+11] u/broke_person: Imagine trading with your brain. Can't relate. That's how you lose
[+11] u/JohanLiebert92: so Iran's top intelligence commander just got offed, I don't know how deals can be made when shit like this is still on going
[+11] u/AllTimeTy: Don’t nut on my face and then call it moisturizer
[+11] u/A55BAG: https://preview.redd.it/m3ila3zvqltg1.png?width=993&format=png&auto=webp&s=19b172951a00f8ef8e5889bb658220f6f4e57db1
[+11] u/Active_Contest717: WE'RE SO FUCKING cooked.
[+11] u/JPowTheDayTrader: "Beeper type apparatus."
What fking year is this lmao?
[+11] u/sam4o19: General rasin canes? Who tf
[+11] u/WIWIWIWIIIII: THEY REBUILT AN HELICOPTER IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES
[+11] u/Yousoldmetohigh: Rebuilt a helicopter in 10 minutes. Impressive.
[+11] u/A10cc: # BROS, THIS MAN IS AN ACTUAL IDIOT ISN'T HE? LMAOOOOOO
[+11] u/Uisce-beatha: Nobody, equipment, anywhere in the world, rifles, flying low, jolly green, fabulous machine, amazing, machinery, nobody even injured, highly respected, it's smiles and smiles away, because you're going fast, of many...on top of everything else...they told the people of Iran..., want to go as far away as you can, he was injured and it was a remarkable thing, he created his own wounds, sophisticated beeper apparatus, he kept going higher and higher, the mountains became rougher and rougher, they had a vast military force...thousands and thousands of people were looking, wait a minute they have folks here and folks there, nine planes circling a little area, 48 hours is a long time when you're bleeding, it's a long time, sandy wet sand, men jumping on planes, we blew up the old planes, best equipment anywhere in the world, large planes were pretty old, we took three helicopters over there, they performed unbelievably well, the rotors were off, small and unbelievably powerful, small very small
Still can't believe how many people thought this guy was a good choice for anything other than inheritance.
[+11] u/layelaye419: The Duolingo owl broke into my house and fucked my wife
[+10] u/Fine_Specialists: Shorting spy right here
[+10] u/Pale-Fox8199: No way 🥭 does a speech during market hours and it not pump. But that seems like the easy play so puts ?
[+10] u/IlinistRainbow6: are you guys ready for hellfire tomorrow
[+10] u/Lapidated_Llama: Fucking hate this dude
[+10] u/Soaked4youVaporeon: I love how he started this shit and is patting himself on the back for recovering a person that he ordered to go out.
[+10] u/A10cc: # BEEPER LMAOOOOOO LOTS OF BATTERIES YOU GUYS LMAOOOOOO
[+10] u/Vegetable-Acadia-766: “Beeper type apparatus” 😭
[+10] u/4sKompany: General raising caines not to be confused with colonel sanders
[+10] u/A10cc: # THEY REBUILT HELICOPTORS IN 10 MINUTES LMAOOOOOOOOOOO WTF IS HE SAYINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG
[+10] u/Ok_Visit_5741: He's divulging all the rescue mission strategies, equipment used, and contingency plans lmao.
Being concise is a skill that needs to be taught.
[+10] u/Jacobpapi: The solution is pretty simple, 50 billion to ISREAL
[+9] u/Tempting33: SELL IT ALL IN THE NAME OF ISRAEL!!!! 🇮🇱
[+9] u/Frosty-Pea-4577: Even if there’s gonna be boots on the ground market will still pump cause why tf not
[+9] u/X211499Reddit: Anyone else also betting he’s gonna be like 40 minutes late again
[+9] u/Ziqach: How far do we drop when he opens his anus cavity of a mouth?
[+9] u/Lambo_soon: “Strait of America will reopen today” + 3%
[+9] u/RichardUkinsuch: Kinda feels like the MMs are pumping the market so they can crash it.
[+9] u/Successful_Doubt8632: I hope he brings out another chart like last April
[+9] u/Upstairs_System_6257: dementia patient forgot about the speech
[+9] u/Defiant-Fee-7550: these camera people are louder than a kindergarten 😦
[+9] u/FatFluffyFish: Are the algos just set to sell when Trump speaks lmao
[+9] u/ExcitingPackage1301: so is it all just gonna be him bragging about this past mission?
