Dealing with huge loss

Sometime last year I had the fortunate but horrible experience for hitting an option contract with a massive 30,000% out of nowhere. That was without any information but just a guess. Since then I started to use more options, not realizing I am basically gambling and over positioning with large amounts. Sometimes it worked, while others it didn’t. I ended up 2025 with big upside, but right into 2026 I have already lost around 150k from a contract that went terribly wrong. Uneducated and foolish of me to think that I can bring it back and even more the same year. I kept on gambling and while sometimes it continued to work, it didn’t most of the time. I said I would stop, but then after seeing the huge gains from AI stocks I started options again, until the last time that I really over sized badly on multiple un diversified contracts in June, leading to yet another huge losses. That was all through even taking margins, and sometimes a great amount of margin - which fortunes I managed to closed down. I then finished by salvaging what was left. In hindsight it was the correct move although it still hurt so bad. Overall I lost more than 350K this year mostly through options (and that is after I had around 100k of gains, so it is even more than that). I am feeling very stupid and very angry at myself for doing such a reckless thing, with gambling and loaning so much, putting my family at risk. My portfolio is since then nearly 80% down (also have stocks that are currently down). While I navigate this turmoil of time for me, I know I did so wrong, but I also do not want to make it a such a bad experience that I stop investing - I want to be able to be better and smarter, and I want to be able to utilize options, but doing it right with risk aware and defined risk tolerance. While there are probably great posts and information, any guidance and past experiences would be truly appreciated as I am so fogged out about the whole thing that my day to day just sucks, which hurts me the most.