[+9] u/mattyice703: This is the president, let that sink in
[+9] u/warm_fork: How does iran still control the strait if they have no more Navy & no airforce?
[+9] u/HandsOnTheBible: Did anyone just hear that?
General Raising Cane's?
LMAO!?
[+9] u/fathersucrose: The market makes no sense as long as a car company is worth over a trillion dollars
[+9] u/tastyfreeeze69: This is gonna be an announcement of ground ops it has to be
[+9] u/unhappyreach_: My man starts the war, then glazes himself for doing basic war things like no man left behind
I guess leaving bro in Iran was an option lol
[+9] u/OptionsHuduga: IT WAS SANDY WET SAND
[+9] u/Lambo_soon: “Straight opening today and cease fire talks progressing well”
[+9] u/Dewton: 1pm “we are going to blast them into the stone age if they don’t make a deal tomorrow”
4:01 PM “we have made the bigliest deal with the Iranians and the war is over, peace be upon Him”
[+9] u/platinumarks: Dude sounds like Grandpa telling stories about how he single-handedly ran onto the beaches of Normandy and took down 90,000 Nazis in 5 minutes while the grandkids just want to go back to playing video games
[+9] u/xTeeD: Isn’t the 1pm speech about the pilot that was rescued?
[+8] u/Neither_Bank_5396: RIFLES SHOOT BULLETS. AMAZING.
[+8] u/SonOfLuigi: Launching missiles and drones at the most flammable things in the world.
[+8] u/Ok-Thought-9960: Cant wait for the press conference at 432pm
[+8] u/Critical_Concert_689: #"15 minutes until market collapse."
**The Mango has spoken!**
[+8] u/DrummerCompetitive20: TSLA only has another $300 to fall before im interested in buying
[+8] u/Successful_Doubt8632: Taking bets here on how late he will be to the conference. Over under 20 minutes.
[+8] u/cat_tastic720: So consistently idiotic
[+8] u/Stunning-Dig-8916: General raising canes
[+8] u/ThatOneRedditBro: Our portfolios are in wet sand.
[+8] u/thefuzzhead: Chuck Shumer is too busy writing them a strongly worded check.
[+8] u/Fineous40: Car company that barely sells any cars.
[+8] u/JayRoo83: I've deliberately avoided opening my account for the last month and I'm relieved to report I'm still up 4k for the year so get fucked SPY
[+8] u/grubernack276: This is who you elected? Aren’t y’all embarrassed
[+8] u/shxwn: LOL what the fuck is this rambling. Not counting the bull/bear divide, this is truly a bad speech
[+8] u/SnickersTheDog: so how ridiculous will this be, on a scale of 1-10? I'm guessing a solid 8.5
[+8] u/GiveMeNews: "It was sandy, wet sand"
[+7] u/hopewellroad: In which world is it news that Iran wants to end the war if it gets everything it wants?
Next headline : “Russia ready to end the war! … if it gets all of Ukraine.”
[+7] u/Frosty-Pea-4577: if only i could read japanese
[+7] u/Big-Quote4483: I give up on MSFT. im never makinmg my money back on that pos
[+7] u/pmotiveforce: Bulls continue to be fools. Upside with more lies: 3-5% very temporary.
Downside if SHTF - instant -20%.
[+7] u/doernotspeaker: I can't believe I am now actually up 0.9% YTD. Back from a low of -10%.
[+7] u/Erieztoys: Who needs a live feed, when I got you retards in the daily.
[+7] u/Bilbo_Butthole: T minus 5 mins until the stock market is sent to the stone ages
[+7] u/ElectronicShoulder26: He’s talking to himself in the mirror now trying to not sound desperate
[+7] u/Nickzpic: So we blew our own planes… nice
[+6] u/VisualMod: #Ban Bet Lost
/u/Slipperypuppy25 made a bet that SPY would go to 630.0 within **12 hours** when it was 655.912 and it did not, so they were banned for a week.
Their record is now 3 wins and 206 losses
[**Join WSB Discord**](https://discord.gg/wsbverse)
[+6] u/csekseni1: How is vix not mega red look at this volume
[+6] u/Nolpppapa: Why is this guy talking like he is pitching a movie script?
[+6] u/iDahves: 🚨 IRAN'S SUPREME LEADER MOJTABA KHAMENEI SAYS 'ASSASSINATIONS AND CRIMES' WON'T DISRUPT IRANIAN ARMED FORCES - POST ON TELEGRAM
[+6] u/unhappyreach_: When I see big boobie I think " I bet she can make a lot of milk."
[+6] u/ConstantAd1: His verbal diarrhoea is tanking the market again
[+6] u/Big-Quote4483: msft is a piece of shit!!
[+5] u/LeftHandCub: Taco Tuesday on the menu everyday this week
[+5] u/glutathionegod: Bols will run out of hopium as 🌮-Tuesday approaches
[+5] u/SlickyTrader: My Dad damn near 70 talking bout how 🥭 is about to Taco so hard this afternoon 😂
[+5] u/Pitiful_Bedroom_6619: NO CRYING YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
[+37] u/teh_herper: #BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA MENTIONED
[+27] u/Majestic-Bass6772: holy shit is he making the Pilot out to be JESUS???
[+25] u/ruskyandrei: PLEASE KEEP BOMBING! LOL
[+24] u/thegreatgumbini: # OY VEY HE'S SAYING THE QUIET PART OUT LOUD!!! SHUT IT DOWN!!!!!!!
[+22] u/Throw_Away_TrdJrnl: 🥭 is obsessed with Obama
[+21] u/Impressive_Fly_4339: What the fuck is going on? Who is this?
[+20] u/Queasy_Soil9646: Now the guy is back home, VA hospital will reject his treatment
[+19] u/Kanute3333: I envy the Artemis crew, they are so far away from this nonsense.
[+18] u/DaStampede: How is SPY pumping from this
[+18] u/fan_of_hakiksexydays: "but the iranians want us to bomb them"
"they are saying please bomb us, we want you to bomb us more"
"please stop not bombing us, we want to be bombed so much".
[+18] u/Cashmoneytendies: United States of Israel 🇮🇱
[+18] u/eatingme: Whenever this dude gets a real question: "WHO are you with?!? Who are you with?!?"
[+17] u/teh_herper: #AUDACIOUSLY PENETRATED
[+17] u/ExpertParsnip8875: oh good JD is on the case, I was getting worried
[+17] u/Sea_Trip_8941: The rambling of a mad king
[+16] u/lemurtowne: The fact that this was the first press conference about the success of any specific operation, and it was a *rescue* mission, probably doesn't bode well.
Also $300M of aircraft lost in the operation.
[+16] u/Muted_Wasabi_1284: How many times can this guy say the exact same thing jut 6 different ways?
[+16] u/Muted_Wasabi_1284: I’m embarrassed this is such a joke holy shit
[+16] u/McKoijion: Lmao, this is not a journalist. This man is a plant.
[+15] u/Queasy_Soil9646: So much talk for rescuing one guy. Meanwhile thousands of vets are offing themselves due to ptsd
[+15] u/Nagalavonpelt: It is batshit crazy. Oil and spy going up at the same time
Markets cooked, like literally fucking cooked 😂
[+15] u/shammaster1: This whole press conference is like trying to hit the 3000 word requirement on an essay
[+15] u/SunriseSurprise: Oil is up, bond rates are up, VIX is up, markets are...up? Make it make sense.
[+15] u/Minute-Leg7346: Americans elected this regard twice, lmao
[+14] u/2020isgreat: Trump is actually going to send a shit ton of cash to Iran for a ceasefire isn't he...
[+14] u/AirwickS: I said it once, I'll say it again.
It's an Arsonist-Firefighter tactic:
* Create an avoidable crisis (tariffs, Iran war, etc.)
* Celebrate cleaning up one fragment of the mess (tariff rollback, rescuing pilot)
* Base eats it up
[+14] u/AirwickS: Mango talking like he wasn't President for 4-years before all this.
[+14] u/Tall-Candidate3755: PLEASE KEEP BOMBING WE LOVE THE BOMBING MORE BOMBING
[+14] u/teh_herper: We actually pumped on this LMAO
[+13] u/Longjumping_Top_5671: Americans said sleepy joe was too old to be president, so what did they do? Voted someone who will be the oldest president ever.
God bless America
[+13] u/No_Relief_8705: "what are you doing"
"I don't know"
Lmfaoooooo lol
[+13] u/silverfutes: wtf is he talking about?
[+13] u/I-CAN-DO-EAT: Listening to an actual professional feels like we switched from a toddler to a Harvard professor.
[+13] u/Matrees1: This is like a live-action south park episode
[+13] u/Majestic-Bass6772: theres less dick sucking in porn
[+13] u/Western-Pound-5372: I refuse to believe that these are real people
[+13] u/Ancient_Let7878: “Please keep bombing us” WHAT
[+13] u/Full_Boysenberry_198: Just because we’re used to this doesn’t make it less insane
[+13] u/TheSelfishMan: Honestly listening to this at work while dealing with made up work stuff is insane. I get reprimanded for making a minor error. The president can ramble for an hour about stuff that sounds like pure fantasy and people love it.
[+13] u/Independent-Egg9086: Gays for Iran lmfao I cant take this guy.
[+13] u/Jagged_Tide: Does he seriously not see the irony of his claims that protesting gets you shot in Iran?
[+13] u/mrmagootoyou2: Something embarrassing no one is talking about
apparently the CIA gave Kurdish forces a bunch of guns to distribute to protestors
The kurds said thanks bro, and just kept the guns
[+13] u/BoostMobileGuy: Even Kim jong un doesn’t get this much circle jerking. He must be jealous
[+12] u/TouchTipz: God we fucking get it
You got shot down
We got him back
Shut the fuck up about it already
Do we need 5 people to say the same goddamn thing
[+12] u/SaraBrew4: Lost 5k on NVDA calls when it was going down, sold and bought puts and lost 6k when it went up to where it started
[+12] u/Ancient_Building_529: This reporter has to be paid American with that accent haha
[+12] u/allpunsarefunpuns: The president just said Iran was great 25 years ago….so we just need a return to 2001 Iran?
[+12] u/YooperTrooper: We're all brave. We're all smart. We're all gay.
[+12] u/ffffffn: I'm convinced the whole world is getting collectively dumber from listening to this fool for a decade now
[+12] u/AlarmedPelican: Sounding more and more like the start of Iraq
[+12] u/AirwickS: "I have the best goggles" -5 year old at local YMCA pool
[+12] u/DiabeticMushroom: HUSSEIN IS CODEWORD FOR CALLS OR PUTS SOMEONE TELL ME
[+12] u/MrHeavyRunner: Obama wasnt perfect but leaps and bounds more professional than this cookie
[+12] u/ruskyandrei: Holy shit he's really going to try milking this rescue thing for all it's worth won't he ?
Like, my man, it's great it worked out but a rescue means shit went wrong and you managed to prevent shit from getting too bad, you can't parade this as some insane win lol
[+12] u/neaturee: Calls are pure retardum
[+12] u/RumShaker: I think I died in 2019 and this is hell
[+12] u/Necessary-Damage3349: Planted 1st question 😅
[+11] u/Careful_Response4694: This was all priced into the spy 3000 years ago
[+11] u/HistoricalComeBack: We saw that when you blew a school full of children
[+11] u/Sawgambler: Calls on big booty Latinas
[+11] u/Elegant_Formal_7343: He’s comparing the pilot to Jesus?
[+11] u/Majestic-Bass6772: i missed the beginning of the stream, did 🥭start it off with "Salaam" or "Assalamu Alaykum"?
[+11] u/RumShaker: The pilot went to flight school, SEAR school, and had a whole career in less time than this story
[+11] u/trainwreck001: RONALD REAGAN IS TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS.
LOL
[+11] u/Slootonium: This is genuinely sad
[+11] u/aphel_ion: “US stocks rise, oil falls as hopes emerge for end to Iran war”
Yahoo what the fuck is this headline
[+11] u/chessthesp: sundown is hitting at 2:15pm eastern today, wild
[+11] u/PlayFree_Bird: Lol, this market being up 3.5% over the past five trading days is insane when you factor on how much crazy shit has gone on.
[+11] u/mstranonymous: Maybe someone should ask about how the negotiations are going
[+11] u/friedbymoonlight: That never goes wrong!
[+10] u/falken2023: Very good evil military.. 🤣🤣
[+10] u/xReMaKe: Bruh you can’t talk about but you should but if you do I’ll take you to jail because you can’t but if you want to but I want to but maybe I don’t want to.
[+10] u/McKoijion: > Flawless intelligence
Did they target those girls on purpose?
[+10] u/whitewashedsyrian: What the pilot actually said: “GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE”
[+10] u/skin_flute_player: This whole thing is just a self circle jerk 😂
[+10] u/Dramatic-Morning-100: Market trying to price in every possible eventuality at once; now frozen like a deer in the headlights.
[+10] u/Jimbeauxer: Beautiful B2 bombers. That’s what I call my wife’s cans
[+10] u/kingofshitmntt: They lost like 5 aircraft lol
[+10] u/Trashpanda7193: Lmao they’re all trying to suck him off
[+10] u/neaturee: These guys are at the wheel. That’s fucking insane
[+10] u/Not_KD_I_Promise: Y'all thought you were getting a ceasefire, but instead you got a circle jerk
[+10] u/MadHat0815: The market still being in denial of the overall situation is actually Impressive...
Unfortunately for them the reality of a fast approaching oil supply shock can´t be fixed by faking headlines forever
[+10] u/fan_of_hakiksexydays: If he's starting to blame Obamner that's starting to sound like he knows things are going to shit
[+10] u/pm_me_yo_creditscore: A child just handed me a note - buls r fuk
[+10] u/inconsistentsavant: lol did they just resurrection story that poor solider?!
[+10] u/Wendyhighland: He sent a message "God is good", shot down on a Friday, a good friday. Hiding in a cave all Saturday. Rescued sunday as the easter sunlight shone onto the plane as it flew out of there. Was the pilot Jesus reincarnated like Jesus?
[+10] u/dMestra: Jesus this is embarrassing
[+10] u/kazkeb: So, this presser is basically just propaganda to show that American lives won't be in danger during this war, in attempt to gain more support for it. Got it.
[+10] u/TouchTipz: They used advanced Afghanistan shoulder rocket technology to shoot down a jet
[+10] u/richbeezy: For now on, I'm basing my vote on whether a candidate is under fucking 75 jesus christ.
[+10] u/ZackZeysto: the market can stay longer retarded than you can stay gay.
[+10] u/shinigami_2245: Ain’t no way Pete just compared rescuing a pilot to the resurrection of Jesus Christ 😂😂😂
[+10] u/eTA_J: Hoping one more person can explain what happened
[+10] u/dasboot523: The Iranian civilians are begging me please Mr. President bomb us more!
[+10] u/Fire-Lion6: "Please keep bombing near my home" sure bro
[+9] u/tinydisaster: I’m not gonna talk about it.
Talks about it
[+9] u/Erevoss: yes thank you mr prez, basically the sand was very wet, like earthy wet sand
[+9] u/TouchTipz: We got shot down and we claim absolute victory and say Iran was humiliated
The propaganda is absolutely maxed out
[+9] u/YooperTrooper: We can't lose! We're using the same proven tactics we used in Vietnam!
[+9] u/Warmake: Easily one of the most idiotic person on this planet. Always impressive seeing how truly dumb he is.
[+9] u/Sweaty_Platypus69: Obama living rent free in his head all these years..
[+9] u/neaturee: Holy shit he’s cooked
[+9] u/moviekid214: “From an ideoalogah.. from a policy standpoint”
[+9] u/IJustWantaQuietLife1: Dude I am LEGIT LOSING BRAIN CELLS LISTENING TO THIS SAY SOMETHING OF IMPORTANCE PLEASEEEEEE
[+9] u/MothRatten: LEAKERS LEAKING ONE LOAD OUT 💦
[+9] u/Obvious_Coconut_8432: I mean, the communication about what kind of soil the planes were landing on has been impeccable, have to give 🥭props for that
[+9] u/Upper-Difficulty660: every time mango opens his mouth it's a train wreck. he's a fucken retard
[+9] u/met_art: So basically Jesus flew in that aircraft
[+9] u/Iknowyougotsole: This pilot was Jesus
[+9] u/GreedyCommie: I've never seen so much dick sucking even in gay porno.
[+9] u/TouchTipz: 🥭 absolutely did not want to go get him
He said it at the beginning, “You risk hundreds of people for one guy but uhhhhh we got him we got him.”
[+9] u/Country_Gravy420: He just keeps talking about war crimes.
Market doesn't give a fuck that this guy is a mess.
[+9] u/eatingme: There it is, the deadline that will never come
[+9] u/silverfutes: Very wet, very sand.
[+9] u/Cashmoneytendies: They think this will up patriotism and support for this war
[+9] u/Get_dat_money: lol what year does he think 25 years ago is?
[+9] u/qui_tam_gogh: This is the most boring day that has ever dated.
[+9] u/AlpineMic88: Orange man is acting like an angry Civilization V player.
[+9] u/Western-Pound-5372: CONFIRMED - We have Night Vision Goggles, thats so bullish
[+9] u/tandoori_taco_cat: no ceasefire
no plan
no thoughts
no brain activity on display
the world's first vibe Presidency
[+8] u/TouchTipz: Can’t wait for Tom Holland to play Dude 44 Bravo in 8 months
[+8] u/DaStampede: Now the self-glazing
[+8] u/UnknownM007: Iran prime, just spewing out nonsesne now
[+8] u/rotorylampshade: the 2026 holy crusade has begun
[+8] u/catfromgarfield: so is the pilot that was saved gonna go on joe rogan or tucker carlson podcast first?
[+8] u/Chrg88: Were they spamming the “find my friends” alert for dude44 bravo?
[+8] u/burnerAccountDuh24: Open the volatility you crazy bastards
[+8] u/pineapplekiwipen: not in any TSLA position but it's interesting how multiple analysts are saying how it could dump 60%
[+8] u/trainwreck001: MONGO ABOUT TO GO FULL ON HIROSHIMA AND NAGASAKI ON IRAN.
PUTS.
[+8] u/bunnibly: All this, because they killed Harambe.
[+8] u/I-CAN-DO-EAT: Oh look market loves leakers
[+8] u/Only-Cranberry-4502: Lol this speech is basically saving private calls
[+8] u/sekak77: Did they take this script from a COD gameplay match ?
[+8] u/Hot_Philosopher_6558: no other military can do that, you see, they destroyed our jet, no one can do that, the best destroyed jets, you see, never seen anything like it
[+8] u/ai___________: Ok you gotta admit this is pretty entertaining
[+8] u/dMestra: Gotta have a brown nose if you wanna keep your job
[+8] u/zeusbox: lol this is cringefest.
[+8] u/sekak77: At this point …. They’re troll rambling us to keep this flat for theta decay
[+8] u/Expensive-Big-8725: just in case we didn't get the story the first 8 times
[+8] u/shammaster1: holes are forming in my brain from listening to this
[+8] u/Either-Cook7081: Trumps latest comments from a few minutes ago sounded like we are not leaving anytime soon.
"there are lots of different alternatives, we could leave right now and it would take them 15 yrs to rebuild, but i want to finish it up, iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, they are lunatics and you cant put nuclear weapons in the hands of a lunatic."
[+7] u/throw2503: Let me summarize it for you guys.
US: Stop it
Iran: No
US: Then we will fuck you up
Iran: No you
Then market slips again.
[+7] u/Dr_Vibe_Check: He’s announcing the mc rib is back! 🙏🙏
[+7] u/Amplees: Seriously. We are bragging about rescuing 2 pilots in the middle of the desert. They shot down an F15. lmao
[+7] u/dMestra: Praise to Allah inshallah, for the pilot is risen
[+6] u/SlipperySnail93: He speaks at 1pm EST regarding the rescue of the fighter pilots. The deadline he imposed on Iran is tomorrow at 8pm EST. Place your bets.
[+6] u/TickTockTaudit: Keep in mind, the President of the United States is allowed, at any time, to do anything good. Like good initiatives that help people.
[+23] u/Soffatjockis: He dropped a F bomb, a R bomb and praised Allah within 24 hours.
What's next? The N bomb?
Mangos brain ain't got much time left.
[+21] u/QuartersToPlay: I will never understand how people hear him talk and like him AT ALL. He's just so fucking retarded lol.
[+16] u/Subspace13: Breaking News: Iran spokesperson said "We will open the Strait so that America can go back to the Epstein files."
[+16] u/Betabutter: This man is such a rare retard
[+16] u/Fernyfern7: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[+16] u/fightoraccept: Lmao no way he ends it with BYE BYE LMAO
[+16] u/funkdizzletron: He’ll announce they cooperated and so the deadline is paused. Then Iran will say no we didn’t. Then the algos keep trading sideways then we all get theta fucked in the asshole 🇺🇸 🫡
[+15] u/zhilde: Bro dropped hard r crazy
[+14] u/eje0100: Saying retard twice in a press confrence. Bullish 🦅
[+14] u/ggtfcjj: R word on live TV like that is crazy
[+13] u/Sam_Vicious2: "you called the Iranians crazy bastards" "TRUE"
[+13] u/bhaaaaaaa: Iran says its conditions of ceasefire is Sovern control over the Strait of Hormuz. They also said they will close the Bab al-Mandeb strait if Trump follows through with the attack tomorrow night.
Trump said in the presser that Iran cannot have control over the strait and that idea was unacceptable for terms of ceasefire.
They cannot come to terms.
TLDR: Bab al-Mandeb is likely to be close by end of week.
[+13] u/Detonate-Ralph: Theta wins by a landslide
[+12] u/DuaLipa247: RETARDED RETARDED RETARDED 🤣🤣🤣
[+12] u/darkspherei: Iran blowing up OpenAI would be hilarious imao
[+12] u/breakthebookie: It’s wild too that spy pumped $20 bucks Thursday cause trump sad we may leave the region and let Iran keep the strait? And now this is the level we theta around in?
[+11] u/poopieuser909: the market is so fake, it pumps on talks of a ceasefire, it all pumps when he said he is gonna bomb them at 12 tomorrow, WHAT THE FUCK
[+11] u/Soffatjockis: Reddit keeps braking.
Puts
[+11] u/Wide_Bonus3157: He just stole Iran's toll idea in real time lmaooo
[+11] u/YouDontKnowDino: War is over again. Crazy how it has ended 6 times already. I hope we win it again tomorrow
[+11] u/AlphaHarmony: how are we pumpin on this?
[+11] u/Iunatic: Market seems to like whatever he's saying. Sounds pretty highly regarded based on this chat though LMAO
[+11] u/Big_Move9312: MENTALLY RETARDED BRANDON LMAO
[+11] u/PalsRocksMyWorld: Did this dude go into the hospital over the weekend and get pumped full of the good drugs or something? What the fuck is happening in this press conference?
[+10] u/CasherburyTales: we bombed Vietnam and Cambodia continuously for 15 years straight and bro thinks we take out all Iran in one night
[+10] u/Nice-Difference8641: Yah if this press conference doesn’t crash the market nothing will
[+10] u/ClaytonRook: "JPMorgan slapped a $145 price target on TSLA (Sell rating), calling \~60% downside" LOL
[+10] u/InitiativeGlum2507: Trump: I'm a bloodthirsty psycho
Market: The bottom's in
[+10] u/Moist_Chain_POL: Trump for gayzzz! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
[+10] u/SearchUsual5193: Now waiting for a tweet from the Iranian Guy
[+10] u/ihopethisworksfornow: Praise be to Allah folks
[+10] u/GalacticGreaseMonkey: What the fuck am I watching
[+10] u/User0198888: comments here are better than this press right now haha wet sand.
[+9] u/Same_College2053: 🥭 says weekends dont count only business days so really the desdline isnt tuesday its next monday.
Thank you for your attention in this matter. تبارك الله
[+9] u/l-espion: https://preview.redd.it/mlhfo5buwltg1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=995f62ee88bf58572ace3be41f0697f0909d02b3
[+9] u/imunfair: I wish the bots on the market would do their own thing rather than trying to horn in on your trade. Like dude, I just placed a bid near mid, you're going to drop your bid once mine is filled so can you just back the fuck off and stop breathing over my shoulder.
[+9] u/lessoninprogress: I’m so good at losing money it’s fascinating. I have the remarkable ability to never be able to be on the right side of a trade.
[+9] u/digitalradiohead: This is like taking a shit on the floor and then having a hour long press conference about how well you cleaned it.
[+9] u/Lazy-Astronomer-7829: iran should add one condition to their list to reopen the strait, "release the epstein files"
[+9] u/old-cow666: Gays for Iran bullish ????
[+9] u/CATLLM: Why are my reddit ads in hebrew?
[+9] u/branpo26: Barack Hussein Obama Nuclear Deal
[+9] u/Nakedputbuyer: Did he just learn how to cuss this weekend
[+9] u/PalsRocksMyWorld: Dude absolutely has dementia, right?
[+9] u/whyshw: How could anyone not be bullish?
[+9] u/MarkusEF: Doesn’t seem like the S&P 500 and oil prices can continue rising together indefinitely … eventually, one will have to give.
[+8] u/Ill_Mastodon8324: Deeply baffling from SPY, quite baffling. Could be one hell of a sell-off tomorrow given there seems like he has really boxed himself in to the full war crime infrastructure destruction and the resulting oil surge. Iran will not budge on the timeline so it's the mother of all TACOs or gloves all the way off..
[+8] u/Mean-Evidence-4056: how do we invest in this startup
[+8] u/AdjustDeezNutz: Why does this speech have so many gay undertones.
[+8] u/L3GASEE: He ripped it once then doubled down LMAO
[+8] u/eje0100: How did the press not start busting out laughing. Fucking bunch of retards.
[+8] u/Illustrious-Low4128: Idk man. I hope this works out for you guys.
[+8] u/Ok-Prior-9953: Not watching my positions I just watch this thread instead ty
[+7] u/FelixMumuHex: This is more cult like than North Korean state TV
[+7] u/SpitefulSeagull: We're going to go back to treating the media as serious once this clown is gone, even though we've seen they just go along with anything crazy people say?
[+6] u/Longjumping_Rip_690: we just got a preview of 1pm briefing. Nothing new, same old shit.
[+14] u/zackacz: Calls on the market making a major move AH so none of us can do anything about our positions
[+14] u/ModeForJoe: BREAKING NEWS: Iran finalizes new rule for strait passage: Cash, Grass, or Ass... nobody sails for free.
(source: the onion)
[+12] u/NaturalFortune8397: LOAD SPY PUTS BEFORE CLOSE
DONT BE POOR TOMORROW
[+12] u/RareGuarantee3532: tomorrow we drill baby drill
[+12] u/neal_73: Today is unique. Last time I saw volume this low was during Christmas. People are waiting for tomorrow night?
[+11] u/NoTone5350: I sold everything today . Good luck for tomorrow.
[+11] u/ebitdasga: SPY, VIX, and oil are green. Someone is lying
[+11] u/Brief_Challenge_1163: if anyone needed proof its all manipulated
[+10] u/TheDrewWorldOrder: Just won $100 million on whether or not Trump would say retarded in this press conference.
[+10] u/Attorney_Outside69: what a boring fucking day
[+9] u/ahx3000: Reddit down or glitchy for anyone else?
[+9] u/Short-Mixture1823: I think I'll hold my puts. There's too much military hardware in the region. He's going to use them whether Iran agrees to a ceasefire or not. This is all smoke and mirrors
[+9] u/TJMBeav: Twenty minutes. All you got kids. Just remember
Trump usually does what he says je will do. So bombing the shit out of Iran really is on the table. Fuck this TACO bullshit.
Hopefully something comes thru and he doesn't do it. And I'm a bear which means I'm not stupid
[+9] u/GoldenAries4: These people really think this is a holy war…
[+9] u/Usedillusion7: Imagine being a degenerate dumb gullible bol and having the audacity to get on this app and talk shit about bears.
Like just because you're to stupid to zoom out 6 months on your trading app to see spy or your favorite stonk doesn't mean everyone else is too.
[+9] u/seven0feleven: **DUDE 4-4 BRAVO THE BACKSEATER**
[+9] u/blooda2: I’ve talked to more coherent crackheads than this
[+9] u/godsweetsac: Puts all day idgaf I’m blowing my port up twice.
[+8] u/winfortheboys: This was a comedy special hahaahahah
[+8] u/KaleidoscopeNo7975: This is an all timer
[+8] u/mclovinbab: My options are like dude44bravo… waiting last minute for a rescue tweet
[+7] u/LankyLibrary7662: Pack it up regards playing 0dtes! Theta will get us!
[+7] u/GoldenAries4: Would love to live in the reality that the market is in touch with. There must be peace and prosperity on the horizon there.
[+7] u/Commercial-District1: A post from NYC in 1929, if you don’t think this is a clue, you deserve to lose money
[+6] u/loveiseverything: So no deal and Iran is exponentially increasing attacks?
[+6] u/Strangerdanger8812: You ever wake up and are like fuck why do I keep waking up?